LynnS
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He's Not Good Relationship Material
He's Not Good Relationship Material
Contributed by member, Aphrodite
Since arriving at this board over 2 1/2 years ago, I have read so many heartbreaking, even jaw dropping stories of misplaced affections, it seems to me it might be helpful to discuss how one can weed out inappropriate partner choices quickly and simply. So as a "public service" for others (as well as myself), I have compiled a list here of some, unfortunately, common warning signs that all is not well. This list is based on my own experiences, those of others I know or know of, and the long line of tales of woe I have read on this board.
I have written this with women in mind but it applies in reverse to how men need to be wary too.
What are some of the signs for a single woman (or man) to help them discern that the new guy (or gal) they are seeing is Not Good Relationship Material?
If a man (or woman)is already married, he (she) is Not Good Relationship Material.
If a man is already married but "his wife doesn't understand him" or "no longer wants sex", he is Not Good Relationship Material.
If a man is already married but his wife and he have "an understanding" and besides, "he thinks she is cheating on him", he is Not Good Relationship Material.
If a man is separated from his wife but they are still living in the same house "for finanacial reasons," he is NGRM.
If a man has been separated from his wife for ten years and never got around to getting the divorce, he is NGRM.
If a man has been married and divorced four times and all his ex-wives were "psycho mega-*****es", he is NGRM.
If a man was brought up on assault and domestic violence charges in any of his previous relationships, he is NGRM.
If a man is an alcoholic, he is NGRM.
If a man consumes a lot of alcohol but "could stop if he wanted", he is NGRM.
If a man has had six beers before showing up for your date, he is NGRM.
If a man gets drunk, beats you up, and then apologizes profusely with candy and flowers, he is NGRM.
If he avoids the local AA group because they are not his "intellectual equals", he is NGRM.
If a man is a drug addict, he is NGRM.
If a man only needs "a little blow" to take "the edge off" from work stress, he is NGRM.
If every dime he makes is going toward his stash, he is NGRM.
If a man is a sex addict, he is NGRM.
If a man is seeing five other women besides you, he is NGRM.
If the number of women he has bedded is in the triple digits or beyond, he is NGRM.
If a man spends his evenings locked in the den glued to porn sites on his computer, he is NGRM.
If a man says porn is healthy and you are "just being a prude", he is NGRM.
If a man can't get turned on to you unless you have a thong up your butt and are wearing 6 inch stiletto heels, he is NGRM.
If a man wants a three-some, he is not NGRM.
If a man pressures you to do sexual things you don't feel comfortable with, he is NGRM.
If a man is BDSM, he is NGRM.
If a man lies to you, he is NGRM.
If a man says he was out with the boys but you learn he really had dinner with his ex-he is NGRM.
If a guy says "well, yeah, I didn't really lie, I just didn't tell you the truth", that is childish, and he is NGRM.
If a man has been hiding another relationship or life, he is NGRM.
If a man has women calling him at all hours of the day and night, he is NGRM.
If a man says he was a Navy Seal but you find out that was a complete fabrication, he is NGRM.
If a man is unemployed and making no effort to change the situation, he is NGRM.
If a man has had 5 jobs in 6 months, he is NGRM.
If a man seems overly concerned with your job and your bank account, he is NGRM.
If a man won't spend any money on you, he is NGRM.
If you always have to pick up the tab, he is definitely NGRM.
If a man seems to have "invisible means of support" and you can't figure out his financial situation, he is NGRM.
If you are a recent widow with a home and insurance settlement and he moves in on you like a tornado, he is NGRM.
If a man asks to borrow money from you, he is NGRM.
If a man pressures you to co-sign a loan or invest in his business, he is NGRM.
If you find out a man has taken a secret life insurance policy out on you, get away! He is NGRM!
If a man calls his mother ten times a day, he is NGRM.
If a man sides with his mother against you, he is NGRM.
If a man has no relationship whatsoever with his mother, he is probably going to be NGRM.
