loveurself
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My Story
Hi this is great and a big help for me. I am still confused and would like to tell my story and get some input!
I was raised as the typical "good girl" go along and accept things. I was always overweight and had a "beautiful" sister and felt like the ugly duckling although my kids say mom you were so pretty!! Hard for me to accept and believe. Anyway lots of rejection from men as a teenager typical stuff. I met a man from a different country in my early twenties. He was attentive and kind! He actually called when he said he would. He was also handsome wow and wanted me?? We got secretly married and became a "team" he and I against the world. He then started practicing his religion and convinced me I needed to convert. so being the good girl and in this secret marriage I agreed. I decided I would be the best wife possible!! He was still kind and a little bit controlling but not bad. I swore off all traditional holidays thus alienating my parents and other friends. We had two small kids like 1 and 2 and all of the sudden he came home and overnight just started screaming about having 2 dish soaps opened. I remember standing up to him and then being so scared by his fury!! I was in shock. No apology but being blamed and told I was too sensitive. I soon realized he was so mad because as he said I had taken him away from his family overseas and so he would only be happy and his family as well if we moved overseas. It made sense he had been nice for all of those years (the first 5) so it must be something else and this sounded right. so we made the move to the Middle East. well things to make it short have just gotten worst. As my son told me I have given all of my control away. I have had many children maybe 1 every 2 years. I have tried everything possible to make him happy. He just never seems happy. He makes rules for me and my children but they never seem to apply to him. When I try to talk to him I get so lost in what he is saying and no quesiton is ever answered. He used to be somewhat repsectful but now he swears and throws things and has screamed at me not just at home but also in public. When I look sad by this he gets mad and tells me he is unable to say anything without me getting mad. My children have bought me gifts and written poetry talking about how much they love me and he has mocked me and said her hahahha and then told the kids DONT ever buy her anything again!! So now any gifts are hidden from him.He then for no reason will be happy and act like I am the best thing on this earth. Then any little thing will throw him into a rage. when he is mad at me he is nicer to my kids and then when he is happy with me more critical of them. He treats the kids fairly well but tells me how disrespectful they are. He tells the outside world how wonderful I am and how perfect we all are!! but to me he tells me my kids would be better off in foster care. It is so confusing.When I repeat his words he usually denies he said anything. Any slight critisism I make is twisted into "you are saying I am a piece of garbage and you think I am stupid" a huge rage where he can say anything he wants to me. He is nice to the kids but has built no relationship with them. they have no interest in him which he says I turned them against him?? I get so confused. I have raised many children and the typical scenario is me nursing a baby another child sitting on my lap and another on the chair next to me while one is calling me for help and if they ask him he says ask your mother!! One time when I had uncontrolable bleeding after a birth and dripped blood on the floor he told me WHY didnt you clean that up what is wrong with you. I cut off part of my thumb while cooking and he never noticed the huge big wrap when I told him pointed it out he said well why did you do that? In other words no empathy at all. It is always blamed on me and so I am so confused maybe it is me?? As I have gotten older I have started doing things I wouldnt have done before and this seems to have triggered his anger. He has told me I must change back to who I was. for example he used to listen to me on the phone and tell me what I should have said and monitor what I wore and ate, drank etc. Now I am not listening to that and that is a huge problem!! My kids and I are very close and so they are my support. to the outside world he is a great guy. He wont let me buy anything but buys gifts for other people and helps other people. Anyway the behavior is getting worst that is all I know.
I have lots of kids and am want to be able to support them so fear I have to stay although I dont want to. How can I cope with this behavior? Any comments?
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Feb/24/2009, 1:51 am
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HopeYet
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Registered: 11-2008
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Re: My Story
loveurself - I don't know why you have received no answers. Try posting on the Narcissist General Discussion forum for support.
Your story sounds horrific.
X
HY
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Apr/24/2009, 1:58 pm
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NEEDRECOVERY18
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Registered: 07-2009
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Re: My Story
http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery.f15.t59
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Aug/7/2009, 2:16 am
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