idba0673
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 an amazing discovery...
Well, today was my first day back in the nursing field since 2001 ... and I am surprised how much I loved it! And as the day went on, and I began to remember how it felt to be a nurse, and to take care of people, I realized that when I was with my P, that was all he ever wanted from me! That very energy! He hated anyone, or anything that took my mothering, nurturing energy away from HIM! I was literally drained for all else - to the point that I simply couldn't do it any more ...
but now I'm back, and am so grateful to God to even be alive and have this opportunity again! I love what I do, and I do it well ... and I'm happy to say that it has everything to do with NC since July 2008.
It has taken me that long to get to this point. But I'm thrilled to be back, and again, so very thankful!
I love life again 
sending lots of love, light and laughter to all who are healing .....
idba
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Oct/26/2009, 4:42 pm
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DeMarie57
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Re: an amazing discovery...
idba
Your post was wonderful to read. So very glad you have succeeded in reclaiming your life and your energy! Congrats!
DeMarie
---
DeMarie57
True healing
involves body, mind and Spirit.
~ © Alison Stormwolf ~
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Oct/29/2009, 1:35 pm
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idba0673
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Re: an amazing discovery...
Thank you DeMarie! I hope it can give someone out there going through this as well, encouragement not to give up on themselves and know that it CAN get better.
It has taken a long time to heal, and I am still in therapy now working, but like I said before, I am so very thankful for the opportunity to be able to be alive to do this!
Even though it has been almost a year and a half of NC, I still find myself thinking of my xP from time to time. It's no longer a daily occurance, thank God, because there was a time it was all the time! I would have obsessed thoughts, it seemed like, and felt that I would never be FREE of them.
But I am free now ... and it IS possible. I wasn't so sure it was awhile ago.
Freedom to live my life, freedom to forgive, and freedom to love me! I like who I am, and it hasn't always been this way. Another interesting aspect of this journey I'm on, is that I am also not desperately seeking a relationship. That's a wild concept to me lol I've been single this whole time, and in a way been dating myself. Sounds, on one hand, so very sad, lonely and bordering pathetic; but the reality of it is - What a very COOL place to find myself at! I like who I am, I honor my inner voice, I am learning each day what I am capable of and where I would like to go, without someone else influencing, controlling or manipulating me to do so.
It feels very peaceful, very relaxaed, just very natural. So when I do receive a conflicting emotion to these feelings, I'm able to spot it quickly, evaluate where it's coming from and why, and adjust accordingly.
There are times when I feel that lonely tug, and long to feel a warm embrace or a closeness with another, but believe at some point in the future I will meet someone I can be intimate and close with (in the meantime body pillows are great to sleep with lol) - this will be a healthy relationship, and it will be worth the wait. I'm still learning what all I have to offer, so when I do begin to actually date out there, you can be sure that I will know my value and self-worth; and if I meet someone who cannot bring his own value and self-worth to this, and who does not honor my own, then I can't afford to spend the energy on it.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying my own company, for the first time ever I think? And I must say, I amuse myself
thank you again, take great care!
{{{{hugs}}}}
idba
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Oct/30/2009, 8:27 am
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