kindredspirit8
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New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
Just got out of a relationship with an N and I have to say I never knew such evil existed...
I am going through so many different emotions right now.
I keep having to remind myself the whole persona he projected in the beginning was all just a lie to reel me in and use me. I keep thinking I "miss" him and have feelings for him, but how can I miss someone that never really existed?
It was all just a hoax. I am very disturbed that someone could do this to another human being. It's baffling really. I am mad at myself for "seeing the red flags" and ignoring my instincts, and letting him lie to me over and over again..
This experience has opened up a whole new world to me, I am learning to set boundaries now and most importantly, LOVING myself enough to never let anyone disempower me EVER again...
Why do we feel we love and miss the people that we know treated us SO badly?
I have to tell myself that the one I think I love and miss was a fictional character, someone out of a dream, non existant. That is what I miss, the "idea" of who I "thought he was" not what he is...
he is nothing more than a broken person who doesn't have the capacity to love anyone "truly" it's so hard not to take it personally though, when you've been used and rejected on such a insurmountable level...
Glad I found this site, and looking forward to learning as much as possible and furthering my growth and healing in this process
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Aug/9/2009, 6:53 pm
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Keepontruckin
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Re: New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
welcome Kindred!
---
Life's a beach.
Formerly NarcissistJunkee2
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Aug/9/2009, 7:49 pm
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Butterfly45
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Re: New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
Hi there --
I'm new too. I left my N about 6 or 7 weeks ago. I was in a very toxic and dysfunctional on and off again relationship with him for four years.
There's so much to say but I'm exhausted after mind-numbingly reading about N's and leaving them and getting over them for most of the day today that I will leave my story for later.
Another thing -- after reading a few posts here I realize I've been N dipping every day since we've been split. I took him off my facebook friends but I still peek at his profile pic, his friends list etc. I found him (predictably) on a dating site, so I decided to post a profile there too so that I could shove it in his face. Pretty sick stuff. I find when I get swallowed up in the feelings of remorse, longing, anger, feeling like I let myself down for going back in again (this past winter) I end up feeling like I'm really crazy. Anyways, I'm going to get off the computer now (promise) and go do something. A completely wasted Sunday but it was raining and I somehow will have to rationalize it as down time that is needed before I go back to work.
Four years of insanity. I still cannot believe what it has done to my life and my family's lives.
I will be looking for tips for coping, grieving, letting go, ensuring I never go back. Right now the fantasy that runs is that with his therapist he will realize he is an N and get treated and reoover. Ha! There's the problem right there. Codependency. How about I focus on getting well myself!
Anyways, I know I sound crazy. However, I am glad I finally found this group, I've been looking at lots of online information since June but really need to be amongst others that understand what this is all about. I feel shame in sharing with my friends because they've seen me go through this again and again and although they know alot about addictive relationships, none of my friends seem to have knowledge of NPD's and recovering from relationships with them.
Thanks to all that have been walking the walk.
Susan
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Aug/9/2009, 9:18 pm
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LynnS
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Re: New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
Welcome, kindredspirit and Butterfly. We're glad you have found us.
Please join us for discussions on the General Narcissist Discussion board whenever you feel comfortable. I know the members will relate to your stories and offer the validation and support that is so important in recovering from these relationships.
Lynn
---
"The best way out is always through."--Robert Frost
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Aug/10/2009, 7:05 am
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Cawbird
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Re: New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
Butterfly45
I am going through EXACTLY the same as you, word for word, even the same amout of time since being apart from him. I have tried NO CONTACT but he alsways finds a way to suck me in...and at times, I am just as sick as he is because I contact HIM!!! I feel more sad than I have EVER felt before, don't know how to even begin to heal....feel desparate, feel ANGRY, feel used, feel like I can't live without him, still love him, HATE him....I hope this forum will help us understand that it was NOT US, it was them!
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Sep/19/2009, 6:33 am
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tiniebeany
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Re: New here...recently got out of relationship with a N
Omg it's like finding the light at the end of a long tunnel. I am not alone. I do not know how you guys have such long relationships with theses guy's. I have only lived with my roomate for 4 months and I feel like it has been a life time,we have been best friends for a long time. Well only in my mind now I am tring to find the strenght I will need to get away from this man I have been talking to people here all weekend and they have made me feel better,and scared the **** out of me too, but it feels so good to be able to tell somebody about my secrets and have them believe me,and be honest with me they have given me alot to think about.
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Sep/20/2009, 11:58 pm
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