starzlookdown
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a very odd person (very very very long story! in three parts)
Hi. I have a long story to tell here so get a cup of something hot (or cold) and sit yourself down. You may find this hard to believe.
First some background: This friend and I are not close buddies, but we see eye to eye on a lot of things and worked on an environmental issue together. I'll call her Sandy. Our group's success was largely due to her smarts, experience, and efforts. There is a 15 - 20 yr age gap, however, and we don't really have much in common so we don't hang out. But we do have lunch now and then, make each other laugh very easily, send emails every couple of weeks, and I do care about her health and well-being. (Or rather, I DID.)
I agreed to take some art lessons last winter (I think in March and April) from Sandy’s daughter, Mabel. I think I took six or eight lessons, and then my lack of money and the need to find work, coupled with her blossoming schedule, made us decide to end the lessons. Her art studio was a portable placed in their huge backyard, and I had to cross slippery snow to carry my canvases to my car. So when Mabel asked if I wanted to take all my stuff right away or come back and get it later, I said I would get it later. My “stuff” was one wooden art box, filled with many paints and brushes, painting knives, a pallet paper pad, and a tall but thin easel. I might also have left several canvases behind but I'm not sure anymore.
Over the past four or five months I made many polite attempts to get this property back. There was always some excuse for delay that sounded unavoidable and true. For one thing, I was told that her daughter was away and had the only key to the portable. When she returned they would call and let me know, or drop the stuff off for me. I know that her daughter was back many times since then, yet somehow they never remembered to get my art supplies out of the portable and give me a call. I was always friendly and patient about it, and I don’t bring it up every single time I saw or spoke to Sandy, or email her, but I brought it up often enough.
Twice she commented that they have a lot of stuff in their house and not much room, so I assured her I didn’t intend to leave my things in her way – I or my son will pick it up promptly, and my art materials don’t take up much room: one little box, one fold up easel! Considering that her home is huge (mansion) it seemed strange that she would even say that. I started to wonder if it was just an excuse for not telling her daughter to get my stuff out of the art studio!
.Another time her daughter was supposed to call me on a Friday about dropping my things off, but I got home the DAY BEFORE to find a message on the answering machine that they had my things together and would be over soon. Of course I had been out and missed them, and the next day Mabel had somewhere she had to be and my stuff was locked up again. Starting to sound like B.S., right?!
Starting at about mid-June I really wanted to get my hands on my art tools. I had the urge to create which is a rare event for me. I thought I might try doing a painting for my mother’s birthday (July 1st). I didn’t want to pressure Sandy because she was telling me about her illnesses and how she was working on another environmental project, so I said nothing about my mother's birthday painting. Instead I asked her if her daughter had been by, and could she post a note in her house reminding Mabel to bring my paints box and easel out of the studio. She said she felt terrible that she had forgotten about it, but so much had been going on.
Obviously she never posted the note as more time passed when I'm sure Mabel had visited her. Next I suggested that she have Mabel make a copy of the key to leave with her, but Sandy said this wasn't possible because it wasn't a normal key. She said it was an allen key. Maybe she didn't know what an allen key was when she said it, or assumed I wouldn't know, but I did know, and I replied "We have a whole set of those in all different sizes! I can bring them over." Oh no, she didn't feel right going into Mabel's art studio and getting into her stuff. She respected Mabel's privacy and had never gone in there and interfered with her stuff before.
I don't know why I bit my tongue instead of saying "Yet you feel comfortable denying me my property when its been locked up in your back yard for over four months?! You feel comfortable insinuating I might take something that belongs to Mabel?" I didn't say that however, because I was only just beginning to suspect that this whole thing might be deliberate.
continued in a moment...
tampered evidence by starzlookdown, 8/11/2008, 4:33 pm
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Lo's Road (at Multiply blogs)
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is not "to arrive"...
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8/11/2008, 4:30 pm
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starzlookdown
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Re: a very odd person (very very very long story!)
Part two:
Sandy is a woman who has (or had?) a very sharp mind and excellent memory. She has taken on Ontario Hydro and won, as well as Simcoe County, and won. I thought she considered me a friend and as things started boiling up over the last couple of weeks it really hurt me that she seemed to be treating me like some kind of fool. Not only that, but she is rich,while I can't afford to replace all those paints and brushes, etc. that were collected over years.
