femfree
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Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
Riding out the No Contact Storm
TOP 10 THINGS TO DO
"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together."
(anon.)
Member's Quotes...
"I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was."
"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant
everything to you, but you meant nothing to
him."
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1. Organize your bra, pantyhose and makeup stuff, clean out a kitchen cupboard, small tasks to fill the time.
2. Draw a picture of him and put it on your pillow and punch it until your arm is so sore you couldn't go out anyway. If you're a guy, organize your tool box then in Step 2 draw a picture of her and really tell her off.
3. Get in touch with your anger. He treated you bad and you should be mad.
4. Play some good breakup songs and do some aerobics. Get a good workout. Join some single volunteers. Give your time and talents to good people, not bad ones.
5. Grab your list of Top 10 things he did that really hurt you. Add to it. Do up some 3x5 cards so you can throw them in your pocket for later.
6. Add on to the songs below. Do you online buds a favor.
7. Write a poem.
8. Get thee to Church on Sunday - God promised he'd get us throught the bad stuff.
8. Read some of those quotes from people
http://abuserecovery.synthasite.com/
9. Remind Yourself - Don't Call Him? Don't Talk to him? Don't Respond to Him? Don't Drive Past His House? Don't Check his web page? "Don't give him the satisfaction."
10+. Meet a friend for coffee.
Volunteer to help others or animals.
Go workout at a gym.
get into a really good book.
Have a buring night where you and your friends burn all the stuff that reminds you of him. Look up the quote of the day, joke of the day, learn a new word each day.
"For me, being around other people helped to keep my mind off of him and all that had happened. I felt numb all over, however, it was better than staying home alone obsessing over him."
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BREAKUP SONGS:
Adele - Rolling in the Deep
Elton John I'm Still Standing
Tori Amos-- Precious Things
Pat Benatar-- Love is a Battlefield
Ben Folds Five-- Song For the Dumped
Black Eyed Peas-- Shut Up
Ray Charles-- Hit the Road Jack
Sheryl Crow-- Anything But Down
Ani DiFranco-- Outta Me, Onto You
Elton John-- Love Lies Bleeding
Evanescence-- Call Me When You're Sober
Fleetwood Mac-- The Chain
Fleetwood Mac-- Go Your Own Way
J Geils Band-- Love Stinks
Green Day-- Good Riddance
Greg Kihn-- The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)
Avril Lavigne-- So Much For My Happy Ending
Alanis Morisette-- You Oughta Know
Pearl Jam-- Black
Tom Petty-- You Got Lucky
The Police-- Can't Stand Losing You
The Postal Service- Nothing Better
REM-- The One I Love
Cher-- Believe
Cher-- Strong Enough
Christina Aguilera-- Fighter
Destiny's Child-- Survivor
Lara Fabian-- I Will Love Again
Gloria Gaynor-- I Will Survive
M People- Moving on Up
Scandal-- Goodbye to You
Nancy Sinatra-- These Boots are Made For Walkin'
My Give a Damn's Busted
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Take a Hike Creep
Hit the Road Jack
Watch Me
Home Wrecker
These Boots Were Made for Walking by Nancy Sinatra
You Don't Own Me by Lesley Gore
Kiss This
________________
Graphic by Tag You're It (former MSN Group)
Last edited by femfree, Dec/31/2011, 11:05 am
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"Sometimes it takes years to really grasp what has happened to your life." Wilma Rudolph
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Mar/21/2009, 9:32 am
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karen d
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Re: Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
I moved to another state by my kids to help me get over joe. Been 3 days. I still love the sorry sob. Soooooooo N. always right. never treated me good. physical verbal emotional abuse. why can't I get it over with? maybe the "I love you calls everynight except last night tear me to pieces. what to do?
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May/16/2009, 10:50 am
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femfree
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Re: Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
Hi. I think you're just going through a bout of Malignant Optimism - we all do.
If he calls, hang up the split second you hear his voice. It's that easy.
Get a record of his calls - you can have him charged with harassment. He'll soon stop when he realizes he is going to ruin his own reputation. But don't take his bait.
Hang in there - it's only a few days for you. It does get better but it usually takes about the 3-6 months time before it all begins to make sense and we refind our strengths.
I know it's rough - they are such awful creatures.
