slash maraud
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Immature action or misrepresentation of author
New to the forum here but just had to mention this. I was on another writer's board, (oh the shame of it all not monopolizing this one, LOL) where you read other aspiring writers works then critique them to gains credits which are then used to reveal reviews and critiques that your work has received. Long story short, I did a review/critique of a writer and very professionally pointed out the use of spell check /grammar check along with some details that would make the story flow better. It was done, in my humble opinion, very nicely and not a 'you suck' type of review. Later, I saw that he removed his entire work except one stand alone chapter.
Here's the clincher, his profile states he's a retired military officer and 'has led several top secret combat operations' yet his story, a military based tale, could not have been written by an officer, who has to over the course of their career, write many reports, had so much bad information regarding details, operational tactics/methods, basic greetings done between non com and officers, wrong vehicles, uniforms, etc, that it couldn't have been written by someone who had spent any time in the military, much less an officer who spent a minimum of 6yrs in service.
Isn't the internet fun? You can be anyone you want to be and no one knows the truth.
All I'm trying to say is if you write something in a certain genre, do the research first.
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Dec/31/2006, 8:07 pm
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slash maraud
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Re: Immature action or misrepresentation of author
The story in question had nothing to do with secrets or a question of clearance. If that was the case then why did he volunteer the info that he allegedly led several top secret combat missions on his profile?
What I critiqued was really simple stuff, like the fact that the US military no longer uses jeeps in the primary inventory. Some special units still have them but not the mainstream units. Another problem he had was sending an officer to Ranger School at Fort Bragg when its all done at Fort Benning. Then the phrase 'Ranger Trained', its Ranger Qualified. You have to be qualified to wear the Ranger Tab on your uniform. You can take some 'ranger' training or call it that if you are exposed to maybe some foreign weapons classes or enhance land navigation courses, but until you pass official Ranger School, serve time in a Ranger BAT, see where I'm going with this?
Then there was the mention of being issued the 1911 .45, which true it still exists within some units arms room, but not something an officer will be issued as the entire US Army has switched to the M9 Beretta with some officers choosing the smaller version known in the civilian world as the 'Centurion'.
Then the introduction to the general and the top sergeant didn't announce the junior officer or present the man's packet to the senior man. I could go on all day on this one.
You see where I'm going with this? Its the little stuff that becomes common knowledge for anyone who has spent time in the green machine that the mistakes were made on. Even if the author had never been in the service, you can always research it on the internet or just ask someone who was in. Worse case, talk to a recruiter or the public relations people, they'll glamour it all up but at least you'll get some idea.
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Jan/9/2007, 11:55 pm
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slash maraud
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Re: Immature action or misrepresentation of author
The story in question had nothing to do with secrets or a question of clearance. If that was the case then why did he volunteer the info that he allegedly led several top secret combat missions on his profile?
What I critiqued was really simple stuff, like the fact that the US military no longer uses jeeps in the primary inventory. Some special units still have them but not the mainstream units. Another problem he had was sending an officer to Ranger School at Fort Bragg when its all done at Fort Benning. Then the phrase 'Ranger Trained', its Ranger Qualified. You have to be qualified to wear the Ranger Tab on your uniform. You can take some 'ranger' training or call it that if you are exposed to maybe some foreign weapons classes or enhance land navigation courses, but until you pass official Ranger School, serve time in a Ranger BAT, see where I'm going with this?
Then there was the mention of being issued the 1911 .45, which true it still exists within some units arms room, but not something an officer will be issued as the entire US Army has switched to the M9 Beretta with some officers choosing the smaller version known in the civilian world as the 'Centurion'.
Then the introduction to the general and the top sergeant didn't announce the junior officer or present the man's packet to the senior man. I could go on all day on this one.
You see where I'm going with this? Its the little stuff that becomes common knowledge for anyone who has spent time in the green machine that the mistakes were made on. Even if the author had never been in the service, you can always research it on the internet or just ask someone who was in. Worse case, talk to a recruiter or the public relations people, they'll glamour it all up but at least you'll get some idea.
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Jan/9/2007, 11:55 pm
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Spitfire Pilot
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Re: Immature action or misrepresentation of author
quote:
slash maraud wrote:
The story in question had nothing to do with secrets or a question of clearance. If that was the case then why did he volunteer the info that he allegedly led several top secret combat missions on his profile?
What I critiqued was really simple stuff, like the fact that the US military no longer uses jeeps in the primary inventory. Some special units still have them but not the mainstream units. Another problem he had was sending an officer to Ranger School at Fort Bragg when its all done at Fort Benning. Then the phrase 'Ranger Trained', its Ranger Qualified. You have to be qualified to wear the Ranger Tab on your uniform. You can take some 'ranger' training or call it that if you are exposed to maybe some foreign weapons classes or enhance land navigation courses, but until you pass official Ranger School, serve time in a Ranger BAT, see where I'm going with this?
Then there was the mention of being issued the 1911 .45, which true it still exists within some units arms room, but not something an officer will be issued as the entire US Army has switched to the M9 Beretta with some officers choosing the smaller version known in the civilian world as the 'Centurion'.
Then the introduction to the general and the top sergeant didn't announce the junior officer or present the man's packet to the senior man. I could go on all day on this one.
You see where I'm going with this? Its the little stuff that becomes common knowledge for anyone who has spent time in the green machine that the mistakes were made on. Even if the author had never been in the service, you can always research it on the internet or just ask someone who was in. Worse case, talk to a recruiter or the public relations people, they'll glamour it all up but at least you'll get some idea.
Yes. I see where your going and what you are getting at and I have to admit that when you put it like that it does sound a little "off" to say the least.
Thinking about it, an officer who has led several "top secret" operations should, in my opinion, know better than to say so. For example, if I send a letter to my Battery Commander I am not allowed to put his/her rank or number or any details that could be "useful" to the enemy should they intercept the mail.....just Mr/Miss/Mrs and their surname......and the address of course.
Likewise, if I enclose documents, I'm not to mention their details, my details or the details of anyone else. My point being that if small things like that can make a huge difference.....surely giving away information like how he led top secret operations is a fair bit over the top. I think you are probably right in saying that he probably isn't what he says he is.......no-one who is would make that mistake.
And that's excluding all the things you mentioned above 
Post Edited By Spitfire Pilot, Jan/10/2007, 1:10 pm
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Jan/10/2007, 1:09 pm
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Kev2012
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Re: Immature action or misrepresentation of author
Sometimes I think, as an author, you have to reach that happy medium between being factual to the point of perfection, without becoming too technical. To the extent where only people with experience in the military would be able to understand/relate to, or even enjoy your work. I’m not sure if any of you have read Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab. I read this, and thought it a thoroughly enjoyable read. However, given that Andy McNab was in the SAS the technical jargon that is constantly spoke did make the early dealings with the book difficult. Obviously this wasn’t an issue for most, it was the best selling war book of all time after all. And to be fair every technical term is explained, but sometimes I found the action scenes hard to follow because every other word would be a “jargon” and, even though they were explained earlier in the book, sometimes to remember ALL of them is rather difficult.
But yeah, you have to ensure you are being factual with what you write, but i would say don't over do the technical jargon.
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Mar/2/2007, 12:42 pm
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