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Lesigner Girl
Minerva
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Registered: 11-2005
Province: SW MI, USA
Posts: 5128
Karma: 89 (+103/-14)
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 Thanks for all those email forwards.
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with CALLS TO Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day...
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
---
Thanks to the person who forwarded this to me. I got a good laugh out of it, because I've received most of these emails myself. 
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4/15/2008, 5:26 pm
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Lesigner Girl
Minerva
Worldly Traveler (premium)
Runboard staff member
Registered: 11-2005
Province: SW MI, USA
Posts: 5128
Karma: 89 (+103/-14)
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Re: Thanks for all those email forwards.
Hahaha! I love it!
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4/15/2008, 6:11 pm
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SKOKEY
Citizen
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Registered: 12-2005
Province: Bennington, NH
Posts: 364
Karma: 11 (+12/-1)
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Re: Thanks for all those email forwards.
As careful as you are now, you should live to a very ripe old age.
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4/15/2008, 6:52 pm
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Lesigner Girl
Minerva
Worldly Traveler (premium)
Runboard staff member
Registered: 11-2005
Province: SW MI, USA
Posts: 5128
Karma: 89 (+103/-14)
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Re: Thanks for all those email forwards.
Me? Careful? 
On the contrary, I purposely expose myself to all kinds of germs to keep my immune system in shape, and I very rarely get sick, I take stairs at least two at a time and will even run up them. Because I like to be efficient, I will pull my pocket knife out of my pocket and cut a box open while I'm walking with it.... And those are just a few examples of stuff I do all the time. 
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4/15/2008, 7:03 pm
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PM Lesigner Girl
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Lesigner Girl
Minerva
Worldly Traveler (premium)
Runboard staff member
Registered: 11-2005
Province: SW MI, USA
Posts: 5128
Karma: 89 (+103/-14)
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Re: Thanks for all those email forwards.
Me too!
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4/16/2008, 9:52 pm
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PM Lesigner Girl
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Lesigner Girl
Minerva
Worldly Traveler (premium)
Runboard staff member
Registered: 11-2005
Province: SW MI, USA
Posts: 5128
Karma: 89 (+103/-14)
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Reply | Quote
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Re: Thanks for all those email forwards.
I still don't understand why you do, but I won't complain.
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4/17/2008, 6:57 pm
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PM Lesigner Girl
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