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cut2thecore
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"How to Fall out of Love."
How to Fall out of Love: How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts--and Find the Love That Heals... (Mass Market Paperback)
by Dr. Debora Phillips (Author), Robert Judd (Author)
Today at the bookstore I decided that I was threw learning about "N"s disease and picked up this book to help myself.
I know he's a "N" and there is nothing I can do for him. The more I study and think about him the harder it is to let go.
The rule for me right now is to think about him as little as possible. The more I wallow in this the more I hurt.
The book listed above has some great tips to retrain your brain to fall out of love.
I've also seen lots of tips on this website.
You know if you bust yourself in the face everytime you think about them ----then you'll eventually STOP obsessing. hehe. KIDDING!
Seriously though, if you are obsessing like me----check it out!
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Dec/10/2008, 7:06 pm
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narcissistjunkee2
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
Also Cut2 I was out tonight having a great time until b*tth*le texted me.
Maybe if they would just leave us the f**k alone we wouldn't waste our lives thinking about them!!
Just my thoughts for this evening.
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Dec/10/2008, 7:09 pm
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LaLa Land
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
I haven't spoken to my XN due to restraining order for 4 1/2 months, and I still think about him / it constantly. I think it's PTSD.
I'll definitely check out the book - there's also one by Dr. Tracy Cabot ...
http://loveadvice.com/
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Dec/10/2008, 8:25 pm
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graceful
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
me to LaLa.....i still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of him.
it's always a new memory...so i think i'm still waking up and learning. My therapist says it's healthy....i don't know. I need to get through this pain and these memories of what happened....it's all growth
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Dec/10/2008, 8:29 pm
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Change9
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
I don't have the love burden.
That actually died one day.
I remember the day it died but not the exact date. He had done or said something nasty, and well it shut off like a spigot.
Romantic love is a lie a lot of the time.
Ask yourself what is love? A lot of it out there is an illusion.
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Dec/10/2008, 8:56 pm
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littledove
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
My 'love' has become revoltion, disgust, and repulsion.
I am not yet where I want to be- indifference.
I cannot look back at who that man is with rose tinted glasses. I find him to be sickening and abhorrent in everyway.
Its impossible to see any good ever again...his eyes are lying eyes, his body dirty, his thoughts evil.
I fell out of any kind ..imaginary or real LOVE the day I understood just how shallow and maniplative he is.
The world would be a better place without his vile stench!!
Wake up, and be real about how badly they treat YOU and everyone- how can anyone LOVE? that?...no...its habitual, and addicive..
NOT love...its missing the familiar. Even if the familiar sh*t all over you..?
Errrgh. I could never love him I dont and never will again. If I did, id be ripping myself off.
Im im GLAD. because in knowing I dont love him in anyway- I KNOW I love ME.
Letting go and seeing HIM for what he is -has healed my heart.
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Dec/10/2008, 9:54 pm
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AftertheStorm
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
Awww...Rose colored glasses...mine must have been "A lighter Shade of Pale"...LOL
---
Never make someone a priority who sees you only as an option.
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Dec/10/2008, 10:10 pm
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Change9
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
My 'love' has become revoltion, disgust, and repulsion.
I am not yet where I want to be- indifference.
Understand.
I am at indifference. Just get away from me. I live all day reading books, watching TV, listening to lectures and sermons on Ipod. I am alone now, so in that way used to it. I still remember the time I was walking through a grocery store, and this was after he had sabotaged job here, and thought, this person is no ally, and time to act accordingly.
I fell out of any kind ..imaginary or real LOVE the day I understood just how shallow and maniplative he is.
That is what happened to me. When I realized all the love talk was FAKE, and how immense the manipulation.
I told a friend on the phone, there probably never was love here at most lust. This relationship is unholy and now I believe isnt even a valid marriage in the eyes of God. She told me even 5 years ago, that I sounded like a single woman, who was more into my friendships and "outside life".
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Dec/11/2008, 4:32 am
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FREEGIRL
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
Little Dove!
AMEN SISTER!!!!!!
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Dec/11/2008, 10:32 am
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cut2thecore
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Re: "How to Fall out of Love."
I did "love" the "N"s "false" self. I notice that the majority of the time I am sickened and repulsed by thoughts of him. Occasionally though, the false "N" creeps into my mind and brings back all those warm fuzzy memories. Those memories cause me pain and hurt because I realize none of it was real.... and it's over.
Stopping these thoughts are important to me because the less I think about him ...the less I hurt.
The book is about thought stopping. Stopping the thoughts of them before you trigger the thought=feeling=thought process. When a thought of them comes into your mind--you simply say STOP! and then you replace it with a pleasant memory or fantasy that doesn't have to do with them. Doing this EVERY time they come into your mind----retrains your brain not to think of them.
Also, learning to take them off their pedestool---and seeing their flaws help. Picking out a few of their flaws or perfections and exaggerating them into something that makes them look funny or repulsive helps. Hence, helping you to fall out of love with them---and stop thinking about them. Its so torturous being in love with someone that we know isn't good/healthy for us and continuing to let them back in our lives.
My "N" is overweight and lazy so I've been picturing him locked up in his house with tons of junkfood and fast food---just shoving his face with it---and because he's so lazy---I imagine him wearing a diaper because he's too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. Then not showering and smelling for days. haha Ewww. So nasty. And then to get his nice smile out of my mind I picture him toothless in my mind with coldsores all around his lips. Makes me feel so repulsed. I'm really starting to feel so disgusted by the thought of him....It's working! YESSSSS! Awesome!
I haven't talked to him for a week now. I changed my email, my instant message screen name and my phone number. I'm doing this and I'm feeling strong today. I like the way I feel---I feel enlightened and I'm on the road to recovery. Who knows what's down the road? At least I know it's not a dead end. 
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Dec/11/2008, 7:30 pm
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