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lilgothangel
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posticon LIES AND SOME MORE LIES!! (warning explicit)

 I had my own apt with my 3 older kids mase money and on saturdays went out because xh has kids. Life wasnt perfect but it was nice. Fresh from being separated from my husband I met N at UPS were we both worked. I was a medical field which he said he liked because that meant I made my own money. We never really had a good beginning, He left me 2 wks after dating me I really dont know why. I did tell him I could not have children but I would make him happy he always seemed depressed all the time his reply was " It's Not what you can do for me but what you Cant"

He wanted a family I was always high risk when I carry I didnt want to do that unless I was in a good relationship. He left me for 2 weeks came back said he missed me I took him back. We had a great 3 weeks before he realized I wasnt what he wanted he left I was pregnant I didnt know it. I hid it from him until a coworker let him know I had put on some weight. That time I choose to kept him at arms length I told him I didnt need help he tried to ask me out he followed me until I said yes. He took me out said that he wanted a family unlike the one he had growing up his dad was very abusive. He told me that having this baby was the nicest thing anyone has ever do FOR HIM. That I should be taken care of. I was very happy. That same week he turned around and got mad at me for Us having sex and ME staining the comforter the rant sounded like this before I tuned out I told him "I'm sorry" " Dont be mad please" he said "IF I WERE MAD BELIEVE ME YOU WOULD KNOW" I was huddled in a corner when he did this so I was really unable to leave his tiny apt which he shares with his mom. For 1 week I indured him yelling knuckle punchs and biting. I lost the baby. The doctor wanted to know if before the miscarriage I was eating or doing anything stressful, lied said I just was being me.

Three or four days after he kicked me in my back he says pushed gently but it was a kick. He got on top and took me from behind (ALL THIS TIME I'M THINKING IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES ME DAM!) He promised that he wouldnt leave me but 2 weeks to the day of my miscarriage he took me out we had sex because I only have or get HIS KIND OF SEX called me a whore and said "I think its best YOU dont come over anymore" this after I paid for the food.

One month later he came crying to me telling me "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" "I JUST CANT GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT"

 Every time I left my punishment was worse. When I tried to leave with Ethan our oldest he locked me in a closet and said it was a joke. EVERYTHING TO HIM EVERY TIME HE HURTS ME ITS ALWAYS HIM JOKING.

One thing I remember being 7 mos along he locked me out in the middle of winter he let me in after 15 minutes of begging, told me now I'm wrinkled from head to toe. I kept my head down he said that now my wrinkled fingers match that wrinkled p**** you have. Since then I have NEVER undressed in front of anyone else.

When I tried to get help for me and my son (I lost him he was full term) I got his mom in it thinking she would help thats when I WAS VERBALLY ATTACKED BY HIS MOM HIS BROTHER AND FRIEND in the middle of Hoss's resturant all of them telling me how I should spend more time with him How I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do....
I really dont have the stomach to write anything else I'm sorry
I'm leaving alot out because some stuff I cant remember...I might add to this when I do. I havent gotten far in my therapy and for now I cant say this face to face without wanting to throw up this is the first time I've told anyone.
Sorry its long. emoticon

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“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”
Jul/14/2009, 3:28 pm  
 
OVERIT09
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Re: LIES AND SOME MORE LIES!! (warning explicit)

I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

 emoticon emoticon

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"People who know and feel what happened to them in their childhood will never
want to harm others."
Alice Miller
Jul/30/2009, 7:58 am  
 
lilgothangel
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Re: LIES AND SOME MORE LIES!! (warning explicit)

Thank you OVERIT it was hard to write all I cant remember it all...BUT IT FELT BETTER THAN HIDING IT!


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“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”
Aug/10/2009, 3:15 pm  
 


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