Narcissistic Abuse Recovery :: General Discussion-Psychopaths :: Fear of Retribution/Coping with the Surreality ~ Runboard

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AmberEyes
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Registered: 09-2009
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Fear of Retribution/Coping with the Surreality

I am just out of a relationship with a diagnosed sociopath. When things turned violent, I got out quick.It has been a dramatic few weeks...like some kind of true life crime show. Three people have told me I should write a book.I have been threatened, choked, knocked unconscious, terriorized. I'm still somewhat in shock.I realize now he was drugging me for several months. In about 3 months I lost 35 pounds and had strange symptoms. I believe that since a few days after he left I have been in withdrawal from whatever it was that he gave me. This all seems so unreal. It's been a nightmare. He is a felon and has been to prison, but has convinced many people that he was getting his life together. He is in the entertainment business and is a "rising star" so to speak.
He warned me that he would "****" me up and legally he has treid to do so, which complicates my life further. I don't want to go into the details because I am still a little paranoid about the whole thing. I know if he wants to get me he can and that my only defense is a gun and alarm to warn me if he breaks in my house. He is extremely intelligent and cunning and patient, and I realize now I have been gaslighted and set up for months. Honestly, my mother and I both believe he had plans to kill me and make it look like an accident. He was pushing me for my power of attorney and for me to write a will. I think he actually believed he could get away with this. Right now I am living in fear. I know what he is capable of. He left much of his paperwork and I have found out a lot about him and have also contacted his exwife, and what I have discovered is sickening: Guns, homemade silencers, homemade bombs, etc. Because of his career I think that he feels he has too much to lose and he will not harm me, but I believe he is doing hard drugs and his behavior is changing, he's becoming inconsistent, and people are beginning to figure out how he really is and I think if he feels he has nothing to lose he will come after me. Although I haven't personally seen him, the neighbors have and he has shown up at their homes unannounced. The neighbors have told him I have a gun. Although I am very liberal and used to be anti-gun, I am now obsessed with guns, learning about them, and self protection. I have never been more frightened in my life. At times I am overwhelmed with panic and fear, at other times I feel strong and that I can handle it. I just cannot believe this is happening to me. My biggest fear is fear of the unknown and what he might do to me. His exwife was afraid of retribution and so am I. I keep telling myself "She is still alive. She is still alive."

Any advice? Has anyone else felt the need to have a gun to protect themselves? How do you cope with the shock? Does it ever get better? Will I ever sleep well again? How did you get though this? How do I tell if his threats are genuine, or if he is just an extreme bully?

Sep/17/2009, 6:35 pm

echo8
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Registered: 03-2009
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