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midnight dasher
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Christmas with N daughter?
took this out for anonymity- pm me if you like.
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 8:32 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/11/2008, 8:51 am
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Hi.and hugs for you.
I can't believe you are willing to even speak to this daughter after the way she treats you. How dare she....
If she wants treats, tell her to get a job.or starve.....she is walking all over you.
And you drive to college to pick her up but can't get out of the car cos she doesn't like it and screams at you?leave her where she is.
I have a N/P daughter too. She left, so she can stay gone,
You sound like you are blaming yourself for your daughters condition.its not your fault, she chooses to be abusive....she would have to be on her own cos there is no way I would put up with that sort of behaviour. You can't sit and wait for them to see the light cos they just get worse. All it seems here is you are offerring her up another vein for her to have a good chew on. You are worth far more than this.....let her get on with her own life, stop being a martyr to her appalling behaviour.
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Dec/11/2008, 9:04 am
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femfree
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Hi mdasher.
she'll probably cash in the airline tickets and then blame you for her financial situation.
Has it occurred to you that perhaps she might flip out and hurt your daughter when you sent her to pick up the abusive one?
I am glad that you hung up on her. Good for you.
She will only rage and go beszerk if she feels she can get something by intimidating you.
You write...
Usualy these trips go rather smoothly while I am pulling my visa card out of my wallet.
So, some parents will keep dolling out the money to avoid any kind of confrontation. Even to the point of personal bankruptcy. So sad.
This should also show you that you are little more than her shopping ticket.
I hope you find our information here helpful.
Be strong!
femfree
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Dec/11/2008, 2:48 pm
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femfree
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Here is an article I came across
Defusing Your Child’s Opposition With Paradox
by Steve Becker, LCSW
http://www.powercommunicating.com/articles/Defusing%20Your%20Child's%20Opposition%20With%20Paradox.pdf
List of articles
http://www.powercommunicating.com/articlesinfo.html
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Dec/11/2008, 2:51 pm
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aussieshay
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
I think you have done all that could reasonably be expected of you in this situation. If you phone again you provide another opportunity for her to abuse and be-little you, and suck you back into her games.
If you feel you need to extend the invitation again, why dont you email clearly outlining the arrangements you have made for your Christmas and tell her she is welcome to join you if she wishes. Keep the email short and factual. Don't expect her to come, and get on with your plans for a wonderful Christmas with the rest of your family.
I have just gone NC with my 17 year old, and we have arranged it so we are 250 kilometres away at Christmas , so that if she just pops up ( which is actually quite likely) we simply arent here. This is because before we were NC she wasnt committing to Christmas with us, and I didnt wanted to be jerked around.
Shay
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Dec/11/2008, 4:53 pm
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Sorry friends: cut and pasted to personal file for matters of anonymity. Write pm if you wish.
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 7:53 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/11/2008, 11:29 pm
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Hi dasher. We have all been there to some degree.and we all felt guilty and blamed ourselves cos that is a mothers lot.not the father, not the grand parent.the mother.
I asked questions and questions when things started to slide into the abyss with my daughter.....and as long as we pay and are the emotional and maybe physical punchbag for our kids, then they stay and abuse cos we let them......don't let her. If you physically are afraid of her, keep her safely at arms distance and leave her where she is at college. If she can't behave, don't have her in your home. You have the right to a good life..she has no right to abuse you in this way.
I am glad you have something that she has done to be proud of..I can find nothing my daughter did to be proud of at all.......apart from the fact she did me such a favour and ran away .......so she can stay run away, suits me fine.and after 3 years, life is getting good again.
You have to set strict boundaries.and one inch over the threshhold and bang....thats it.
I have yet to meet any mother who has a kid like this who has found a happy medium and is still in direct contact with that child. Even from thousands of miles away and huge distances, these children of ours still manage to cause us heartache.
Its unbelievable that I would ever have walked away from my own flesh and blood..I had no choice really and I managed to do it. My life would have been like yours had I not done this.
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Dec/12/2008, 8:50 am
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
sorry, getting carried away with the reply and it was getting a bit long so I thought maybe a fresh page would be eaiser on the eye.
You say she screamed at you and refused to get out of the car?.....everybody else could watch and see?.what a wonderful captive audience your daughter had..how embarrassed you must have felt......BINGO!!.what a scene of total delicious supply here for your daughter.
She is out of your house....wonderful for you. Don't feel guilty that she isn't there with you, rather count your blessings.and don't answer the phone to her over the holidays cos she will try and ruin what is for christmas for you anyway.
I unplug my phone and cell phone and don't go near the computer at all...and it saves my sanity.
Hugs for you, I can see you in such pain. I have been there too.never ever want to go back there so I am total NC now.
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Dec/12/2008, 8:54 am
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
saved in private docs,, Please hit my name to peronal/private mail if your wfh to further our discussion.
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 8:56 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/12/2008, 9:16 am
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Topaz: I wrote this last post before I read yours. Thanks so much for taking time to write again. I'm running to work so will respond this evening. Thank you.
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/12/2008, 9:18 am
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