tryingtowrite
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Exercise -Setting the mood
Aspen trees with sparce grass beneath them. A few blue flowers scattered around. Very litte sunlight.
Write a couple, more elaborate, descriptions, based off this description, and try to set the mood different in each. Afterwards we can discuss which scenes and words worked and which didn't.
Here's an example using a different discription: Overhanging evergreens. Spongy, wet moss. Nearby creek. Rays of sunlight.
Bright sunlight filtered though the long, sweeping pine branches and cast a lacy pattern over the forest floor. Dew sparkled on the thick carpet of moss flung between the tree trunks. A creek burbled to itself as it wound onward.
The sun clawed it way through the mat of interwoven branches. Dew clung to the sharp spines of the moss clumped between gnarled tree trunks. A creek fought through reeds, rocks, and slime.
Have fun!
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5/28/2008, 7:22 pm
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Reythia
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
Okay, I'm not sure how well I'll do at this. Frankly, the short description that Trying gave as a starter is longer than anything I usually write in my stories! I REALLY don't go in for much physical description! But I'll try. Let me know how I do!
quote:
tryingtowrite wrote:
Aspen trees with sparce grass beneath them. A few blue flowers scattered around. Very little sunlight.
Kairi blinked her eyes as she awoke, lying flat on her back and with an uncomfortable rock pressed against her spine. Where was she this time?
In a forest, that much was clear. Trees rose from all sides of her, towering above her, straight and tall and barren of branches until far above her head. The canopy was green with summery leaves and thick enough to block any view of the sky. Here and there a tiny ray of light shot through and illuminated the ground for an instant, fading back into shadow as the far-off leaves rustled into a new position. Dazed as she was, Kairi watched the blinking speckles on the ground next to her for several minutes before she could pull herself away. It was like watching the stars twinkle, or a fairy shine.
Kairi sat up and forced herself to her knees. The world tumbled around her, making the leaf-light even more chaotic. She closed her eyes a moment until the dizziness faded. Opening them again, cautiously, she focused on the ground between her fingers, waiting until the moss-covered dirt came cleanly into focus before lifting her head once again.
The vertigo was gentler this time, so that Kairi could focus on the rest of her surroundings. The trees were as tall as she had expected from her initial glance upwards, but there was surprisingly little underbrush. Or perhaps it was not that surprising, she realized, given how little light made it through the trees. There was a touch of grass straggling up here and there between the moss. Tiny, delicate flowers spread in clusters on the ground, their blue petals a shocking burst of color in this otherwise dim world.
Right then, Kairi told herself, this time you're in a forest. Looks like a nice place, assuming its not swarming with bears or something. Now... if only you knew which planet this forest was on...
---  -- YAR! |
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5/29/2008, 4:29 pm
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Reythia
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
(Needless to say, I found it impossible just to write description with no story surrounding it. I just can't bring myself to do it!)
--- -- YAR! |
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5/29/2008, 4:32 pm
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hadaad
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
I suffer from the same problem (is it a problem?) as Reythia does. I will get to this exercise, however, once I am sure my bugfix works.
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Reading: Don Quixote - Miguel de Cervantes
Writing: Resurrection edits
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5/29/2008, 5:17 pm
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Reythia
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
quote:
Firlefanz wrote:
Wooh, Reythia! This is intriguing. Now I want to know how Kari does her planet-hopping.
Why thank you, Firle! To tell to the truth, I haven't thought that far through the story yet.  That last line about not knowing what planet she was on really just wrote itself.
I think, if I was going to continue this piece, I would have the planet-hopping be something she either didn't instigate or else something she did in a panic, without time to plan. Was Kairi running away from someone and teleported blindly? Was she somehow drawn to this planet by some sort of consciousness, maybe to solve a problem here? Was she investigating an alien piece of technology which somehow transported her here?
I don't know -- I was really too busy worrying about getting all the blasted descriptions in to pick one. (Plus it was supposed to be short and if I thought too much, it would become a novel instead.) So... how did the description go? That was what the challenge really was. Did it come across cleanly? Was there anything that stood out as a really sharp example of when description adds to a story? Which descriptive details were unimportant or even distracting? And perhaps most importantly: if this WAS part of a longer story or novel, would this description help the story along, or just bog it down?
And also, where's your example? Come, come. Your turn, guys!
Last edited by Reythia, 6/3/2008, 6:20 pm
--- -- YAR! |
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6/3/2008, 6:19 pm
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Firlefanz
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
Okay, here is mine. I took the second set, but it still turned out to be only a short scene:
Rrarka stretched. It wasn't just a casual stretch, this was an all-out and muscle-loosening stretch. She took her time about it, lying in the spongy wet moss, reveling in the cool support it gave her. Of course, that stretch was serious business. It was the first step in starting a hunt that would take Rrarka away from the little creak where she preferred to rest.
Finally, she left her sweet spot where rays of sunlight bathed her mottled fur. Slinking quietly beneath the overhanging evergrees, she did what she did best: Stalk and pounce. This time of the year, her prey was exquisitely two-legged and intelligent to boot. And she'd get handsome rewards for every prey she caught unharmed. Rrarka grinned to herself, took in the air and snuck into the perfect spot for her first ambush.
--- - Firlefanz
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6/3/2008, 6:45 pm
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tryingtowrite
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
I forgot about this!  I'll post tomorrow, if I can find the time.
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7/2/2008, 12:38 am
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tryingtowrite
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Re: Exercise -Setting the mood
quote:
would this description help the story along
That’s what I was trying to get at. Instead of just having a bit of description, make it important by linking it to the emotions, mood, of your character. So if your character is depressed you might describe the forest like this: The air hung heavy and dead under the trees. Dust puffed around my feet as I traversed the barren wasteland beneath the twisted nest of branches. A few pale-blue flowers wilted on their stems in one of the scarce patches of sunlight.
But if the character is happy: The air hung breathless beneath the trees. I stepped onto bare, fertile ground- ground ripe for a seed to drop from the canopy above. Pale-blue flowers bobbed on their stems, set to glowing by a ray of sun that managed to reach through the shifting leaves.
Hmm…not sure if my explanation or examples made any sense.
By the way I liked the scenes you guys did.
Last edited by tryingtowrite, 7/2/2008, 8:33 pm
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7/2/2008, 8:32 pm
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