Badgermole
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Pariah (Xbox)
Pariah
Platform(s): Xbox/PC
Developer(s): Digital Extremes
Developer(s): Groove Games
Release Date: USA; May 3rd, 2005
Genre(s): First Person Shooter
Mode(s): Single Player, Multiplayer, Multiplayer (online), Map Editor
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Review:
-Single Player Gameplay 1/10
As a game in mind of a patient open minded player, willing to smile at (this is a stretch) pretty things glittering at you, and being patient enough for the enemies to figure out you're nearby, this game should surely be good for you. But should you instead be of the sort in the business for a first person shooter where you actually shoot people, then please consider something less enraging... like... 'RedSteel' (Keep in mind I screamed at the T.V. for 4 hours attempting to make the game... work) As it stands the plot of Pariah could have been interesting if taken well in context. From what I read on the back of the box, Pariah is a game based on a crash landing on a 'Prison Planet', and instead of insurrectionists with random cave weapons or guns stolen from guards, of whom are mysteriously lacking, I found myself in combat with mildly retarded black ops members, decked up to the nipples in combat gear and weapons. Of course as it stands, they resembled prisoners in one simple way, they seems to be more interested in writing their name in bullets on the wall behind me as opposed to actually shooting my person. Of course my mad dodging skills (I was standing still) aided me completely. The healing system was very irritating, considering it consists of you stabbing yourself in the arm, and pumping motherboards into your bloodstream. Even then it takes the same time as booting OS 7 on your iMac to heal. The thing that rather irritated me was the fact that you play a doctor, a doctor on a mission to save a sick insurrectionist girl, who somehow gains powers, and then dies in the first five minutes of gameplay, which automatically brings one to wonder, how can someone possibly mess up the plot this fast? I suppose the fact that I did not manage to complete over an hour of this game may take away from the (I use this guardedly) storyline, but being one of little tolerance for mass examples of retardation, I ended my pain swiftly with a swift snapping motion. But as it stands I cannot rely on the fact that the single player story sucks a rank donkey *insert body part here*, but I must also conclude in this section with a speech about the level design. I find that it seems that someone decided each level should be about 8 feet long by 8 feet wide, by 8,000, feet high, is rather un-amusing. Not to mention whenever you load a new level, the contrast in climate and weather is rather shocking. Being that I began the game in a rather grey-colder evening situation, then found myself in a wooded, warm, midday situation, rather alarming. I actually had to pause and think of what the crud I did to mess up the game, at which point I started a new file, and found the exact same situation occurring. This makes me wonder if each level was designed by 14 monkeys, all of which were residing in different countries. As it stands, I was not amused, but the weapons themselves are fun. I love the grenade launcher effects, and the ragdoll is rather fun to watch, and when blown skyward, a insurrectionist can be blown 30-150 feet into the air. Not to mention The rocket launcher with homing capabilities seems to have more intelligence than the A.I. themselves, silly-ness ensues.
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-Multiplayer Gameplay 0/10
Again in this, the most fun aspect of the playing is the application of the weapons. When facing the slightly A.I. you find yourself faced with a situation similar to this example:
"Oh no, and enemy. He's on my radar, and within 100 feet of me. I better go take a nap or else I should surely find myself faced with a long wait."
The obvious choice in this situation would be the sniper rifle, as the average speed of an A.I. is around 1-2km per hour, and the pertain the dodging abilities of a barn. I do hope that you can find people to hire, who are willing to suffer through the multiplayer aspects of the game. Of course, you could also try the Xbox Live feature of the game, and hang around with masochists on break from 'Ninja Gaiden' or the people who are any good at the game because they see you, and they don't like you, therefore they shoot you. Of course, I can only hope you find someone of that stature, As I have yet to discover such advanced intelligence. Keep in mind the 'Map Editor' function, which allows you to make the large metal structure, into a smaller metal structure. Ooooh, the features. How I love them so.
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-Story 0/10
I... What?
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-Conclusion
This game is rather the rage spooge inspiring device. Don't ask for a definition otherwise, because I believe my brain would cause me to hear the voices, and they surely would tell me to kill you.
Rating:
Game play: 1/10
Music: 3/10
Story: -6/10
Overall: Disgusting/10
Last edited by Badgermole, 3/10/2009, 7:01 pm
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3/10/2009, 6:16 pm
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Massive Weaponry
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Registered: 11-2006
Location: Canada. I win.
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Re: Pariah (Xbox)
Good opening review, badger, I could almost feel your rage pouring out of the screen.
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3/10/2009, 6:19 pm
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Badgermole
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Re: Pariah (Xbox)
I broke mine...
It took a solid blow to save you all.
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3/10/2009, 6:21 pm
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gpeiker
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Re: Pariah (Xbox)
quote:
Badgermole wrote:
I broke mine...
It took a solid blow to save you all.
Your review is so funny that it seems like the topic seems a little possitive and a sarcasm positive review I love it keep making crappy games look even worse xD.
--- 
Wii Code:7287-0574-8432-7637
Brawl Code: 1289-7894-2216 |
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3/12/2009, 5:12 pm
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Badgermole
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Re: Pariah (Xbox)
quote:
gpeiker wrote:
keep making crappy games look even worse xD.
It really isn't very hard, all you have to do is make it seems unbearable on the ****ty points, and add lots of smart wordings, and you've got success
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3/13/2009, 12:52 am
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