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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
hi dasher.you hit the nail on the head.
she turned 18 so now you don't have to put up with the abuse....
so why do you then?
In a word, guilt and a feeling of responsibility.
best thing we can give our children are roots and then wings.the rest is up to them.
She is a big girl, eats a lot.fine, she can eat as much as she wants as long as she pays for it.
Tell me..does she give her father any heartache then?....and how much did he put into raising her?.if she hates you so much.as my own daughter actually wishes me dead....maybe its time for her to be fed and watered by her father?
This setting her sibling up with love and devotion...nope..they don't feel anything but rage so she doesn't love her sibling.all she is trying to do, succeed in doing ,is setting her sister up against you...eternal triangle.
sam vaknin does have some wonderful work re the relationship between the mother and disordered child.sorry I can't give you a link, maybe if you ask him or femfree for it they could point you in the right direction.
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Dec/12/2008, 9:42 am
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Saved in PM. Had to,
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 8:37 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/12/2008, 7:07 pm
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femfree
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
You may find some good tips here:
Engaging the Enemy
http://abuserecovery.synthasite.com/bonus-1.php
especially some of the "how to talk to a narcissist" articles.
Hope this helps. It's so sad that she figures she can put on her 'sweet voice' and somehow you'll cave.
Last edited by femfree, Dec/13/2008, 12:55 am
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Children? They don't want presents, they just want to see your face light up when they come in the room.
A member's quote
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Dec/13/2008, 12:54 am
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
hi. if my daughter turned up here on christmas day, my blood would run cold. I love the daughter I thought she was, not the monster I know her to be.
The last time she was here, almost 3 years ago, she stole from me. This was after a difficult period between us which I thought we were trying to put behind us.and it was after a period of NC. First chance she got, she stole from me.
I initiated NC. No phone calls , no text messages, changed my cell phone, changed email address......she got the message, what they fear most is rejection and being alone...I am in NC with her.and this is a permanent arrangement, no matter what she thinks about it. So, to answer your question, would I shut the door on her..no, I would probably call the police. and have her removed.
as her mother, life was always about and for my daughter....now its not about her anymore, its about me. My daughter would be most welcome in my life if she wasn't so dangerous and destructive.
For the 3 years NC, my daughter has smeared my good name to all and sundry.including close friends and family..for what?all because she was raging and throwing a tantrum.....enough! she wants /chooses/is abusive, has to be without me in her life.
Not a week goes by when this daughter doesn't try some way to grab my attention...and I ignore her. I miss who I thought she was but the peace of not having to deal with her anymore is far better than anything I used to have to deal with.
Life is too short, they either play by the rules or they leave...simple as that.
You can't be your childs friend cos you are the parents. The balance changes as normal kids get older and see things from a different viewpoint.with N/P kids, they are always stuck in a teenage timewarp.it won't get better, it gets worse cos they learn how to become more deadly along the way...but they go round and round in circles with almost identical patterns of behaviour and when it doesn't work on 1 target anymore cos the target wised up, they simply move onto the next victim.
If you went NC with your daughter, would only be a very short time before she picked someone else's life to ruin.....but of course she would still smear and blame you for all of it, cos she will never accept any responsibility.
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Dec/13/2008, 5:30 am
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
and, briefly here, my daughter actually told me once that when she is being nice she is at her worst.
I translated this to whoever she is being nice to now is the latest victim...and so far I have been right about it.
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Dec/13/2008, 5:32 am
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
saved but not public currently
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 9:02 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/13/2008, 3:52 pm
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topaz123
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Hi. My daughter idolises her father.....yet another attempt to the eternal triangle.divide ad conquer strategy.(we are still married)
My daughter(youngest one)used to have the same re getting into the front seat of the car etc..and she treated her elder sibling in much the same way as yours.
The psychiatrist says anger.....they are angry, we didn't make them that way and they can't get off the anger bus......they are stuck there too.......and thats the sad part of it all.
My daughter now is in"forgiveness to all"mode.she even sent me a christmas card. Time to hang on to my hat cos she will try and cause chaos and drama to get back here to me.and I don't want to know.
It would be lovely to think my daughter had finally woken up and grown up.but she hasn't, this will be just another round of drama, choas and ultimately abuse.with a good measure of stealing from me, definitely smearing me and eventually walking away telling the world how she tried her best with me but I am the disordered one.well, she can do all of that without the need for me to be in her prescence.So, I will ignore her and this will infuririate her cos she isn't getting what she wants and what she thinks is her right.and of course some good old supply.so she will smear me anyway....she can do what she likes.
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Dec/13/2008, 4:04 pm
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midnight dasher
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Not public but saved. Will pm back. Feel bad but must.
Last edited by midnight dasher, Mar/17/2009, 9:07 pm
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"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Dec/16/2008, 9:37 am
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mariemarie
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Hi
Last edited by mariemarie, May/7/2009, 12:00 pm
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Dec/16/2008, 9:39 am
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mariemarie
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Re: Christmas with N daughter?
Midnight - funny, we must have been posting at the same time.
Last edited by mariemarie, May/7/2009, 12:01 pm
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Dec/16/2008, 10:47 am
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