Daffodil66
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I think my mom is an N too!
I've known for quite a while now that my sibling is an N for sure. The N and I have never got on really and I've probably always been the major NS for sibling. Finally after many rows and unpleasantness, I went NC and refused to discuss this with my mom. She just doesn't seem to be able to accept this and it has now got to the stage where we are speaking like strangers passing the time of day with one another. I always thought that my mom was just trying to keep the family together when she meddled and tried to get me to see the error of my ways. But now as time has moved on, I'm beginning to think that she is also displaying NPD traits. Is it possible for traits to become more apparent as someone gets older?
I have always been 'blamed' by my mom for upsetting my sibling, causing problems (because I wouldn't do things their way), etc. But I always give my mom the benefit of the doubt and put it down to her trying to maintain links between siblings for when she wouldn't be around. But because I've gone NC with sibling for about 1 1/2 years now, I've noticed that my mom continues to give me the icy treatment and I know that my sibling is getting the victim treatment. Mom takes every opportunity to mention sibling but I just ignore it. This probably really gets up her nose. But she just doesn't seem to see anything from my point of view at all. She can't see the abuse I've suffered at my sibling's hands and I'm wondering if that's because she's an N too?
Is she an N or just bullying me into breaking NC with sibling? I just can't decide. It's beginning to get really trying again as she seems to have times when little is said and then times when she has an orchestrated campaign of mentioning N sibling at every opportunity which is really sickening! At the moment it's really awful!
If anyone can shed any light I'd be grateful.
Thanks
Daffodil
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Jul/18/2009, 9:23 am
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spaceflower
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Re: I think my mom is an N too!
Daffodil,
I'm sorry you are having to suffer with difficulties with close family members.
Mom isn't accepting your need for NC with your sibling. Does she see the hurt this sibling caused you? It doesn't sound like it.
Your mom must want things to go back to the way they were, back in the NS days. It sounds like N behavior, keeping the strain between family members. It's sad people generate this in their life and those around them. Unhappiness is all they know and are familiar with.
Is there someone else in the family you can discuss this with, that sees things objectively, for what they are? Or, a counselor is a sure bet for confidentiality. I hope you can find peace.
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Jul/22/2009, 7:35 pm
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Daffodil66
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Re: I think my mom is an N too!
Thanks Spaceflower,
I really appreciate your reply. I do have people I can talk to, but I can't mention NPD to them, I think they would be too devestated. My mom only ever want my sibling to be happy, no one else matters, might be to stop the rages, but I have great difficulty with the unfairness of it all. I think I manage it all well really, but sometimes I can get really fed up with it all and I think this was one of those times. I talked to my mom today and she was fine, still a bit distant, but I guess she is punishing me for going NC with sibling. She just can't get past this I'm thinking and I might never know if she is a true N or if she has just been spending too much time with the N sibling. I can live with that, it's way easier than having to put up with sibling!
I'm good at the moment and I really find the reading on this site helps so much. Spaceflower, your care is really helpful right now.
Last edited by Daffodil66, Jul/23/2009, 4:17 pm
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Jul/23/2009, 4:02 pm
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spaceflower
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Re: I think my mom is an N too!
quote:
Daffodil66 wrote:
I do have people I can talk to, but I can't mention NPD to them, I think they would be too devestated.
It's the same for me. There are some people you know won't accept the NPD diagnosis of a problem person. In my case, I think they'd roll their eyes at the explanation and not believe it.
quote:
I might never know if she is a true N or if she has just been spending too much time with the N sibling. I can live with that, it's way easier than having to put up with sibling!
Amen to putting yourself in a much better place in this world! It's so natural to just get fed up with them. I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
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Jul/24/2009, 12:32 pm
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