Elizabeth15
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 10
Karma: 1 (+1/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
New, Confused & Seeking Answers
Hello,
I don't really know how to begin this posting, other than to say I THINK I have spent the last twelve years of my life living with someone who suffers from this disorder (I can't even bring myself to use the term because it sounds so awful). I eventually managed to leave my ex-husband about 18 months ago, and the divorce came through last April. I don't really want to go into too much detail, but I will say that my ex's behaviour during the relationship was incredibly difficult to deal with, and his actions after I left him were just utterly bewildering.
I came across this website by accident really. I had been wondering whether Autism, or something similar was the problem, and have been doing research along these lines. Reading the information on this website, though, has left me feeling very confused and disturbed - it's been like reading a personality profile of my ex-husband. Even though it's getting on for nine months since the divorce came through, and I haven't seen or heard anything of my ex, I just cannot stop thinking about him, his family, and the appalling way they treated me. And, do you know what, I feel so guilty, like the burden of responsiblity (for everything)is entirely mine?! I just can't 'pack it all away in a box' like I've been advised to by my family and friends. I also feel guilty that I have the audacity to even think that my ex-husband might have this problem, that his behaviour wasn't all my fault! I am ashamed that I'm thinking he might have been ill and I did nothing to help him, except walk away. How does this work??? Does this all sound like the rantings of a mad woman? I desperately need to find some way of stopping all this. Any thoughts and/or advice would be very gratefully received.
Elizabeth
|
|
Feb/18/2009, 6:33 am
|
|
femfree
Administrator
Global user
Registered: 10-2008
Posts: 1317
Karma: 57 (+57/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: New, Confused & Seeking Answers
Welcome Elizabeth. Go easy on yourself please. After being mistreated for years with no reasons why, I think you've found the answers. You mention his 'family' and in my own experiences Ns families tend to join forces and will launch untold cruelties on anybody who can expose their abusive behaviour.
I'm glad you're out of it. Closure doesn't come easily. Obsessive thinking is the order of the day as we try to find answers and understanding among the confusion.
Glad you're here. No Contact, learning and time will help. I know our members will be with you every step of the way.
Welcome!
femfree
---
Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
|
|
Feb/18/2009, 7:00 am
|
|
Elizabeth15
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 10
Karma: 1 (+1/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: New, Confused & Seeking Answers
Hello Femfree!
Thank you so much for answering my message, and for your kind words. I now feel more confident about using the resources on this website, as well as hopefully getting some insight from other people. I want to be able to let this stuff go, and perhaps this is the way to do it!
Thank you again,
Elizabeth
|
|
Feb/18/2009, 9:58 am
|
|
LiveFreeNikita
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 08-2009
Posts: 777
Karma: 21 (+21/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: New, Confused & Seeking Answers
Dear Elizabeth,
Maybe it's one of those illnesses that we actually have to walk away from.  The scary thing is, a cure is nearly impossible, the ones who are going to be suffering a pain that many of us (well, me anyway) have never known before, is the Victim. all the negativity they suffer from, they likely suffered before we ever were in their lives...we aren't to blame...and maybe helping them we can't, but we aren't too blame! I feel the shame too, I feel sometimes like I'm doing wrong by "blaming" this thing on a disorder...but when I read, the evidence is uncanny. I just try to remember to myself, if this is the way he was before we met, it's not my fault. I wish you the best in this all! You deserve it.
---
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
~Maya Angelou
|
|
Aug/20/2009, 3:36 am
|
|
Add a reply
|
You are not logged in (login)
Board's time is: Nov/30/2009, 10:33 pm
|
|
|
