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femfree
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi Sam. Here is a question from MB
Dear Dr. V--
I so hope you answer my question and what I just read from your book is exactly what happened to me.
I was discarded 7 weeks ago after a two year relationship. The day his millionaire mom suddenly died 20 years too soon.
Here is the biggest problem I am having--
This NP was seeing a psychologist. Folks-- at the age of 38-- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN-- were paying for it.
When I had doubts about his honesty or authenticity-- he would bring me with him to see his doctor. The doc was so conned-- that he would tell me that my anxiety and worries were all my stuff-- from my past, etc.
8 months later-- I was sooo right on that it is scary. Here is the killer for me--
I trusted this doctor. I had used him myself 11 years ago.
The NP-- as a way to justify his "discarding" me-- created a major smear campaign about me. Total lies-- and even used my own behaviour/phone messages-- out of contect and against me.
I am literally obsessed with writing (I Have moved 800 miles away-- left my job- everything)-- this Psychologist and telling him my side of the story. Of course it would be a novel.
He already thinks stuff is my fault b/c the NP lied so convincingly and extravagently.
Do I write his 58 year old therapist--(who I believe should have picked up on stuff in 8 months time) and tell him the truth????
Also-- when the NP was abusive towards me-- why did I not tell his therapist???
He was using a psychologist to manipulate me and keep me in the relationship when I had my doubts!!!!
Please let me know about the letter.
Friends are saying to let go-- the doc will just think I am crazier--
but if you knew the evil lies.
\
I have been so exploited and huumiliated it is unbearable. Stevn King no Edgar Allen Poe could have written Prose this terrifying.
i JUST WANT THAT DOCTOR TO KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MAN LIED ABOUT ME!!! And used me.
And manipulated me and the doctor. And is lying to the doc every time he sees him!!!
I hope to hear from you and I will be very grateful if I do.
I do not feel I will survive this evil.
I was a music therapist in an Assisted Living facility with dementia residents when he met me-- what a perfect target I was.
thank you--
MB
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Nov/14/2008, 9:30 am
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samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi, Selly,
Many narcissists are obsessive-compulsive:
http://samvak.tripod.com/compulsiveobsessive.html
http://samvak.tripod.master.com/texis/master/search/?q=obsessive
They also have magical thinking and believe that they are omnipotent and omniscient:
The Narcissist as Know-it-all
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4945
The Narcissist as VAMPIRE or MACHINE
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4944
Grandiosity, Fantasies, and Narcissism
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4923
Last edited by samvaknin, Nov/14/2008, 2:49 pm
---
Copy-paste these links:
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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Nov/14/2008, 2:49 pm
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samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi, MB,
If you write to this therapist, you will only reinforce his perception that something's wrong with you. It's a lost cause. Give it up.
Read these:
The Three Forms of Closure
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html
The Narcissist as Liar and Con-man
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4951
Narcissists and Psychopaths Devalue Their Psychotherapists
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4939
Selecting the right professional is crucial. In the hands of an incompetent service provider, you may end up feeling abused all over again.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html
Abusers co-opt mental health and social welfare workers and compromise them – even when the diagnosis is unequivocal – by flattering them, by emphasizing common traits or a common background, by forming a joint front against the victim of abuse ("shared psychosis"), or by emotionally bribing them. Abusers are master manipulators and exploit the vulnerabilities, traumas, prejudices, and fears of the practitioners to "convert" them to the offender's cause.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html
In the process of mediation, marital therapy, or evaluation, counselors frequently propose various techniques to ameliorate the abuse or bring it under control. Woe betides the party that dares object or turn these "recommendations" down. Thus, an abuse victim who declines to have any further contact with her batterer – is bound to be chastised by her therapist for obstinately refusing to constructively communicate with her violent spouse.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html
Therapists, marriage counselors, mediators, court-appointed guardians, police officers, and judges are human. Some of them are social reactionaries, others are narcissists, and a few are themselves spouse abusers. Many things work against the victim facing the justice system and the psychological profession.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse2.html
Male therapists may assume the mantle of the "chivalrous rescuer", the "knight in the shining armour" – thus, inadvertently upholding the victim's view of herself as immature, helpless, in need of protection, vulnerable, weak, and ignorant. The male therapist may be driven to prove to the victim that not all men are "beasts", that there are "good" specimen (like himself). If his (conscious or unconscious) overtures are rejected, the therapist may identify with the abuser and re-victimise or pathologise his patient.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily24.html
The abuser mistreats only his closest – spouse, children, or (much more rarely) colleagues, friends, and neighbours. To the rest of the world, he appears to be a composed, rational, and functioning person. Abusers are very adept at casting a veil of secrecy – often with the active aid of their victims – over their dysfunction and misbehavior.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse9.html
Sam
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Copy-paste these links:
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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Nov/14/2008, 2:54 pm
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ruralnurs
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi, I recently found this site. I believe I work with a NPD and am trying to find ways for me and the other nurses I work with to deal with this person. I was a psych nurse for 5 years, in-patient in a state hospital so I saw many NPDs.
