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green eyes13
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Re: Female Narcissists
how true you are of the FN's!!
yes, they do treat EVERYONE the same... you sort of feel better in a way that it's not just you... but it is sad that they are sooo deceptive and you know they also really hate themselves inside and have a very low sense of self-esteem... even though you wouldn't know it with how they appear to the outside world. the story of how your FN kicked your dog, how cruel and sick!!! Mine never did that thank God, but I would never leave her in care of any animals of mine. previous experience with N's in general now get to me to rethink doing that...
they are soooo predictable, you're right... and they are kind of really boring, aren't they? i don't know why i feel so consumed to talk/see her, maybe it is because i would rather do that than be alone, but that isn't really good... i gotta work on that part of my life...
Last edited by green eyes13, Aug/7/2009, 5:49 pm
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Jul/30/2009, 5:05 am
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
Yeah i knew she was feeling really low about herself deep down inside from the beginning, the way she would constantly brag about herself i knew that she needing to boost her self worth from it but i never knew it was that bad to the extreme she took it.
Trust me i know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend didn't understand that, how i could talk about how she was so mean and hurt me badly but then have to call her, and figure out ways to hang out. In a way i was getting a little paranoid myself because i would think she was planning something evil against me, or talking about me badly when i wasn't around her because she talked badly about her other friends behind their backs,and they had been friends way longer than she and i. So i would think that if i was near and close to her that i wouldn't feel as damaged and that it would actually help me to separate from her. Isn't that funny? Wow how i could think by being close to her and around her that it would make me separate from her when all it did was add fuel to the fire, and in a way make me more needy and codependent. Even though i know she could sense that i was kind of becoming more and more useless or less supply by then. I in a way thought or felt that i needed her approval. Isn't that so sad and sick?
we had two altercations with one another, and after the first one, we started talking again. Mostly on my behalf out of guilt and frequent panic attacks. So i figured it would be better to be somewhat of a friend than foe,after the first one she immediately fled for other supply sources,and needed me less and less.
do you feel anything similar, or can relate to this?
Last edited by NEEDRECOVERY18, Jul/30/2009, 2:48 pm
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Jul/30/2009, 2:46 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
In plus i didn't have many friends, my real best friend lived a long distance away from me so we would see each other less frequently, and when we did see each other i would constantly talk about the FN, so she became tired of hearing about her. Also it does help to stay focused on the positive things that you do have in life as said before, and actually just hang around friends and family that does love you.
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Jul/30/2009, 3:16 pm
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green eyes13
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Re: Female Narcissists
i know the feeling you get when you feel a need to still have these people in your life, yet when they don't call or aren't with you, your mind does wander... don't get me wrong, i do go out with other friends and don't cancel plans when the fn wants to get together but somehow i must still feel being with her is still cool or else i wouldn't still do it!! isn't it also funny that in the beginning the fn's (at least mine did) wow you with complements, enjoy your company, act really interested and then after a while reality sets in and you're not getting those complements anymore and no longer feel or are considered special in their eyes... interesting to say the least... your thoughts?
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Jul/30/2009, 5:51 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
yes the exact same thing happened to me. In the beginning the fn wowed me with compliments, seemed like she enjoyed my company so much, and acted really interested. Then when reality set in she started to show her true colors, and by then i was sucked in so deep it was hard and exhausting to try to escape. I at the time didn't know what the N meant but i did however know that she was draining me, was using me, and could care less about my feelings or thoughts. But she would stop by my house sometimes unannounced like she just knew i was going to be home, and available. Sometimes i have to admit i got lonely and wanted her company. But when i finally was in her company i wished otherwise and would actually wonder why i felt like such crap, or always upset, sad, and afraid.
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Jul/30/2009, 6:02 pm
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green eyes13
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Re: Female Narcissists
So, how did it end for you with her? Did she dump you or find another supply source? Or did you just say enough is enough??
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Jul/30/2009, 7:13 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
The relation reared a very very ugly head. And i say this because i could have nearly committed suicide from the pain that went through my soul, spirit,and body. my and ex boyfriend broke up with me and told me he cheated and was a cold hearted being, completely uncaring and emotionless just pushed me away. I was so confused and hurt that he could be so cruel to me. We had been together for a year and were almost like bestfriends until he moved in with his roommate and changed. The N hooked me and him up so they sort of had a understanding with one another i guess.
My ex continuously contacted me until i finally cracked and said something to him that made him tick. He knew that i didn't really like the N as much as i let on so he emailed her, then they spoke over the phone. He told her about how i would talk about her when she wasn't around, and told her that i was jealous of her.
I called her because she left a text message on my phone about me being unreal or fake (the nerve). So i called her and asked her what she meant (even though i knew what she was gonna say), she said she would call me back (on the other line with my ex while he's telling her everything i said). she called or texted me back i couldn't remember but i was fed up. I told her that i didn't have anything to explain to her, and that she could explain why she was conversing on the phone with my ex (might have sounded a little jealous i know), I told her to leave me the h*** alone even though that wasn't the best way to go about it.That was the fuel that began the rage i'm sure.
The same day i get a phone call from a unfamiliar number, turns out she had one of her friends to call me on three way because she knew i wouldn't answer her calls I tell him i don't know him and to stop calling my phone. She threatened me and called me names etc... then i said something back then hung up. that's only day one.
Day two i receive another call from one of her friends (who she has said a numerous of horrible mean things about) threatening me, and saying a number of things about what me and my ex did in private, and also about me. (surprisingly i knew the N thought some of those things all along) then i said something back once again. I was so hurt that my ex would tell them the things we did because i thought i knew him better than that, and on top of it she lied to him by telling him i cheated on him to get more info out of him. my other close friend told me to stop answering these unknown calls but i couldn't some of my pride wouldn't allow me to give up and say you win.
