I'm finally getting out of this mind fog of about 4 months. I have been to therapy and everything has helped get to this point... but I'll start with some background. Its like any of the stories about loveboming, devaluation and discard that you read... to the finest detail. At first he was obsessed with me. Constant texts, facetime, taking me to europe, his family holidays, buying me clothes and gifts, you name it.
I have a mind of my own however, and when he wanted me to do everything with his friends and neglect my own, I began to stand up for myself... and it built up to catastrophic blow up. Then it was all just a slow ride down hill. He slowly backed off, keeping me hanging, and if I mentioned the relationship or anything he would just blow up again and again, while saying he needed space, he wasnt going to be out acting single, etc.... that wasnt true. He was out on the hunt for a new supply while I was being tortured. I went from being his obsession the the last thing on his priority list. Told me Im the reason he believes in love again, he was never going anywhere, all the bullshit..
come to find out he had been out at bars making out with strangers in public and of course my friends saw. I asked him and he said "so what, i dont owe you and explanation, if there was something to tell u i would, but i was drunk"
WTF... I didnt know we werent together. soo fast forward. We had planned a trip to mexico with a few others months ago and I obviously knew I wasnt going at this point... but come to find out He has been seeing someone else and took them to his familys easter, posted it on facebook... and now they are on the trip we had planned... and he didnt even tell me. I asked his friend and was sworn to not put him in the middle.
The thought of him detests me now. I just get anxiety when I look at him. Hes doing the same thing to his next victim with a trip out of the country and family stuff...
How can one fall in and out of love and back in love in a matter of less than 6 months.. it was never love I know... but he says he always wants me in his life as a friend but blows me off if i suggest dinner or to see each other or anything.
I have his house key and some things and he has mine. I blocked him on instagram bc I want to see nothing from him and I dont want him to see what I'm doing. I dont even want to ask for my key back but I also dont want to come off as the crazy one that got dramatic and blocked everything etc etc.
Im tempted to just mail his stuff back and have my locks changed at this point to avoid seeing him. I also am debating blocking him on facebook and on my phone as well. But we have such close knit social circles and I dont want to come off as the bitter one that got left for someone else or the jealous type or anything. I just want to go back to the day I met him and tell myself to stay the fuck at home and none of this would have happened to me.
Over the last few months he has devalued me in so many ways. He instilled that my friends are all bad influences and they only use me to have fun any be a good time at a party and that they dont really care... how my relationship with my parents is so fucked up and critcized my career (and I have a masters degree and a very good job) but so many things. I was gaslighted to the point where I would somehow end up apologizing to him and none of the conversations even made sense. It was like talking to a small child and I couldnt get him to have a healthy normal conversation.
He has put all of the fault and blame on me for the relationship failing. takes no responsibility. and now hes snuck away with his new person and wasnt even going to have to decency to tell me.. just wanted to hurt me and let me see it online later....
I could go on and on but its the same exact covert narcissistic behavior over and over.
Anyone that has been through this, could you please offer some advice on the whole house keys situation... whether i should wait and meet him or just mail his and change my locks..
and then should I completely block him and go no contact all around... or just try to keep his posts on mute and try to come across unbothered.
Thank you so much