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Missn2
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hello Sam...Sometimes people don't mean to be narcisstic, it comes from confusion about thinking that another person makes you whole and that is why the narcissit, if that is the right word, has trouble leaving the other person alone. They are very confused about it in their own minds. It is learning that another does not make you whole. For some, they were raised in that environment and copied what they saw...but there is lots of talk about the condition, what I would like to know are the ways to recovery, since that is the goal is to heal from the condition, which I think is possible if a person really wants to. I think the answer is in part relearning coping skills as well as learning more about the spiritual path, that you don't own or control another. About respect for others as well as yourself because some don't do that since they don't feel whole without another. There is indeed a grieving process or new understanding that the wholeness comes from within and that we may not be to blame for the condition, but those who have it can get well if they want to and are willing to work at it. What do you see as the work involved ... I see it as largely spiritual in that it is about learning how to get along with others and function like an empathetic and caring human being.
Feb/18/2009, 3:33 pm  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

You are confusing narcissism with co-dependence. Narcissists in some respects are the exact opposite of codependents:

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000

I. Codependence

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

II. Narcissism

For a more detailed view of pathological narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - click on these links:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdglance.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html

Other Personality Disorders

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faqpd.html

Pathological Narcissism diagnosed with Other Mental Health Disorders

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq82.html

III. Healing and Curing Narcissism

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq63.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq77.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq70.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/10.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/case03.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq31.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html


---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Feb/24/2009, 10:26 am  
 
Keepontruckin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

If a Narcissist is in therapy on a weekly basis for the rest of their life, could they ultimately be "cured".

---
Life's a beach.
Formerly NarcissistJunkee2
Mar/6/2009, 12:27 pm  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

You may find these of help or interest:

Healing and Curing Narcissism

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq63.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq77.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq70.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/10.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/case03.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq31.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html

Take care there!

Sam

---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Mar/7/2009, 12:37 pm  
 
Echo4
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Sam,
The N I was involved with was very severe but high functioning, sucessful and educated.
I am starting to think he was a P as well.
He never hit me. How can I tell if he is a P as well?
Echo

---
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss
Mar/11/2009, 6:41 pm  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

We all heard the terms "psychopath" or "sociopath". These are the old or colloquial names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Some scholars have suggested the existence of a hybrid "psychopathic narcissist", or "narcissistic psychopath". Indeed, the DSM V Committee is considering to merge these personality disorders.

Still, there are some important nuances setting the two disorders apart:

As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their rage to control people and manipulate them into submission.

Psychopaths, like narcissists, lack empathy but many of them are also sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them. They even find it funny!

Psychopaths are far less able to form interpersonal relationships, even the twisted and tragic relationships that are the staple of the narcissist.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders15.html

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and AsPD (Antisocial Personality
Disorder, or Psychopathy/Sociopathy)

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders15.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq82.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq45.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq57.html

http://open-site.org/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Psychiatric_Disorders/Personality/Antisocial/

Narcissism on Crime TV

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/gerald_stano/4.html?sect=2

Crime and Terrorism

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/serialkillers.html (PopMatters.com)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/12.html (The Idler)

Corporate Narcissism

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/corporatenarcissism.html (United Press
International - Part I, Part II)

http://www.nypress.com/16/7/news&columns/feature.cfm (New York Press)

Listen to "Psychopaths in Suits" on Australia's ABC Radio

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/mod/bbing_18072004_2856.ram

Or read the transcript here:

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/stories/s1158704.htm

Mirror, Mirror ... (Toronto Sun)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/NPDBibliography.zip