Take Care
femfree
"If only he tried hard enough", "If he only really wanted to heal", "If only we found the right therapy", "If only his defences were down", "There MUST be something good and worthy under the hideous facade", "NO ONE can be that evil and destructive", "He must have meant it differently" "God, or a higher being, or the spirit, or the soul is the solution and the answer to our prayers". The narcissist holds such thinking in barely undisguised contempt. To him, it is a sign of weakness, the scent of prey, a gaping vulnerability. He uses and abuses this human need for order, good, and meaning - as he uses and abuses all other human needs. Gullibility, selective blindness, malignant optimism - these are the weapons of the beast. And the abused are hard at work to provide it with its arsenal.
The Malignant Optimism of the Abused - Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html
Last edited by femfree, May/18/2009, 11:40 am
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"Sometimes it takes years to really grasp what has happened to your life." Wilma Rudolph
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May/18/2009, 11:39 am
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Rowie17
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 Re: Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
I need help. I know my STBX-BF is an NP. We've been together on an off for 20 years. We have one child who hates him. I can't tell anyone of the pain and humiliation my NP has put me though as I am the "strong one" in the family - the one who doesn't take any crap!! What a laugh - if they only knew - but they don't have any idea because I am too embarrassed to to tell them. Long story short he has dumped me with no warning or remorse and is living with his new GF. He left a message on my phone after 2 weeks saying he is hibernating and dealing with some problems, but does not want to end our relationship. I know he will call again, I wait for the phone to ring hoping it's him. I really want to ignore him but I miss him so much!! I'm pathetic, what should I say to him. I really have to end it and get on with my life - this can go on for another 20 years.
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Jun/3/2009, 1:14 pm
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takeastand
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Re: Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
Im in the same situation that your in it was really bad with my x left me and cheated on me once before and i got pregnant, he threw me out at 5 months pregnant with his child and accused me of rapping him, and told me that he hated me and my child and that i was going to die in childbirth with my son not to mention he was married and had another mistress in another state, and was told that i needed to abort my child immediately... I told him to suck it that isnt going to happen
some time went by and needless to say i took him back, he was not done with finishing me off and and sucking me emotionally dry, then everything that happened in the past started to happen again but with vengence, I have my son and he does not want to pay his child support and does not have any emotional ties with my son, and told me that he rather raise someone elses children rather than his own and that he is not emotionally avalible, I have had enough hes does not rule my life anymore. null
The moral of the story are you ready to take control and to move on? if so enhance your life, go for that job promotion, go on that diet, go back to school, travel, make some kind of bucket list and see how many items you can achive that you always wanted to do what i did was im going to register for school and finishing my buisness and marketing degrees continuing to raise my young son and be very active with him, do activities that are positive and that would boost your self esteem and improve your quality of life, because in all reality he doesnt care what u do but dont let it cripple you take your life back and tell him to suck it!!!!! good luck and god bless
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Oct/23/2010, 11:42 am
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slimred
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Re: Riding Out The Storm - What To Do During No Contact
i am in the same boat. my no contact started this last tue by law when i filed harassment charges against my sociopathic ex which is good for me cuz then i am held accountable. all i want to do is call and throw all his words and lies and promises back in his face even though i know it does nothing to him but turn it all around on me and make me out to be the crazy one who caused all the problems. he actually said the last day he talked to me was that all i did was cause problems and to leave him alone. when actually he the chronic alcoholic and unfaithful pathological liar and user and sociopath and really he caused all the problems for himself and caused me to act out my hurt by the way he treated me. ive tried the suggestions above to stop my thoughts but they still come. even though i know it was all a lie and it was never real from day one im still hurt over the dreams and promises i lost. i think in detail about him cheating on me with the other girl(my first time ever being cheated on he was actually my frist bf ever) and what hes doin and saying to her. i realize i kept contact for so long cuz i wanted the attention on me and not her i wanted him to stay obsessed with me and not her even though i know her and me ment nothing of course but its the jealous girl in me that gets fired up. i think about things that he used to say and who he was before the fake image he was presenting to me cracked and the arguments and abusive things he has said then all the fake apologies. he pulled me back in by ways of tearing down the girl he cheated on me with saying he was gunna end it and being with her was a joke and giving fake apologies. i would get a little hope and start contact again only to be let down and tore down and have the girl he cheated on me thrown in my face just hours later. i just want my thoughts to be my own again please help!
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Nov/13/2011, 9:42 pm
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