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puffnstuff3
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I AM DONE!!!
First I want to say thank you for being here when I needed to rant and rave.
Everyone's N seems to be male. A husband or boyfriend. Mine is female. My daught-in-law. She is pure EVIL. She robbed me of my self-estemm, my self-respect, she has left me an emotional wreck. She has hmiliated me. She is malignant, a cancer that about devoured me. She has done her best to turn her family and mine aganist me.
No one believes her, but they are afraid of her. If they defend me she will refuse to let them see the GKs. She has done this in the past. I am not allowed in her house except for holidays and BDs. I can only see the kids once a month and that takes a hugh fight with her and my son. He says he is just tied of fighting. I get angry at him for giving in, but I know where he is coming from. We cry together a lot.
I was close to suicide a while back. It scares me how close. Last week I could have gladly done her bodily harm. That was my eye opener. I AM DONE !!! I am moving 200 miles away. I talked to my son today and he had tears in his eyes when I told him I was willing to give up him and the kids to get away from her. She has stripped me of everything else, but she is not going to take my sanity! I reminded him that I am her source and when I was gone she would have to find another. I told my son we are both victims but he is a vicitm by choice I am not. He knows he is in trouble and he knows what is wife is. He is just not ready to do anything about it.
Question: Can a 6 year old be an N?? My grandson was raised to believe he could do no wrong, That he was the center of the universe. When my son adopted him there were rules and he always had a problem with them, but eventually complied. Now a few years later my GS is mean, a liar. He goes to extreme to get attention. He was being expecially mean to his sister one day and i ask him why? His reply "It makes me happy" The look on his face was scary. The child is just plain mean. But he can be the sweetest chld also. I can think of several didgnosis that could fit, but his mothe and his grandmother are Ns ?????
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Jan/4/2009, 7:26 pm
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topaz123
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Hi.amd hugs for you today, its a hard decision to move away but probably for the best
You ask can a 6 year old be a N?.Absolutely!
It doesn't matter what the relationship is to these people....sooner or later they always bite the hand that feeds them.I think your DILs treatment of you is appalling..and am shocked your son stood by and did nothing.but sometimes this is the way when we live with disordered people, we don't see things in a true light. Maybe now you left your son will have time to sit back and reflect on things and hopefully he will be able to find some peace for himself also. hugs.
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Jan/5/2009, 10:09 am
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Persephone79
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
YES! A child can absolutely be a narcissist! That is, if my sister is a narcissist now. She can be the most charismatic, lovely young woman you've ever met and then the meanest, most vengeful person I've ever known. Her mean behavior began when she was about 6 and increased into puberty. Our father petted her and explained to my step-mother that she was only venting in a healthy manner. (He, by the way, has the emotional maturity of a 2 year old.) I am the oldest child of 3 and I want to help her when she has a bad day, but in order to survive, I can't do it anymore. She can be so hurtful and uncaring about my feelings that it's taken a toll on my self esteem. Our youngest sister (who she is VERY hard on) left for college 6 hours away 5 years ago JUST to get away from our narcissist of a sister.
This is a hard situation and I empathize.
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Jan/5/2009, 8:52 pm
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butterflylove
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
quote:
Can a 6 year old be an N?? My grandson was raised to believe he could do no wrong, That he was the center of the universe. When my son adopted him there were rules and he always had a problem with them, but eventually complied. Now a few years later my GS is mean, a liar. He goes to extreme to get attention. He was being expecially mean to his sister one day and i ask him why? His reply "It makes me happy" The look on his face was scary. The child is just plain mean. But he can be the sweetest chld also. I can think of several didgnosis that could fit, but his mothe and his grandmother are Ns ?????
We are shaped by our environment i.e. our Family Of Origin (FOO) and society. Your grandchild is just reacting the only way he knows, he is trying so hard to get attention and his parents are conditioning him that even doing negative things he gets attention. For humans even negative attention is attention.
It is Pavlov's Classical Conditioning...you have heared of the dog's and salivating?
http://psychology.about.com/od/classicalconditioning/a/pavlovs-dogs.htm
We as humans have charasitics of everything Nism, especially and teens show huge amounts of Nism, it is up to parents to help shape children so that Nism does not form in a negative light.