Sam


---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Mar/13/2009, 10:17 am  
 
sekrg
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

I'd like your opinion regarding my partner. He is 48 years old and I have known him for over three years. He wants me to be with him 24/7, I have to sit beside him at the computer while he 'teaches' me things he has seen online. He blames everyone else for any problems or bad fortune he may have. He can't hold down a job, he always quits because his co-workers do not respect him or they try to make him do 'too much'. He has moved house because the neighbours were the problem. He becomes irrationally upset if anyone gets in his way. For example, if he has to give way to cars at an intersection he becomes angry saying that they have no right being there when he wants to drive through or make a turn. He has never married or had children and hates it when I have to give any attention to my daughter or other members of my family. He has had several 'friendships' with married women and while these friendships were not sexual they certainly fitted the description of emotional relationships. He would tell these women how to manage their finances, how to do everything from washing their clothes to which foods to eat. These women were all vulnerable, in unhappy marriages or marriages just lacking excitement and lapped up his 'attention' and in turn they gave him adulation which he thrived on. They would tell him they loved him, he was the only person who ever understood them etc. He did not want them around every day, he was happy to keep them at a distance and contact them by email and phone. He never told these women about me and our relationship because it would change the dynamics of the 'friendships'. He needs to be in control 100% and needs to show everyone how to do the most basic tasks such as putting a key into a lock or how to punch in the numbers on a telephone. He claims he is a 'teacher'. He is not or never has been a teacher in any form. He gets very angry when things do not go his way and blames me (or anyone else who is around) or any situation - even the cat meowing can be blamed for something not going the way he wanted it to. He also needs constant admiration and praise but never gives any. When he mows the lawn I have to admire it for days and tell him what a great job he did. He demands I go out and look at the grass, tell him how wonderful the grass looks because he mowed it etc. I can't do anything for myself, it has to be activities he thought of and we do together. I can't go for a walk on my own - the last time I said I was going for a walk he told me to stay with him and watch him while he ironed his shirt. I can't read books anymore, but he reads his books out loud to me. I can't complete my university studies - he does not want me to finish my degree and told me he would leave me if I continued.He has few friends left because if he imagines they are 'exposing' him in some way or they have said the wrong thing he discontinues contact. I can't have friends and we can't have anyone come to the house as it makes him feel 'vulnerable'. I would value your opinion of this person.
Mar/24/2009, 11:42 pm  
 
monsvo
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

HI Dr. I think a friend is npd. I didn't see it in her for 3 years but now it is very clear? She told me she was sexually abused by her older sister when she was young. She has a torrid past and gets her self esteem through men. It almost seems like she was trying to live vicariously through me. I haven't figured out if she was jealous of me spending time with a new guy that she introduced me up to or jealous and wanting to be with him...or both.

Any info on child abuse and what it does to people? She's very imature and plays games like a 13 year old, the same age as when she met her first husband. She is also taking a mild steroid seems she is more narcissistic when she's taking them. What kind of effect do steriods for pain have on someone with npd?

I also want to thank you. It was your site years ago when I first became aware of NPD. Took me a few years to get away from the n I was with but I did get away. It was always in the back of my mind the things I read and I was finally able to realize what he was.
  

Thank you.

Last edited by monsvo, Mar/25/2009, 6:07 pm
Mar/24/2009, 11:53 pm  
 
UltraDeb
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi Sam,

My N and his mother have what I would describe as an abnormally symbiotic relationship. The father has been absent since early childhood, and the mother raised her N son with what are clearly overly-indulgent parenting techniques: no boundaries whatsoever, total permissiveness, all giving. Today, N is 26 years old and the mother is 66, yet they call each other 10-15 times a day and he goes over to her house for dinner several nights a week. Could this bizarre mother/son relationship be what fostered N's current disordered personality?

Thanks,
Deb
Mar/25/2009, 7:54 am  
 
samvaknin
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Re: Questions for Dr. Vaknin

Hi, Sekrg,

My opinion is that this person is an abusive jerk.

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

These may be of help - click on the links:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/1.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdglance.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq82.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faqpd.html

Click on these links for detailed topic guides - everything you ever wanted
to know about narcissists and psychopaths:

============================================
Toxic Relationships with Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths
============================================
How to Recognize a Narcissist Before It is Too Late?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4976

Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5013

Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4920

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Parents and Their Children

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4727

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5002

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4959

I miss him so much - I want him back!

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4934

Guilt? What guilt?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4931

How Victims are Pathologized and re-abused by the System

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5068

============================
The Narcissist and Psychopath in Society
============================
The Narcissist and Psychopath as Criminals

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5003

The Narcissist is Above the Law

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4983

The Narcissist as Liar and Con-man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4951

============================================
Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality disorder and Psychopathy
============================================
Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity
Disorder)?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4950

Narcissists as Drama Queens

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4948

The Narcissist as Know-it-all

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4945

The Narcissist as VAMPIRE or MACHINE

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4944

Narcissists and Psychopaths Devalue Their Psychotherapists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4939

Violent, Vindictive, Sadistic, and Psychopathic Narcissists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4938

Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5048

Grandiosity, Fantasies, and Narcissism

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4923

Narcissists and Emotions

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5248

Narcissists and Mood Disorders

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5067



---
Copy-paste these links:

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy

http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html

Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
Apr/3/2009, 3:19 pm  
 


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