femfree
Administrator
Global user
Registered: 10-2008
Posts: 1317
Karma: 57 (+57/-0)
|
|
|
|
Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited by Dr. Sam Vaknin
Dr. Sam Vaknin, Author Malignant Self Love,
Narcissism Revisited
http://samvak.tripod.com/thebook.html
You should be careful to separate your self from the narcissist's seed inside you, this alien growth, this spiritual cancer that is the result of living with a narcissist. You should be able to tell apart the real you and the parts assigned to you by the narcissist. To cope with him/her, the narcissist forces you to "walk on eggshells" and develop a False Self of your own. It is nothing as elaborate as his False Self – but it is there, in you, as a result of the trauma and abuse inflicted upon you by the narcissist.
Surviving the Narcissist FAQ#80 By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html
Question: Does the narcissist want to be liked?
Answer: Would you wish to be liked by your television set? To the narcissist, people are mere tools, Sources of Supply.
Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply FAQ 76
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq76.html
(Note: members find this a VERY SUCCESSFUL Tactic)
How to Leave a Narcissist. The narcissist analyses (and internalizes) everything in terms of blame and guilt, superiority and inferiority, gain (victory) and loss (defeat) and the resulting matrix of narcissistic supply. Narcissists are binary contraptions. Thus, the formula is very simple: Shift the blame to yourself ("I don't know what happened to me, I have changed, it is my fault, I am to blame for this, you are constant, reliable and consistent). Tell him you feel guilty (excruciatingly so, in great and picturesque detail). Tell him how superior he is and how inferior you feel. Make this separation your loss and his absolute, unmitigated gain. Convince him that he is likely to gain more supply from others (future women?) than he ever did or will from you. BUT Make clear that your decision - though evidently "erroneous" and "pathological" - is FINAL, irrevocable and that all contact is to be severed henceforth. And never leave ANYTHING in writing.
Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive35.html
It is difficult to let go of this idealized figure. Relationships with narcissists inevitably and invariably end with the dawn of a double realisation. The first is that one has been (ab)used by the narcissist and the second is that one was regarded by the narcissist as a disposable, dispensable and interchangeable instrument (object). The assimilation of this new gained knowledge is an excruciating process, often unsuccessfully completed. People get fixated at different stages. They fail to come to terms with their rejection as human beings – the most total form of rejection there is.
Mourning the Narcissist FAQ #68 By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html
The abuser perverts the system - therapists, marriage counselors, mediators, court-appointed guardians, police officers, and judges. He uses them to pathologize the victim and to separate her from her sources of emotional sustenance - notably, from her children. The abuser seeks custody to pain his ex and punish her.
Leveraging the Children – by Sam Vaknin
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/9128/107024
Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.
Coping with Your Abuser
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html
He seeks out his old Sources of Narcissistic Supply when he has absolutely no other NS Sources at his disposal. Narcissists frantically try to recycle their old and wasted sources in such a situation.
Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply Faq 76 Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq76.html
"If only he tried hard enough", "If he only really wanted to heal", "If only we found the right therapy", "If only his defences were down", "There MUST be something good and worthy under the hideous facade", "NO ONE can be that evil and destructive", "He must have meant it differently" "God, or a higher being, or the spirit, or the soul is the solution and the answer to our prayers". The narcissist holds such thinking in barely undisguised contempt. To him, it is a sign of weakness, the scent of prey, a gaping vulnerability. He uses and abuses this human need for order, good, and meaning - as he uses and abuses all other human needs. Gullibility, selective blindness, malignant optimism - these are the weapons of the beast. And the abused are hard at work to provide it with its arsenal.
The Malignant Optimism of the Abused
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html
The narcissist is entitled to "special treatment": high living standards, constant and immediate catering to his ever shifting needs, the avoidance of the mundane and the routine, an absolution of his sins, fast track privileges (to higher education, or in his encounters with the bureaucracy). Punishment is for ordinary people (where no great loss to humanity is involved). Narcissists feel that they are above the law.
Narcissistic Immunity by Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq45.html
"People suffering from the full blown, all-pervasive, personality distorting mental health disorder known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - are, indeed, more prone to violence than others. Actually, the differential diagnosis (=the difference) between NPD and AsPD (Antisocial PD, psychopaths) is very blurred."
QUESTION Can the Narcissist become Violent?
http://samvak.tripod.com/9.html
The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism.
Spouse Mate Partner of the Narcissist by Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html
Even the victim's relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.”
Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties – it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey's acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem.
Narcissism by Proxy, FAQ#42
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq42.html
Narcissists have a problem perceiving other people's ability to conceive of ideas, to have their own needs, emotions, and preference. Wouldn't you be startled if your television set suddenly informed you that it would rather not work on a Sunday? Or if your vacuum cleaner wanted to befriend you? To narcissists, other people are instruments, tools, sources - in short: objects.
More on this here A Case Study
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq16.html
Most personality disordered people are prone to be angry. Their anger is always sudden, raging, frightening and without an apparent provocation by an outside agent. It would seem that people suffering from personality disorders are in a CONSTANT state of anger, which is effectively suppressed most of the time.
The Iron Mask The Common Sources of Personality Disorders - By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/mask.html
The narcissist simply discards people when he becomes convinced that they can no longer provide him with Narcissistic Supply. This is an evaluation, subjective and highly emotionally charged. It does not have to be grounded in reality. Suddenly – because of boredom, disagreement, disillusion, a fight, an act, inaction, or a mood – the narcissist wildly swings from idealisation to devaluation. He then "disconnects" immediately. He needs all the energy that he can muster to obtain new Sources of Narcissistic Supply.
The Narcissist as Sadist FAQ #56
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq56.html
His attitude serves a paramount need: not to be hurt again. The narcissist anticipates his abandonment and, paradoxically, by trying to avoid it, he precipitates it. Maybe he does that on purpose: after all, if he is the cause of his own abandonment – surely he is in control of his own relationships. To be in control – this unconquerable drive – is the direct result of being deserted, neglected, avoided, or abused at an early stage in life. "Never again" – vows the narcissist – "If anyone will do the leaving, it will be me."
MALIGNANT SELF LOVE NARCISSISM RE-VISITED UNIQUENESS AND INTIMACY
http://samvak.tripod.com/msla2.html
QUESTION NUMBER 3 - Why does he keep coming back? I keep dumping my narcissist - and he keeps coming back for more. I accept him (can't resist him when he is his charming self). But then things go awry and the cycle repeats itself. Why does he keep coming back?
To summarize:Your narcissist keeps coming back and remains fixated on you because he has no free libido to employ in the pursuit of alternative sources. And because you keep accepting him back.
http://samvak.tripod.com/3.html
Last edited by femfree, Mar/9/2009, 8:40 pm
---
Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
|
