pheonixrising
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Registered: 02-2009
Posts: 1880
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reactive emotional responses.
Speaking in loud, angry tones, replying with sarcasm, personal attacks, or even fuming in stifled silence...such unrestrained emotional reactivity blocks authentic sharing faster than anything else! It not only interferes with listening, it can seriously damage a relationship. Such reactivity undermines trust and is also disrespectful. Unchecked emotional reactivity inhibits clear, creative thinking. It also limits uncovering the beautiful hidden possibilities present in all situations.
Those who frequently communicate in this reactive fashion say, “That’s just the way I am. Don’t take it personally.” Some people will argue, “I don’t have control over what I say. Things just pop out of my mouth.” Such justification demonstrates little real understanding of the powerful negative impact such reactivity has on the communication process, and the relationship.
How can we manage our own emotional responses and deal with the reactivity of others?
At the root of all reactivity are old wounds from times when we’ve felt belittled, humiliated, misunderstood or disrespected. Making peace with and healing these inner wounds is the work for a skillful listener. First we learn how to act with awareness and compassion in response to emotional reactivity, and then work towards healing the emotional wounds. Sometimes this means we have to demonstrate "tough love" - being respectful, managing our own emotional responses and also firmly refusing to accept disrespectful behavior from others.
When we are more emotionally awake and respond consciously, others tend to do so as well. We need to be patient, persistent and positive in our efforts to master this important Deep Listening lesson.
Practise for the coming week: Spend some time noticing the power that others’ words have to move you to emotional reactivity. Notice things that trigger you, and that trigger others. Why does this happen? Get curious. What needs of yours and others might be going unfulfilled? Is there a more positive way to get such needs met? Contemplating the advantages and blessings of being more emotionally aware is the first step towards actually being so.
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Pheonixrising is now Phe ONYX.
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Jul/14/2009, 12:31 pm
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