IMO, your grandchild needs to work with a professional i.e a therapist, sounds like his parents are not giving him a chance.
Hugs
---
If anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Matthew 10:14
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Jan/7/2009, 3:29 pm
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puffnstuff3
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 Re: I AM DONE!!!
Thank you all for your input. I have never felt so sorry for anyone as I did my son when I told him I was leaving. He had tears in his eyes the whole time.we talked. I assured him I loved him and would always be there for him, but not in his home. He knows what his wife did and he is ashamed that it happened. I don't think he will be with her too long. My DIL offerd to go clean my house that I am moving into. I was floored. I declined her offer. I am very excited about moving.
Thanks again!
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Jan/8/2009, 12:42 am
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puffnstuff3
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Thanks for your advise Butterflylove. I couldn't agree with you more that my grandson needs to be in therapy. I am an MSW and I worked excusivly with children for 10 years. Primarily ADHD, ODD and conduct disorder. I worked with some really sick kids and my beloved grandson is right in there with the best of them. My grandson behaviors were present when he was 2 years old. They are getting worse as he gets older. It just never occured to me that a child so young could have a PD until now. I agree 100% that he is learning this behavior. I have urged my son to get him into therapy now not later. I pray that he is young enough that he can be helped.
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Jan/8/2009, 12:59 am
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Daffodil66
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Dear Puff
I feel your pain. Lots of hugs to you. NC would be good, I had to make a similar hard decision last year. I just had to remove myself from the situation of an N in the family. It's hard to cut yourself off, but looking back now 9 months later, I feel so much stronger, my self esteem has grown, I just feel so much lighter, and you will too! I know you will, it's a hard decision, but as you say, your son makes the decision to stay by choice, you have to do what is right for you, others may not understand it, but NC will give you a breathing space to find yourself again. Puff, you might not think it but you could have given your son a great gift, I was the first in my family to say no more and others followed, perhaps your strength will support your son to make some decisions, I hope I'm right, sometimes you need someone with great strength, like you, Puff, to lead the way. I hadn't realised how much tension I was living with, I'll be thinking about you, take care, I wish you lots of luck and send you hugs.
Looking back, yes, definitely I can see where the N in my life displayed red flags as a child.
Be strong Puff!
Last edited by Daffodil66, Jan/9/2009, 5:39 pm
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Jan/9/2009, 5:29 pm
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puffnstuff3
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Dear Daffaoil66.
Your encouragement means so much to me. Since I made up my mind to go I haven't had any doubts. I honestly believe this decission is the only choice I have. As you said I feel lighter, freer. My son is moving me next weekend and I am getting anxious.
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Jan/9/2009, 11:48 pm
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Daffodil66
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Hi Puff,
I hope it all goes well for you, you will find the difference day by day when you are not being the NS. I had good days and bad, but I had to ride out the storm, at least your son seems to understand that you need to do this. That's good. In my situation, no-one in the family understood, but some who were close but not immediate family understood completely and gave me support. The family know that the N is dysfunctional but they refuse to do anything about it. They persecuted me for stepping away and breaking contact, but I stayed strong. Now I feel I can face the N if I have to, but with minimal contact because I have got my strength and self-esteem back, which N sibling had been bashing for years. The rest of the family are speaking to me again, there is much frostiness, but deep down I think they know I was right. I certainly feel better and I did what I had to do for me.
I wouldn't take up the offer of DIL doing anything at your new home, try to keep that as your sanctuary. She just wants to see what power she still holds over you, don't allow her to invade the space you are creating.
You'll be in my thoughts, I wish you lots of luck, hugs and strength.
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Jan/10/2009, 9:36 am
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puffnstuff3
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Re: I AM DONE!!!
Daffodil66,
Isn't it amazing how everyone in the family are aware of the problem. They see the distruction and yet refuse to do anything about it. I know in my situation it is fear. They are afraid of loosing something such as seeing grandkids or of the Ns rage. I have had them tell me they were sorry, but they couldn't help me. My son has refused to talk about it since I made my decision. He tears up and says "I can't talk about it" I told him I felt sorry for him as he was not able to stand up to her. It hurts to think I may never see my grand children again.
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Jan/12/2009, 11:03 pm
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