samvaknin
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Registered: 11-2008
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Re: do they come back?
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Question:
I keep dumping my narcissist - and he keeps coming back for more. I accept him (can't resist him when he is his charming self). But then things go awry and the cycle repeats itself. Why does he keep coming back?
Answer:
Narcissists are addicted to a drug known as "Narcissistic Supply". Attention (good OR bad), adulation, applause, fame, celebrity, notoriety - are all narcissistic supply. The people who supply these consistently, reliably, and predictably, are called "Narcissistic Supply Sources".
Why should the narcissist look for another source of supply if the current source of supply is available and always accepts him back?
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/3.html
The narcissist seeks out his old Sources of Narcissistic Supply when he has absolutely no other NS Sources at his disposal. Narcissists frantically try to recycle their old and wasted sources in such a situation. But the narcissist would not do even that had he not felt that he could still successfully extract a modicum of NS from the old source (even to attack the narcissist is to recognise his existence and to attend to him!!!).
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq76.html
Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000
The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy
Even with all these precautions, your abusive ex is likely to find you, furious that you have fled and evaded him, raging at your newfound existence, suspicious and resentful of your freedom and personal autonomy. Violence is more than likely. Unless deterred, paranoid former spouses tend to be harmful, even lethal.
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html
He strongly disapproves of others' personal autonomy and independence. Even innocuous activities, such as meeting a friend or visiting one's family require his permission. Gradually, he isolates his nearest and dearest until they are fully dependent on him emotionally, sexually, financially, and socially.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html
Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy)?
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse7.html
We are all dependent to some degree. We all like to be taken care of. When is this need judged to be pathological, compulsive, pervasive, and excessive? Clinicians who contributed to the study of this disorder use words such as "craving", "clinging", "stifling" (both the dependent and her partner), and "humiliating", or "submissive". But these are all subjective terms, open to disagreement and differences of opinion.
Moreover, virtually all cultures encourage dependency to varying degrees. Even in developed countries, many women, the very old, the very young, the sick, the criminal, and the mentally-handicapped are denied personal autonomy and are legally and economically dependent on others (or on the authorities). Thus, the Dependent Personality Disorder is diagnosed only when such behavior does not conform with social or cultural norms.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html
Your abuser is likely to be provoked to extremes by signs of your personal autonomy. Conceal your thoughts and plans, make no overt choices and express no preferences, never mention your emotions, needs, earnings, wages, profits, or trust money. Tell him how much you rely on him to reach the right decisions for both of you. Play dumb - but not too dumb, or it may be provoke his suspicions. It is a thin line between pleasing the abuser and rendering him a raving paranoid.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html
The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all of her narcissistic needs through the primary narcissist in her life. Independence or personal autonomy are not permitted. The IN feels amplified by the narcissist's running commentary (because nothing can be accomplished by the invert without the approval of a primary narcissist in their lives).
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html
The pedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal autonomy and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from the rest of society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/pedophilia.html
If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers – in short, third parties – to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.
Continue to read this article here (click on this link):
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse11.html
These may also be of help - click on the links:
The Narcissist's Victims
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html
Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html
Mourning the Narcissist
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html
The Three Forms of Closure
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html
Back to La-la Land
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal78.html
The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html
Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid of Him?
http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html
Traumas as Social Interactions
http://samvak.tripod.com/trauma.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html
Surviving the Narcissist
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html
The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html
Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html
The Dependent Patient - A Case Study
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html
Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html
The Cult of the Narcissist
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html
Take care.
Sam
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Copy-paste these links:
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy
http://samvak.tripod.com/siteindex.html
Buy 9 books about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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