I AM NOT FUCKING HAPPY ANYMORE. YOU GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
it's just another fork in the road. but it feels more like a knife. if i were more eloquent, if i were more pristine; maybe i could still be going places. but going places is only getting harder, and harder. i am tired. physically and mentally. and fuck this. fuck all of this. fuck you, and fuck your mothers, and fuck this blog. fuck nebraska. fuck seeing your breath in the fucking wind. your house, your cat, your fancy fucking digital cable. fuck being vague. fuck accepting faults. fuck me. but mostly fuck you.
i won't always be like this. because it is not that bad.
i have a case of the vainglories.
or maybe the swine.
fucking wake me up.
homeguy: wanna have fun ?
sassycasserole: not for real
homeguy: virtual :)
sassycasserole: not for virtual
homeguy: ure funny :)
sassycasserole: i know
so, besides idiots on the internet i have been dull. i say that so i do not have to think about what HASN'T been dull.
i was seeing someone. it didn't quite work out as well as i'd hoped. i managed to get something out of it. a new sense of self, whether i am comfortable with it or not... i can't quite say.
haven't spoken to him since i cut it off. i'd hate to lose the friendship.
other than that, life has been peaceful. i don't know exactly what i want, but i know things are going to work out. one day, some place. legless love. i could use another cola.
i'm very bored with everyone. and i'm very frustrated with my peice of shit car. and very broke because i like to eat out at nice places with people that bore me.
i miss him and that means i've failed. i am full of fail. when am i going to get over this shit?
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that's a real smile.
nothing nice to say
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girls are vile creatures
so i've been having these internal issues with a girl named ashley. she's been dating joseph since around january, i guess. anyways, she isn't all that nice to me. she told her mother that i had an std which is not true at all, and her mother goes and tells the man that i am seeing about the supposed std. she hangs around with people and tells them that i'm dirty. the girl barely even knows me. what gives her the right?
surely i'm none too happy about this, but what am i supposed to do about it? i'm not the one being so nasty. she dating MY joe. you think that would be enough instead of her spreading around rumors. she has to make it WORSE for me.
i'm more upset than i am angry.