If a man is very negative about everything, a regular killjoy, he is NGRM.
If a man is very critical of you, he is NGRM.
If a man makes rather hurtful comments about you but, you know, "it was just a joke", he is NGRM.
If a man tells you you are too fat and that you need to dye your hair blond, he is NGRM.
If a man raves about all kinds of other women, actresses, on the street, in the restaurant and makes you feel like a toad, he is NGRM.
If a man spends most of the party in a corner talking to another woman, be forewarned. He is NGRM.
If a man goes on and on about the sex he had with his exes, informing you of all the gory details like practices and positions, give him the hook. He is NGRM.
If a man engages you in a triangular "game" with another woman, refuse to play. He is NGRM.
If a man puts you down in front of other people, he is NGRM.
If a man puts down your job, your house, your children, your clothing, your furniture, your education, your hobbies, your interests, your family, your aspirations, your goals-show him the door. He is NGRM.
Well-I could go on but you get the point. Probably the single most important thing though is this-
If for whatever reason, even if you can't articulate it, your gut is telling you something is not right, you feel uncomfortable, you feel attacked, you feel used, you don't feel cared for or really loved or appreciated, then LISTEN UP. Trust your instinct-it's trying to warn you, to tell you that the other person is NOT GOOD RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL for you.
Tag: http://members.fotki.com/BBWMISTY/
DO NOT COPY THIS PAGE
Last edited by femfree, Mar/5/2009, 10:04 pm
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"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
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Jan/8/2009, 8:38 am
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seligman
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Re: He's Not Good Relationship Material
Good article...funny too. 
Anyone have any more they can contribute? I am thinking more along the lines of "covert" stuff. The things that aren't so obvious and blatant...that is how the N got me was that way.
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Apr/25/2009, 12:02 pm
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monsvo
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Re: He's Not Good Relationship Material
If you are chatting online and he asks you to sell your house and marry him when you've never spent a minute together outside of work he's NGRM.
Treats you like a trophy NGRM.
Talks to others with disrespect but treats you good NGRM.
With anger comes humor...constant sexy jokes NGRM.
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Apr/25/2009, 12:59 pm
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shedsomelight
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Registered: 12-2008
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Re: He's Not Good Relationship Material
If he has children but has no relationship with them- NGRM
If you have heard him threatened other people.
If he has no common curtosy towards you and your feelings
If he says "lets just be friends" but you are involved, sexually.
If he shows little respect or concern for what is going on in your life.
If he shows you time and time again that his needs are MOST important and he is selfish.
If you feel there is something mysterious about him.
If he only wants sex once a month and there isnt anything wrong with his health.
If he goes from being happy, happy to a zombie in a matter of a day- something is not right.NGRM
If you find out he has spied on you- NGRM
If he acts confused all the time about the relationship- NGRM
If he disappears for hours and won't answer his phone . NGRM
If he is always needing help, demanding your time to help him but never does a thing for you- NGRM
If he pouts, sulks or acts depressed because you are doing something together he is not crazy about_ NGRM
If you notice it always has to be about him- NGRM
If he has little concern for his mother, daughter, grandshildren ect- NGRM
If at the beginning of r/s you notice he is playing the poor me, Ive been so hurt act. And frequently cries over things, -NGRM
If he tells you point blank "im not a normal guy" BELIEVE HIM- NGRM
If you hear his mother say "i hope he gets his act together- NGRM
If he blames every single X for the relationship ending -NGRM
Looking for pity constantly- NGRM
If its obvious he lacks morals , get away- NGRM
If friends seem to have a hard time getting along with him or make comments to you about his temper-NGRM
If you are seriously upset and crying and he shows no emotion- NGRM
If his job seems to be his priority over everything else in his entire life-NGRM
If you witness him break or throw things in anger- NGRM
If you find out he lost a job because of his drinking-NGRM
Most importantly if you feel you are being used, taken advantage of or you are an OPTION for him/her- , move on- they are NGRM!!
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Apr/27/2009, 5:49 am
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