There was some prior weirdness about Sandy; she would regularly make comments along the lines of "I hope you didn't think (this or that) about me" or "I was worried that you might think I was doing (this or that).." I was always a bit baffled and annoyed by this, and replied "I would never think that. Why would you even consider that? I know you better than that." It sounded like she didn't trust me and assumed I didn't trust her. However, when someone keeps saying things like that, over time (three years) you start to wonder if there is a good reason for their doubts? If she thinks I don't trust her, is it because she isn't honest?
About a month ago I started wondering if Sandy had convinced herself, somehow, that I owed the value of those art tools and supplies to her daughter. Had I offended them in some way that she wasn’t openly admitting to, and despite the fact that I went to one of her daughter’s shows and bought a piece of art, and despite the fact that we just went to lunch a two weeks ago last Friday… is it possible that she considered keeping my art materials some kind of payback?
Next I realized that Mabel must have taken most of HER art supplies out of the portable when she moved to her new house, so it made even less sense that MY small box and easel were left sitting there to be locked up again!! All they had to do was call and leave a message if no one answered, and one of us would have been by soon to pick them up!
One evening last week I got so angry over not having any of my art things that I got out of bed and came downstairs to compose another email, and a blog ranting about it (which I restricted to only a few viewers at Multiply, just in case). I kept the email friendly despite my anger because I knew if she detected hostility she would act like I turned on her and she did nothing to provoke it. My art supplies could disappear, in that case.
I began the letter with another request for Sandy to ask Mabel to unlock her art studio the next time she visits, and then I moved onto other news, ending with the suggestion that, if Mabel wasn't visiting sometime soon, perhaps I could drive up to her new house and fetch the key for Sandy.
I felt our former friendship turning very sour over this, and seriously considered getting the police involved. I printed out every email I could find about my paint box and easel and started writing new ones every day, establishing a paper trail. I used any excuse I had for writing. If I went out for a while, I emailed her that I had been out and had I missed a call from her? I also asked for her daughter's email address and phone number.
Now I had more reason to need my stuff: my daughter Renee told me that she is taking an art courses as one of her Gen Ed classes this year. You may recall her plan is to go into Art Therapy, and so she wanted to start working on her portfolio. Unfortunately we can't find her art box anywhere. I searched everywhere but I remember taking it up to Ottawa. This suggests that it was never returned to her after that apartment fire and when I asked her to check with her previous roommate she got very glum and said she'd probably have to replace everything. So I decided to give her half my stuff and jI wrote about all this in a new email.
While I was focused on this problem so much I was figuring out things that there had been clues to all along but I was too trusting and too good a friend to catch on before. I realized that her answers to me had always been a little off. Too casual, like she was giving me the brush off and didn't care if I could tell. Anyone who really couldn't help having my stuff locked up on their property would be embarrassed and apologetic, and have a sense of urgency about getting the situation put right. Sandy seemed less concerned all the time! This caused me so much rage last week as I remembered some things she had said to me when we went out to brunch a couple of times over the summer. One thing she brought up was how if she feels someone is pressuring her to do something, then she gets stubborn and there's no way in hell she is going to do it, even if she herself knows she should. It's like she was giving me the code book to her own weird behavior, but I trusted her and didn't think she was talking about me.
Later she mentioned this "really weird letter" that she got from a friend. In the letter she described to me, her friend blamed her for taking something that belonged to them and refusing to give it back, ruining their friendship. She spread her arms in wonder and said "I have tons of stuff -- more stuff than I know what to do with -- WHY would I take something that belonged to her? She's crazy!" I nodded sympathetically the way you do when someone tells you about someone and you don't know them, so you aren't going to hear both sides of the issue.
I didn't recall these particular comments until four nights ago when I was up late, composing a letter about how I'd been a good friend to her and couldn't understand why it seemed so difficult to get my property back -- a letter which I only intended to email to MYSELF, to get things off chest so I could get to sleep. My Multiply contacts had all insisted that such a letter would not work. After I remembered what she said about the "really weird letter" she got from someone (exactly the type of thing I was writing!) I realized that even if I did send the letter to Sandy, nothing would get through her warped skull or make her feel guilty; she would just think I had turned on her and was being crazy, like that other person. Either Sandy was repeating past behavior that lost her a friend once before, or she was giving me a hint that if I got upset with her about my art equipment and sent her a letter trying to reason with her, it wouldn't do a damn bit of good because she'd just deny it and say I was crazy -- why would she want MY stuff?
