gladlyx
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Feeling relieved...didn't attend family affair
Yesterday my niece got married. I was planning on attending, just show up for wedding spend a few minutes at reception then leave...
My plans changed when Stepmother called the day before to invite me to a brunch, as she said she hadn't even thought to ask if I was planning on going...The week before I cancled my Twitter account because she had found me there and wanted to follow me. Along with my step brother.
My N raging brother lives with my stepmother and I have very firm boundaries with him. This reeks of a proxy situation to me. Now my son went and is staying at stepmothers house. Yes they can be alot of fun...I'm sure he will have a good time, how badly he gets sucked into that family situation remains to be seen. As he is my son and I am the black sheep I see the situation as going two ways...He takes my place after being sucked into lala land, or he becomes the proxy person.
I do have great things going on in my life and would to love to share those things with the FOO but just knew in my heart that I would get the same response I've always gotten which is negative. My accomplishments would be deminished. They would not be happy for me.
I was at work when SM called and my boss knows my situation...she called me Sat. am to just say she was thinking about me and did not want to see this FOO thing throw me for a loop. I have the worlds greatest boss! I felt more love care and support from that one phone call than I've ever felt from my FOO.
I do have some fear about my son on other levels too as he can be very emotionally abusive as well. I was so in the dark with him until I kicked him out 2 yrs ago and my therapist response was maybe now you'll make faster progress since he will no longer be in your home abusing you. Boy was she right!
I've been reading and resting and feeling so grateful for all the sharing done on the boards...Now if I can just quit thinking about what to expect next from FOO. Staying busy and not avaiable for abuse is the plan...
Hugs to all!
Gladly
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Apr/19/2009, 6:02 am
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Daffodil66
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Re: Feeling relieved...didn't attend family affair
Hi Gladly
Hang on in there, it's difficult now but you need to be strong for yourself. You are all that matters at the moment so look after yourself. These family occasions are the pits, I know for me they stir up emotions and bring me to situations I just don't want to be in anymore. I know the feeling when you are thinking about what plots they are going to come up with next, but please don't allow it to consume you. Take care
Daffodil
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Apr/20/2009, 10:16 am
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maria12
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Re: Feeling relieved...didn't attend family affair
You probably did the best thing staying away Gladly. Having contact with relatives like that can destroy your soul.
I went to my grandbaby's Christening last Sunday. The family is scattered around the country but most accepted their invitations. My three bully sisters. Their husbands and grown children are lovely. Two of them guarded my very elderly parents to stop people talking to them. My parents cried throughout the service. If they upset my youngest sister she has been known to punish them by abandoning them for a few days and they need her help.
I have been no contact for three years and it has been a time of enlightment. This monstrous situation is something my mother thrived on and now she has to suffer my sisters playing the same games on her and Father. It is elder abuse and it distressed a number of people at the Christening. This abuse left me with PTSD years ago and I have panic attacks at the thought of having any contact with them again.
I asked a number of people I trusted to stay close but even so one of my sisters managed to face me, pretending we were having a conversation and say such a hideous lie that has really upset me. It was a hint that she is going to cause a split between me and my children and grandchildren who all live in London. She had psycho tendencies as a teen, throwing knives and terrifying tempers so I believe it will be her hobby now she has recently retired. The other two sisters are total control freaks, have records of their abuse in SS.
Today rang Social services to ask for the vulnerable adult team. I'm reporting my parents and myself.
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May/6/2009, 4:55 pm
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DeMarie57
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Re: Feeling relieved...didn't attend family affair
Bravo Gladly!!!!
You have much to be relieved about. The soul searching that went into your decision has served you well. You looked out for yourself and that's a MAJOR step!!! The support from your boss is awesome.
Do you fear your son physically? Please take steps to insure your safety with him!
Hugs,
DeMarie
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DeMarie57
True healing
involves body, mind and Spirit.
~ © Alison Stormwolf ~
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May/8/2009, 9:03 am
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