Earth Angel1
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 newbie, Dont understand what is happening to me
I ended a relationship with a psychopath 6 years ago. I have had PTSD ever since. But after learning through the grapevine this person has been in and out of jail ever since and currently has a warrant out complete with a mugshot online it has triggered all sorts of memories. I am having nightmares about the TORTURE this man put me through and it is like I am re-living the whole thing over and over in my mind. I am having trouble sleeping. I still feel shocked that I fell prey to this cunning man. He robbed me and my family financially and emotionally. I "waited for him" throughout a 2 year jail sentence only to be discarded and replaced a couple of months after his release. I dont know if I have repressed all of my feelings and they are only now just coming out, but I feel absolutely enraged. I dont know how to deal with the anger and hatred I feel. I want revenge! I want him to rot in jail forever. I am really pissed off because I never feel like I ever got closure in this relationship. My stomach is in knots. I loved this man. How can a human being not be capable of love and empathy? Do I need therapy? I feel so used and hurt to the core of my being. I just dont know how to deal with this. And I dont understand where this all came from all of a sudden. Please help. And how could I still feel an ounce of mourning for a man who humiliated me in front of others, threatened to kill me and choked me on a regular basis? How could I love someone like that?
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Oct/28/2009, 4:26 pm
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bellvireo
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Re: newbie, Dont understand what is happening to me
Hi Earth Angel,
I'm so sorry you're going through so much pain right now.
Being angry is OK. It's best to get it out of you. Try smacking the heck out of pillow, or beating the sand with a stick, or punching a punching bag, or just running til you're so tired you aren't crying anymore. The revenge route will only bring you more pain and may get you in trouble. Don't go there.
There's a lot of really good info on the board to help you. Therapy is always an option. Some of the others may have better suggestions for that for you.
I'd try posting this on the Narc site instead of the Psych one, you'll get more response.
Many hugs to you.  bellvireo
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Oct/29/2009, 6:34 pm
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anewthingforme1
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Re: newbie, Dont understand what is happening to me
It takes a long time to get over any kind of PTSD.
You need real life help in the form of therapy. Find someone who specializes in NPD or PTSD. It will help you heal.
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". Mary Anne Radmacher
http://bombshellblissnow.blogspot.com/
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Nov/2/2009, 12:53 pm
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