Kerira
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Registered: 07-2009
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Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde????
Hi Dr Vakvin,
It seems to me that Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde know when to swap:-
When I am walking around on egg shells, not that happy, not opening responding, just smiling and answering questions being very careful - My partner is not that bad with his
constant little put downs.
Then when I am feeling really happy and at peace and comfortable with him when I come home from work - My partner starts tring to have a verbal fight with me and no matter what even though I don't get sucked into the verbal battles, he ends up making something really bad out of something I have said, in innocence/jest during the relaxed conversation
I thought I was having with him. The next minute I am in the middle of a violent verbal conversation and just have to move away and keep my mouth shout, hoping he will came down.
After last night I just want to leave...
Last night my steak he cooked was raw in the middle - that's how he eats his, anyway, I didn't really complain - mainly just put it back onto cook more! His son comes out and tells his dad how great dinner was - next minute I am an "ungrateful ***** & I didn't use to get dinner cooked for me in my last relationship". So worst luck I responded being in a relaxed mood prior and said, yes
I did we use to share the cooking and housework. That was it he broke things and was very angry & verbal towards me and luckily then he went to bed. However, I have hardly had any sleep tonight and have to go to work soon.
So does Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde have a cycle of time like every few days they change?
or
Is it they can sense when we are relaxed and
our soul is open?
I haven't had sex with my partner for about three weeks - as it is hard to let him get close to me, even though the sex use to be good and he is good looking and deep down I would like to have the sex life that we had when he was a much nicer/fun person. Now its around three week apart, this is affected by the cycle, so I am uptight and don't want to be close physically with him and then when I relax enough that if I have a couple of days like that I will want to be close physically. THEN he puts on some act so I am on eggs shells again - I tried to explain to him that stress kills libido, that I need to be relaxed in the relationship. Then later last night he said, he doesn't want to have sex with me on my terms - I make him feel like a little begger. HELP - CAN ANYONE RELATE TO WHAT I HAVE WRITEN - ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING MISTAKES.
CHEERS
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Sep/16/2009, 1:08 pm
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samvaknin
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Registered: 11-2008
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Re: Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde????
Narcissists are afraid of intimacy and commitment.
Click on these links are read the articles:
It is an established fact that abuse – verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual – co-occurs with intimacy. Most reported offenses are between intimate partners and between parents and children. This defies common sense. Emotionally, it should be easier to batter, molest, assault, or humiliate a total stranger. It's as if intimacy CAUSES abuse, incubates and nurtures it.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html
Intimacy Retarding Paranoia
Paranoia is use by the narcissist to ward off or reverse intimacy. The narcissist is threatened by intimacy because it reduces him to ordinariness by exposing his weaknesses and shortcomings and by causing him to act "normally". The narcissist also dreads the encounter with his deep buried emotions - hurt, envy, anger, aggression - likely to be foisted on him in an intimate relationship.
The paranoid narrative legitimizes intimacy repelling behaviours such as keeping one's distance, secrecy, aloofness, reclusion, aggression, intrusion on privacy, lying, desultoriness, itinerancy, unpredictability, and idiosyncratic or eccentric reactions. Gradually, the narcissist succeeds to alienate and wear down all his friends, colleagues, well-wishers, and mates.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html
The narcissist does his damnedest to avoid intimacy. He constantly lies about every aspect of his life: his self, his history, his vocations and avocations, and his emotions. This false data guarantee his informative lead, asymmetry, or "advantage" in his relationships. It fosters disintimisation. It casts a pall of cover up, separateness, mystery over the narcissist's affairs.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismintimacy.html
The narcissist divides all women to saints and whores. He finds it difficult to have sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive rather than mutually expressive propositions.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq79.html
People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighborhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions with others in constant and predictable (safe) propinquity.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq69.html
Narcissists have no interest in emotional or even intellectual stimulation by significant others. Such feedback is perceived as a threat. Significant others in the narcissist's life have very clear roles: the accumulation and dispensation of past Primary Narcissistic Supply in order to regulate current Narcissistic Supply. Nothing less but definitely nothing more. Proximity and intimacy breed contempt. A process of devaluation is in full operation throughout the life of the relationship.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html
Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a "breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html
http://samvak.tripod.master.com/texis/master/search/?q=approach-avoidance
Question:
What is the mechanism behind the cycles of over-valuation (idealization) and devaluation in the narcissist's life?
Answer:
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/devaluationidealization.html
Thus, paradoxically, the worst his anguish and unhappiness, the more relieved and elated such an abuser feels! He is "liberated" and "unshackled" by his own self-initiated abandonment, he insists. He never really wanted this commitment, he tells any willing (or buttonholed) listener – and anyhow, the relationship was doomed from the beginning by the egregious excesses and exploits of his wife (or partner or friend or boss).
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html
Thus, on the one hand, the narcissist feels that his freedom depends upon re-enacting these early experiences. On the other hand, he is terrified by this prospect. Realizing that he is doomed to go through the same traumas over and over again, the narcissist distances himself by using his aggression to alienate, to humiliate and in general, to be emotionally absent.
This behavior brings about the very consequence that the narcissist so fears - abandonment. But, this way, at least, the narcissist is able to tell himself (and others) that HE was the one who fostered the separation, that it was fully his choice and that he was not surprised. The truth is that, governed by his internal demons, the narcissist has no real choice. The dismal future of his relationships is preordained.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html
In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq29.html
---
Copy-paste these links:
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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Sep/28/2009, 6:14 am
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