Day three they call me again and say more terrible things i revert back. And so on and so forth. i tell my close friend how they were threatening me again so she asks to call her. at first i was skeptical but i agreed because i figured maybe it would get them to leave me alone.
she calls and tells her to leave me alone, and then the N came up with something sorta private i told her about my best-friend and tells my best-friend, then makes it seem like she's just so innocent to my friend.(i know i haven't always been the most perfect friend,and i can admit to that).
So now my bestfriend is confused and i'm sure hurt by the fact that i would tell the N those things, but she still remains my friend and take my side for that moment.
Next the N calls me all of the rest of the night until i call her back and leave a voicemail message. Then she has the nerve to call my best-friend and tell her that i am harassing her and that i should leave her alone. Then she calls my phone again and my sister picks up. The N thinks it's me and tells my sister that when she see's me she's gonna kick my a** etc.. my sister says no your not. etc... the N gets afraid and backs off a little.
and keep in mind these days are spaced out so right when i think it's over it never is.
Me being an idiot contacts one of the Ns friends someone we both hung out with who i assumed to be smart and look at the big picture. i tell her that she should watch out and be careful because the end might hurt her and how i was sure of her mistreatment. she tells the N. The N reacts with anger and calls my best-friend again and tells her that i am interfering and bothering her again. i changed my number by then so the N wanted to know my new number and thought that she would get it out of my bf, my bf wouldn't give it to her. so she reacts by messaging my father and telling him that i am harassing her, even though i didnt contact her i contacted her friend to be aware. it's even more strange how she searched my father. my father for that moment stood up for me.
that was the last i heard form her trying to ruin my life except another time she called my bf once again asking something about me and my ex.my bf just told her that we no longer contact one another. Their was much more drama following by my ex there after but that's another story. i apologize for the long story but i just wanted to make through and good example of the ending of my life with the N.
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Jul/30/2009, 9:42 pm
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green eyes13
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Re: Female Narcissists
sorry that you had to go through all of that, and to add insult to injury, with the boyfriend as well. but, the good news for you is that you found a way out of a very hateful and degrading relationship. here's where you pat yourself on your back a few times...
and really, build your self-esteem to where you should be proud of getting rid of this chick who clearly had no boundaries and was an all-around hateful person. my FN is esasperating most of the time, but has a heart where she admits she is wrong and tries to understand, but eventually does shoot herself in the foot time and time again. i am drawn to these fn's and i know it is not good for me. i have to spend more time with friends that are not that way and i can compare and contrast and feel good about the friends who keep me healthy. the fn makes me feel alive still and is keeping me young and i sooo enjoy those qualities from her. i do still need to prepare myself for her eventual departure and that worries me as much as i didn't want an emotional investment with this friendship, it has become one and that in and of itself really worries me... i feel i am not alive if i don't hear from her and that is really not good. i am rational about it, but irrational about the whole need to have her in my life. i am sure you understand what i am saying, right?
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Jul/31/2009, 7:43 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
YES I PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THEY HAVE THIS UNDYING ZEST FOR LIFE MOST OF THE TIME. TO BAD IT'S BASED ON PURE NS AND NOT JUST LOVING LIFE FOR ITSELF. THEIR COMPANY CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE AS WELL. I REMEMBER HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE AT TIMES WITH THE N, LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS IN FOR MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR. WHEN WE WOULD HANG OUT I WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND THEY WOULD ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. THE ONLY TIME THAT I WOULD BE UNHAPPY WITH THAT PERSON (THIS IS SORT OF THE BEGINNING TO MIDDLE OF THE RELATIONSHIP) IS WHEN I WOULD DISAGREE WITH THEM, SPEAK MY OPINION, OR TREATED THEM AS THEY TREATED ME, AND THE ONLY REASON WHY I WOULD BE UNHAPPY THEN IS BECAUSE THOSE THINGS WOULD MAKE THEM UNHAPPY AND THEY WOULD EITHER FIND A WAY TO MAKE ME PAY FOR IT IN A SLICK SORT OF WAY OR AN IN MY FACE SORT OF WAY THAT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE.
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Jul/31/2009, 7:59 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Re: Female Narcissists
YES I PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THEY HAVE THIS UNDYING ZEST FOR LIFE MOST OF THE TIME. TO BAD IT'S BASED ON PURE NS AND NOT JUST LOVING LIFE FOR ITSELF. THEIR COMPANY CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE AS WELL. I REMEMBER HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE AT TIMES WITH THE N, LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS IN FOR MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR. WHEN WE WOULD HANG OUT I WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN AND THEY WOULD ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. THE ONLY TIME THAT I WOULD BE UNHAPPY WITH THAT PERSON (THIS IS SORT OF THE BEGINNING TO MIDDLE OF THE RELATIONSHIP) IS WHEN I WOULD DISAGREE WITH THEM, SPEAK MY OPINION, OR TREATED THEM AS THEY TREATED ME, AND THE ONLY REASON WHY I WOULD BE UNHAPPY THEN IS BECAUSE THOSE THINGS WOULD MAKE THEM UNHAPPY AND THEY WOULD EITHER FIND A WAY TO MAKE ME PAY FOR IT IN A SLICK SORT OF WAY OR AN IN MY FACE SORT OF WAY.
I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD BE SO UPSET OVER SOMETHING AS SMALL AS ME STANDING UP FOR MYSELF, OR EVEN DISAGREEING WITH A STATEMENT THEY MADE.
I GUESS THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE N MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY,SAD OR UNHAPPY WHEN THEY WEREN'T HAPPY WITH ME, EVEN IF IT COST ME MY OWN PERSONALITY, HAPPINESS, AND FREEDOM.
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Jul/31/2009, 8:09 pm
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