femfree
Administrator
Global user
Registered: 10-2008
Posts: 1317
Karma: 57 (+57/-0)
|
|
|
|
In the Glass House
Advice from the Pros (therapists)…
"When we truly want to end the relationship, we must pay attention to what we think of ourselves - physically, emotionally, and intellectually, and what are our social opportunities. If we find we don't get good marks in the self-esteem department, or our social opportunities are lacking, that can make us think "a bird in the hand is better than one in the bush". That sort of thinking gets in our way and contributes to a sense of being compelled to maintain this relationship causing us such great emotional discomfort. If you find yourself unable to think about yourself or your situation in alternative ways, a period of counseling may be of use to you."
"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."
Joseph Campbell
"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them."
Andre Gide
______________
Inside the Glass House - Why Do People Remain with Abusive Partners?
Why are those partnered with NPs so unwilling to sever an obviously disasterous relationship? Why are they so treatment resistant even with professional therapists? Why are they unable or unwilling to detach and move on? We hope the following list will provide some insight, and the 'ouch' factor of self awareness in our journey of learning and healing and eventually separating ourselves from an abuser and moving on to a more fulfilling life.
These fears and behaviours are precisely what NPs target.
Most people will recognize
about 6-8 items in themselves from the following list.
You are not alone.
1. I'm afraid of being alone or fear of being alone forever.
2. I wanted to be a homemaker and not have to work. If I leave I'll have to support myself and I believed him when he said he would 'take care of me'.
3. I haven't worked for ages my self confidence is gone. I don't think I could even sharpen pencils anymore.
4. What? Stop whining and actually make a decision and do something?
5. I can't control myself with No Contact. I'm compulsively driven to contact him. I struggle with detaching.
6. I enjoy the rollercoaster chaos in his life. Everything else seems dull.
7. I fear what he will do. I'm afraid to say no because of how he might react.
8. I have mental problems myself.
9. Remaining in denial and focusing on his abuse means I don't have to look at my own problems.
10. Fear of the unknown stops me from making decisions.
11. Money, Obesity, Medical Insurance
12. Confusing marriage vows and martyrdom.
quote:
"This is not a forum for wimps is it LOL"
...Member
The dread of loneliness is greater than the dread of bondage, so we get married."
Cyril Connolly
© Author: femfree 2001
DO NOT COPY THIS PAGE
Last edited by femfree, Mar/4/2009, 8:43 am
---
Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
|
|
Oct/30/2008, 8:33 am
|
|
