angusmacinnes
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The Thrifty Scot
The Thrifty Scot
It has been said that Poverty is the first fact in the history of Scotland. It follows that the Scot, coming from a long line of forebears blessed with but little material wealth, has never been able to tolerate waste in any form. Show him the majesty of the Eiffel Tower, and he asks " What fool built that thing ? " Put him down on the banks of Niagara and his main concern is for the " perfect waste of water. "
In a country in which it had been historically difficult to acquire a surfeit of " stuff " he has had to make the most of hard circumstances and if he was to survive to remember always to ask his wallet what he could buy. A Scot never pays cash without reflection. In a word, thrift is in his blood. As the cynic has it " A Mactavish is never lavish. "
Thus, over the years, prudence and thrift have come to be regarded as peculiarly Scottish characteristics. It was, however, from this somewhat somber background that there emerged within comparatively recent years the grotesque myth, now almost a world myth, of Scottish Meanness. To an American, it is said, money is round that it may roll. To a Scot, it is flat, that it may lie still. With just the necessary grain of truth to give color to the caricature, it has for a time been the fashion to portray the Scot as a ****rdly, grudging tightwad, a man who will only cast his bread upon the waters if the tide is coming in. At this moment nothing much need be said about this libel, beyond reminding the reader that Scots donate more per person to charity than any nation in the world. And yet no Scot could deny that when he sets about it he has an eye for a bargain and will always ensure that he gets value for money.
* * *
John MacDonald, who was getting on in years had unexpectedly been appointed bell-ringer in the Parish Church much to the surprise and delighted satisfaction of his wife. She made no secret of her pleasure and lost no time in advising all and sundry of the good news.
" Have you heard of the job my man has just gotten, " she asked her neighbors.
" No, " replied one, " what is it ? "
" The ringing of the Church bell, " replied the proud wife.
" And what wage comes with that ? " came the vital question.
" Oh, he's very well paid, " said Mrs MacDonald, " he gets an excellent wage and a free grave! "
* * *
A Scottish prayer - "Oh Lord, we do not ask you to give us wealth. But show us where it is!"
* * *
Andrew was a really good at odd jobs around the house. One day he found it necessary to call at the home of his friend and neighbor on a small matter of business. His knock at the door was answered by his friend's wife.
" Is Donald in ? " asked the visitor.
" Yes he's in, " was the reply.
" Well, can I see him, " continued the caller.
" No you can't see him," returned the wife.
" But I want to see him on a bit of business," persisted Andrew.
" Well, you can't see him. He's dead ! " came the announcement from the door.
" Was it sudden ? " asked Andrew.
" Yes very sudden, " he was informed.
" Well," continued Andrew, " did he say anything about a pot of green paint before he passed away ? "
* * *
Two brothers, both Scots, named Jock and Sandy, go into business together. At the end of the first year they try to balance their account books, but were $10.00 short. They tried again and again, but no matter which way they tried to do it, they always came out $10.00 short.
"Tell me the truth, Sandy," asked his brother, "Are you keeping a woman on the side?"
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