I AM NOT FUCKING HAPPY ANYMORE. YOU GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

it's just another fork in the road. but it feels more like a knife. if i were more eloquent, if i were more pristine; maybe i could still be going places. but going places is only getting harder, and harder. i am tired. physically and mentally. and fuck this. fuck all of this. fuck you, and fuck your mothers, and fuck this blog. fuck nebraska. fuck seeing your breath in the fucking wind. your house, your cat, your fancy fucking digital cable. fuck being vague. fuck accepting faults. fuck me. but mostly fuck you.

i won't always be like this. because it is not that bad.

i have a case of the vainglories.

or maybe the swine.

fucking wake me up.

fuck.

homeguy: hey
sassycasserole: hi
homeguy: wanna have fun ?
sassycasserole: not for real
homeguy: virtual :)
sassycasserole: not for virtual
homeguy: :)
homeguy: ure funny :)
sassycasserole: i know

so, besides idiots on the internet i have been dull. i say that so i do not have to think about what HASN'T been dull.

so stressed.

my new car is tearing up my wallet. gas is getting pricier and i'm working a shit job. i've already bought all new tires, got the brakes fixed (which i have to do AGAIN because that place was shotty as fuck), and now i need to get a couple leaks looked at. what i'm trying to say here is, I AM SO BROKE.

shea has offered me a room at her and boyfriends place. which i may take... i think we can make it work. it would be an adventure to say the least.

i was seeing someone. it didn't quite work out as well as i'd hoped. i managed to get something out of it. a new sense of self, whether i am comfortable with it or not... i can't quite say.

haven't spoken to him since i cut it off. i'd hate to lose the friendship.

other than that, life has been peaceful. i don't know exactly what i want, but i know things are going to work out. one day, some place. legless love. i could use another cola.

i'm very bored with everyone. and i'm very frustrated with my peice of shit car. and very broke because i like to eat out at nice places with people that bore me.

i miss him and that means i've failed. i am full of fail. when am i going to get over this shit?


that's a real smile.