This person is different in that it is a She and she is a doctor. She is fairly new to our hospital. She fits most criteria, has a grandiose sense of self-importance; believes that she is "special" and unique; requires excessive admiration; has a sense of entitlement; shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. By the way she has 2 doctorate degrees, one in research biology and one as a family practice physician.
She is constantly telling everyone about how wonderful she is and how many people she has saved when others were unable to do it. She is one of 2 female providers and she is constantly putting down the other doc and makes jokes about her behind her back. She tries to split the nurses, meaning talking bad about the ones that are not there and then doing it again when others are around. Whenever a situation goes bad like in the ER or in OB with a patient, she blames the nurses and even charts things that could get the hospital sued so it will make her out in a good light and the nurse or RT or whoever was there, as the wrongdoer.
She even breaks confidentiality when she has some great gossipy thing to tell someone, but if called on it would lie through her teeth. Is always careful not to do it in front of more than one person so she can deny it.
She likes to make others look bad and then be the victim, for example, she will write orders and time them for say 08:00 but it is really 08:40 and them make a big deal and get mad that things are not done when she wants them. She writes people up all the time and rants, "I don't know why I even write orders!"
And she makes up blatant lies. She said she discovered that when alligators make their nests they keep them warmer or colder to determine sex...she said she discovered that! Once when I was working with her and seeing a very depressed pt, I noticed that the pt was on atenolol and mentioned that that drug may make her feel very tired. She took her off the med and a few weeks later the pt said it really helped. I have since heard the doc tell that story and say it was her idea.
Then she is so friendly and pretends that we are all great friends and every one loves her.
Anyway, my question is how can we as nurses protect ourselves? I can see the splitting (my peers are not psych nurses) and how much gratification she gets when she shows that no one can live up to her standards but the nurses just keep feeding her by their reactions. We need help or a small hospital with not enough nurses is going to loose many more.
Last edited by ruralnurs, Nov/17/2008, 11:06 pm
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Nov/17/2008, 11:02 pm
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femfree
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi Sam. Here is a question from M
can a person with a personality disorder (any of the cluster b groups) have empathy? and if so, can they have varying degrees of it? i ask because someone i know really appears to have feelings for some people i.e if they are sick etc but they were cruel to animals when they were young and he was a bully to his younger sister thanks
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Nov/19/2008, 2:55 pm
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femfree
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi Sam. Here is a question from K.
Dear Dr. Vaknin,> > I had a past business & then romantic on line relationship with a narcissist. He currently is ignoring me. And I have refused his sexual advances for well over a year. He is married with kids and has another primary on line relationship, with many more woman on the sit. I need him to transfer the ownership of some property from an online game. I have bought him out and it has been well over a year for this little task to be taken care of. Today I sent him an email requesting we get this done. I don't want this situation to be prolonged any> further. The request was simply stated and direct. " What is the best strategy> to employ to get him to take care of this matter>
I thank you so very much,
Kind Regards, K
Last edited by femfree, Nov/21/2008, 10:14 pm
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Nov/19/2008, 10:56 pm
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samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hi, M.,
Only narcissists and psychopaths lack empathy. Borderlines and histrionic possess empathy.
Click on this link to learn more:
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders68.html
Find additional articles about personality disorders here - click on the links:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faqpd.html
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq82.html
http://open-site.org/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Psychiatric_Disorders/Personality/
Take care there!
Sam
---
Copy-paste these links:
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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Dec/8/2008, 8:58 am
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older2467
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin
Hello, Dr. Vaknin,
I found a quote of yours in the Snapshot section and want to know if you can send me the full text of the orig msg and/or any links that are relevant to it?
The quote is as follows: "You should treat your mother the way you would treat any other abusive and malignant narcissist in your life."
Comment: Your quote helped me so much!
It removed the power and meaning from the word 'mother'. Also seeing it without a capital "M" put it in wonderful perspective for me.
2nd question: Can you provide historical information as to when NPD was added to the DSM III (I'm estimating it was III) and when did it start being recognized informally as a personality disorder prior to being added to the DSM?
Thank you so much.
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Dec/14/2008, 11:16 am
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