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femfree
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Questions for Dr. Vaknin

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Member's Comment:
"Dear Dr. Vaknin: Your responses and appropriate links have helped me enormously to wrap up in my own mind the confusing and devastating experiences I have endured. This has been a most healing and validating experience for me. I find it amazing that you yourself are afflicted with NPD and yet devote your time and attention to raising awareness of this in such a candid and insightful way. Your descriptive writing style has really anchored the strategies you suggest to my mind. I just want to say a very big thank-you."

_____________________

HI EVERYONE:
WELCOME TO "DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR DR. SAM VAKNIN"
 
I think most of us have wondered about aspects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder we couldn't find answers too, or we may wish additional help and clarification.
 

DR. SAM VAKNIN,
AUTHOR OF MALIGNANT SELF LOVE, NARCISSISM REVISITED,
http://samvak.tripod.com/thebook.html

HAS GENEROUSLY AGREED TO ASSIST US BY PROVIDING ANSWERS AND RECOMMEND LINKS TO ARTICLES TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
 

Thank you all for your participation in this fabulous learning opportunity.
 

Please note this message thread is intended only for questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses. Other comments will be removed.

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Last edited by femfree, Feb/26/2009, 2:28 pm


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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
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Oct/30/2008, 11:48 am  
 
femfree
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi Sam. Here is a question from M.

My soon to be ex-husband recently accused me of breaking his window out of his car. The car is covered by my insurance and for glassbreakage. The problem is that he accused me. I know he knows I didn't do it but he said that and it was very creepy. I had my daughter with me (she is 8) and we were going to a taekwondo class. I was just wondering if these types of false but very serious accusations were common. If they are common that is even more frightening because I am a social worker. What should I do?
 
M

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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
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Nov/7/2008, 8:24 pm  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Yes, such behavior is very common these:

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5002

How Victims are Pathologized and re-abused by the System

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5068

Violent, Vindictive, Sadistic, and Psychopathic Narcissists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4938

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal68.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal56.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Take care.

Sam

Last edited by samvaknin, Nov/8/2008, 4:33 pm


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Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Nov/8/2008, 4:32 pm  
 
SteelLiu
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Dr. Vaknin,

Will my soon to be ex husband stop stalking me once teh divorce is final? Also when I confront him about OW, he denies ever cheating. But I have evidence from his facebook and he panics and gets a "deer in the headlights" look whenever I mention his cheating. I assume this is proof of cheating.
Nov/9/2008, 9:01 am  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi,

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If he stalked you before, he is likely to stalk you again. Once a stalker, always a stalker:

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Regarding your second question:

Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4920

Sam

Last edited by samvaknin, Nov/10/2008, 8:31 am


---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Nov/10/2008, 8:31 am  
 
IrateSuzanne
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi Sam,

I have a question for you. During my many hours of research on sociopaths I was told by one person that sociopaths and psychopaths are basically the same with the exception of how they became that way. I was told that sociopaths usually endure some trauma as a child which can result in them becoming a sociopath whereas psychopaths are born that way - they are basically hard wired to be bad people. Is this true?

Thanks,

Suzanne
Nov/10/2008, 11:29 am  
 
femfree
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi Sam. Here is question from Gemma (moved from different location at our forum)

Dr. Vaknin,

I really need help dealing with my exH, who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having NPD. He continues to bully me, harass me and sue me regarding child support and visitation issues and he will not stop. We have a judge who doesn't view this as abuse, appears to hate us both, so he gets away with keeping this up and winning on a variety of points (expanded visitation, decreased child support). He is remarried with a new child and he still spends enormous sums of money on suing me and tons of energy with nasty emails and constant hurdles for me to jump over, as I, as the custodial parent, have to provide him info and access to the children or he will use it against me in court. What can I possibly do to make him leave me alone? What could possibly make it less fun, less NS for him? I was forced to leave him due to his horrible treatment of me (he told me he would never leave me, that I would have to leave him). I did not leave for another man and I haven't dated, I just wanted to get away from the EXTREME verbal and emotional abuse which was turning into threats and acts of violence, in addition to my learning he was frequenting escort services. Towards the end of the marriage, when he could tell I was gaining the strength to leave him with our two very young children, he took all our money out of the bank, and said he wouldn't put it back and wouldn't give me access to money unless I got pregnant. He also told me he waited until I was stuck with kids to be his true self. His therapist told him he had an unhealthy obsession with me. Everything he does is within the law (i.e. no restraining order would help me), but how do I make it less appealling, less NS for him to harass and sue me? I need him to leave me alone and just be allowed to struggle along as a single mother in peace...

Thank you,
GC

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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
Nov/10/2008, 8:02 pm  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi, Suzanne,

No, it is not true. "Sociopath" is street talk, not a mental health category of any sort.

Read these:

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders16.html

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and AsPD (Antisocial Personality
Disorder, or Psychopathy/Sociopathy)

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders15.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq15.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq82.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq45.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq57.html

http://open-site.org/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Psychiatric_Disorders/Personality/Antisocial/

Narcissism on Crime TV

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/gerald_stano/4.html?sect=2

Crime and Terrorism

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/serialkillers.html (PopMatters.com)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/12.html (The Idler)

Corporate Narcissism

http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/6514/10621 (New York Times)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/corporatenarcissism.html (United Press
International - Part I, Part II)

http://www.nypress.com/16/7/news&columns/feature.cfm (New York Press)

Listen to "Psychopaths in Suits" on Australia's ABC Radio

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/mod/bbing_18072004_2856.ram

Or read the transcript here:

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/stories/s1158704.htm

Abusive Relationships

http://www.suite101.com/topic_page.cfm/6514/2051

http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/18046/12847

Mirror, Mirror ... (Toronto Sun)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/NPDBibliography.zip

Thank you again. Have a safe, warm, and productive week.

Sam



---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Nov/11/2008, 6:13 am  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi, Gemma,

He is a stalker (probably the erotomaniac type).

Read these:

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html


How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal68.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal56.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

You may also find these of help - please click on the links (they apply to all types of relationships with narcissistic or psychopathic abusers of both genders):

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq1.html

Take care.

Sam

---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Nov/11/2008, 6:16 am  
 
selly2097
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Location: Australia, Sydney
Posts: 285
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Questions for Dr. Vaknin


Hi there,
I was wondering if you could shed some light on one of the traits my xn had which was very much "out there"
He was very very anal...always looked neat and tidy...He did not like mess in any way shape or form around....the way he ate was odd....cutting say a steak into bits almost the same size....would hate it if there was any crumbs around the table around him...Always the same in the shower..washing himself the same way ALL the time....it was really strange to watch...
he had this outside look of total control...but was a mess...
Also he would ofetn say...Don't worry I'll make it happen...Don't worry I'll fix it etc etc..
I think he thought he had super human powers...
The tidy anal stuff...is that commen?
Thank you.
Sellly2097

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Nov/14/2008, 6:37 am  
 


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