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Joleen711
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 I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
I am so done. I can not keep doing this. For over 14 years I have battled health issues and God has been there every step of the way. But now I just can not take anymore. I am so tired, hurting so much. I wanna go home.
I went to the dentist knowing they were going to fill 3 teeth. With the osteoporosis, all the "drugs" I have been on and I am on now my teeth are deterioating. he fill the teeth and through it all I was sobbing and shaking uncontrolably. It was way to much for me to do in one day.
I got done and he told me that he could not finish theone tooth because, just in the last few weeks it had got worse and was on top of a nerve so he referred me to a specialist to have a root canal this week. SO then I start crying again and I get up to pay (I have to pay all of it in full each visit) and it was $622.00. what am I going to do? Where can I get that money ans te money that it is going to cost this week for my root canal? Then I see the pain Diagnosic doctor next Friday. We still dont have money for Denver for my surgery.
What is God trying to tell me? Am I so dumb I am not seeing it? I am so tired of hurting,weak, and all the above. what do I do?
I really love my family and all you guys but sometimes I wish God would take me home. I just cant do it anymore. My friends...I dont know what I need to do besides pray. I cant stop sobbing.
I wish you guys were here. I need to crawl up in somebodys lap and just cry. how am I going to be able to do a root canal when this sent me in a whirlwind sobbing episode? I cant do it. they will have to put me out. Also, does this mean I cannot have my surgery? dont you have to wait so long after having dental work before surgery?
Broken and on my knees....Jo
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7/17/2008, 4:13 pm
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horseshadowrider
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Oh Joleen, I wish I could give you a big hug, take you out for a gal's lunch, massage! I'm so sorry things are going this way and I do know what you are feeling. You will feel better tomorrow but right now, things feel very futile, impossible to deal with. Trust God, things WILL work out and right at the right time!
I remember when I heard from Dr. B that I'd have to wait 12-18 months for my fusion, I bawled a ton! I felt SO hopeless in an extreme way. I had my mind and heart all set on going right back to NY for the fusion, I'd gotten all my gumption up and my spirit was there already.
But God has a plan, always remember that. And His Ways are not our ways. He has a plan and maybe you will need to wait on your surgery, I don't know. Maybe not. But try to go with His leading and trust, trust, trust, okay???
I know exactly how you feel!!! But it does get better and things make more sense as a few days go by.
My prayers have been with you this afternoon after I read this post, and I'm continuing to pray. Sister, it WILL be okay, you'll see.
I mean, you can't SEE it right now, but that is when God is really set up to work on your behalf.
love you! hang in there!
Virginia
---
Virginia
4 plc fracture of the C1, Tethered Cord, (acquired chiari and elongated brainstem resolved by Tethered Cord surgery); atlanto occipital dislocation and cranial settling all due to equestrian accident,
2004. CC Fusion upcoming.
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7/17/2008, 9:57 pm
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Joleen711
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Virginia,
Thank you so much. I am refocused tonight somewhat. I was just so overwhelmed after filling the three teeth and then it all hit me so hard. I was so broken. I called my mentor/accountability partner and she kept telling me dont cancel your surgery, dont...this will help you and all I keep saying to her and God was "why..so he can allow more health trials? It doe not matter, he keeps on and on. i was so angry with God. Please forgive me Lord. I know your ways are not mine. But I just dont know what to do. i try so hard to live my life as a christian the best way I know how to and I have asked him to show me, guide me to open my eyes and heart and show me what is He trying to tell me.
Am I so dumb that I cannot see the lesson I need to learn all these years of suffering or is He using this to bring my hubby closer to Him and my kids? I know we will get through this but as christians we have to act at some point. We can not just sit here and wait for God to pay our bills, oe feed our children we have to do the physical work in order to get things done. i just dont know what to even ask for or how to ask.
I got mad at him and said I was done and I wanted to go home. i really want to stay for my family, but I am tired, as you know so very well. And why should I complain V.? I look at all that you endure or little Riley or our friend who has ALS and I am so selfish to even complain.
Thank you just for being there and not judging me. I feel so alone (when it comes to physical friends). I know God is with me every second but I sure wish I had a close friend that was near. I am so happy that I have you guys. You have been such a blessing to me especially. And one day I will take that hug, lol.
(((((Virginia))))I love you sweetie, Joleen
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7/18/2008, 1:01 am
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GaleB
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
May the love of our Lord Jesus Christ permeate your soul tonight Joleen.
Dear Father,
Your daughter is weak. Lord I ask your special love to raise her up Father. I ask for her to see the other side of this suffering. Lift her above the crashing waves Father. You have said, where is our faith, Lord, we are but humans, sometimes we fall under the weight. Please Lord, lift her burdens. Lord I ask financial relief for Joleen and her family. I ask Father a tangible way for her to have the surgery she needs.