Instead I emailed her that I needed to get in touch with Mabel and could I have her email address or phone number. There was a short reply, in which "Sandy" said she was feeling better lately (I had enquired) but "Mabel" is up north at a wedding and she doesn't have a phone number for her up there. Now I could be wrong, but this looks like deliberate obtuseness. I'd say she knows damn well I wanted her daughter's home phone number. Why would I want to phone a hotel when she's involved with a wedding?!
(scroll down for part 3)
tampered evidence by starzlookdown, 8/11/2008, 4:56 pm
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Lo's Road (at Multiply blogs)
The point of the journey,
is not "to arrive"...
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8/11/2008, 4:32 pm
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starzlookdown
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Re: a very odd person (very very very long story!)
Last part:
Later in bed, still awake, I finally hit on the solution. By-pass Sandy. After all, it was Mabel I took art lessons with, and its Mabel's art studio that my things were left in, at Mabel's suggestion. It's Mabel who had the key and the responsibility for returning my possessions! If speaking to Mabel got no results, asking the police to speak to Mabel would definitely upset Sandy more than if I tried to take her on. This could be why, up till Wednesday morning, I had trouble getting any contact information from Sandy about Mabel. It frankly surprised me that she gave me the email address when I called that morning, but she had someone else on another line and I was speaking in a cheery manner, so she may not have been mentally prepared with an excuse. I sent Mabel an friendly email saying I had been getting a little frustrated about not having my art supplies when I felt like creating art, and could she please call to set up a meeting time once and for all.
Later that day Mabel phoned and said she would be down to visit on the weekend, would that be okay? I said that would be perfect because I was going to be away Thursday and Friday. Well, late Friday afternoon, about 3 pm, Sandy phones and says they are loading my stuff into Mabels car and they will drop them off shortly. Remember I was going to be away on Friday, and Mabel had said she would be down on the weekend, so it was lucky I was home or it could have been like their last delivery all over again! When Mabel arrived with my things I noticed that Sandy hadn't come along after all. I can't help wondering if she had had a part in making the delivery a day early, trying to get Mabel down to drop off my stuff when I wouldn't even be here! She probably wasn't expecting me to be home to pick up the phone when she called!
I honestly think Mabel had no part in this and it was all her mother's weird mental problem, trying to scheme and cause trouble like it was some kind of effing game!
There is something else I should add to this. Three years ago when we were part of an environmental group, I had some warnings about Sandy but I didn't believe them because she was such an impressive and convincing and smart person. Eventually some hint that she wasn't trusted got Sandy pissed off and she dropped out.
This is what I had been told about Sandy: Bob told me she was "a whack job" and I thought he was a jealous, ungrteful asshole. Michelle told me "She's very very smart, and she's really helping us, but there's something you should know about her: she lies. She does. She makes things up." I thought Michelle was the one who was a selfish liar because of things Sandy had said which seemed to jive with Michelle letting us down at times.
Last but not least, a comment that seemed so silly I didn't even remember it until Friday after my things were returned: a woman who admits to being crazy and timid ever since her two young sons died, once said to me "Don't ever let her get her hands on your things. Don't loan her anything or let her hold onto anything for you because you'll never get it back." She sounded so unconvincing while Sandy seemed very smart and sensible and funny and down to earth. Yet I realize now that each of those people had been telling me the truth! Especially Helen, whose comment I hadn't remembered at all!
Now I know that the person who I admired and thought of as a friend really was a lying, stealing, whack job. I'm so glad I've got my things back, and I will not have anything to do with that manipulative weirdo ever again!
tampered evidence by starzlookdown, 8/11/2008, 4:50 pm
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Lo's Road (at Multiply blogs)
The point of the journey,
is not "to arrive"...
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8/11/2008, 4:32 pm
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starzlookdown
Love to Rock n Roll
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Loved: 29 (+29/-0)
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Re: a very odd person (very very very long story! in three parts)
Thank you for having the patience to read that very long story. There was really no way that I could make it shorter and still make it clear how things unfolded.
Yep, I've learned a thing or two from this
---
Lo's Road (at Multiply blogs)
The point of the journey,
is not "to arrive"...
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8/13/2008, 7:11 pm
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