Lord God, we know you do these things for us every single day, every single hour, during our weak times Lord, hold us tight. Be with our Sister and give her peace.
In your Sons name I pray.
Gale
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7/18/2008, 5:04 am
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GaleB
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Joleen, I to wish I could physically hug you. Please know you are so much in my heart and prayers. I hope today seems brighter for you Sweet Lady. You mean so much to us here. The bible verses, laughter , Bible study contributions, and your beautiful prayers, lift us up every day.
Thank you Joleen. Your presence in our lives,is a blessing. I can only imagine how much your family loves you and you mean to them, just by your sweet spirit.
God loves you so much.... More than you love your children or DH.  Such a beautiful , sweet wonderful love.
((((((((((((Joleen))))))))))))))
Gale
Last edited by GaleB, 7/18/2008, 12:08 pm
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7/18/2008, 12:06 pm
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Joleen711
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Thank you for you loving, gentle words. I still do not know the hows, whys, whens,or whats but one thing that you gals said was that God does have a plan and our ways are nt His ways. I woke up this morning and as you know, crying is one the worse things that tires me out. I layed it bed, puffy eyes, bruised mouth and face (from the dentist) and hurting teeth and in massive pain after 12 hours of having no medications. So I got up, made coffee, looked outside to see the goats calling on us for their food. I layed back down in bed withh a cup of coffee and fell back to sleep.  That is not normal for me. I am up at 5:00 every morning..still from the old days of ranching and feeding.
So once I got up and did my devotions, prayer, scripture i was reading something and it really caught my attention. I will share in next post so it is not too long.
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7/18/2008, 2:13 pm
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dtyree
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Joleen, my heart goes out to you as you struggle.
Years ago, my family did not have enough money to buy food. A fried of ours who was in the service brought to us cases of C rations left over from WW2. This sustained us for two weeks. Albeit it was not what we wanted, we survived and God provided.
He provides, always, in His time at His choosing. With all of your faith, stay in His will and He will give. And it will come when you least expect it and most often from a place unknown. That is the joy of God. It will come.
---
Bark less, and wag more often.
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7/18/2008, 2:16 pm
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Joleen711
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
it is called "Disappointment is a good thing?"
By D.W.
Disappointment in Circumstances:
Disappoitment also comes when we think we know teh best outcome for a situation and it lloks like that ooutcome will not happen. We (I) forget the absolute sovereignty of God. Sometimes we are so set on what we think needs to happen that we loose sight of what is truly important for eternity.
Pretty good for what I am dealing with.
I was so overstimulated yesterday and shaking so bad. I cannot even begin to think how I will be able to have a root canal. Then I have concerns about having the root cannal within 30 days of my surgery. So please continue to pray for me (as I know you guys do every day). And I have to say thank you so much for your faithfulness.
I love you guys. I know that through God we will all get through each day together, hand in hand. (((((Gale))))(((((Virginia))))
Love you, Joleen
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7/18/2008, 2:41 pm
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Joleen711
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
David, thank you so much for reminding me of his faithfulness. i was told by my accountability partner yesterday that she was so blessed by my faithfulness and stregnth through everything I have had to endure in my life. I told her her...its all fake. its not me, its God. I am so weak it is pitiful but God gives me the strength.
I realized I had told her that last night. Even through despare I knew He was in control, but my eyes were closed.
Thank you again for your encouraging reminder of Gods promise to me (us). Hugs, Joleen
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7/18/2008, 2:59 pm
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ket85rn
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Re: I can not take anymore...Lord Please hear me
Oh, Joleen. I, too, wish I could be there for you to give you a hug!! I'm so sorry you are going through all this but as, Virginia said, God has a way of working things out. I'll be praying that you see things work out soon.
Leave it to a trip to the dentist to trigger a meltdown! Believe me, I can empathize with you there. Even a good trip to the dentist can send me over the edge!
I know exactly how you feel as far as being lonely for physical friends. I have only had a handful of really close friends in my lifetime, and they always seem to end up far away or not the friends i thought they were. What a blessing it would be if we could someday all meet!
Father God, I lift up our dearest Joleen to you this evening. I pray that she has felt the prayers of our brothers and sisters here and is having a much more peaceful day today. Please let her feel your powerful presence in her life. Thank you for her sweet spirit, for her daily postings of scripture, and the petitions she posts with them, they are truly a blessing. Thank you for her friendship and and her fellowship here, please allow her to realize her tremendous worth to you and to all of us. I pray in the mighty name of your Son Jesus Christ.
Karen
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7/18/2008, 6:50 pm
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