motheroftwins
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Nex-husband has custody of my twin boys.
My NEH has custody of our twin boys and is now disrupting my life and using my children to abuse me through them. How can I stop this, and will it help to tell the children the truth about their Father. So far they don't see it. He especially uses one of the twins and thwarts him against his brother. He is now in contempt for withholding one of the twin boys from visiting me. Unfortunately the boys will turn 13 in a couple of months and the one boy acts just like his Father. Any suggestion, if I try to talk with my ex-husband it continues in circles and denial plus retaliates and states I am abusive to the child and that is why he doesn't want to see me. Of course the professional and judges have sided with him in the past, that is why he has custody.
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May/18/2009, 2:34 pm
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phyrenice
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Re: Nex-husband has custody of my twin boys.
I really feel for you, I am in very similar situation, my son and I were very close when we lived with my ex husband, and now his father has manipulated him so much. Last week in counseling my son said to me "why do you think that my dad was abusive, he wasn't". It really made me so heartbroken, seeing how this was a man who verbally abused us and even pushed and hit me. My son used to beg me to leave him that he hated his dad so much. I know how what you are going thru with your children and how the exes channel thru them to get to us. But they are broken people who do not see the damage they are inflicting on the kids. I feel at time it is a no win situation. My son told me his father never lied to him, this is a man who stole $, gifts, broke our things.
Often I thought of giving my son books likes "when dad abuses mom" or "the sociopath next door" and say remind you of anything. My son even had a class on domestic violence, and when they showed scenarios said oh my gosh that is my dad. Becare, because when the ex is "nice, listens and understands" usually it is with alterive motive. Mine does that, will be a complete jerk and call me every name in the book, they try to kiss my butt hoping I might let him move in since he is all but homeless and jobless.
Anyways, my thoughts to you, it is a bumpy road, but everyday is a new day, and we just need to pray the kids can see the difference between good and bad, I truly believe goodness prevails.
Last edited by phyrenice, May/18/2009, 8:40 pm
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May/18/2009, 8:35 pm
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topaz123
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Re: Nex-husband has custody of my twin boys.
Hi. This is so hard for you just now..but you have to be so careful in labelling your ex as anything with a personality disorder.
Firstly, anything you say he will twist and use it against you and also, is he diagnosed as a personality disorder?.If not, that would need to be done by a professional.
The more N/Ps see that we are hurt by their actions, the more they keep it going.and what else other than our children has such power over us?
Just keep going, record every incident, every nasty slur. Read and learn everything you can so you can protect yourself, learn to give the ex absolutely no reaction whatsoever.even if inside you are screaming. hugs for you today.
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May/19/2009, 5:58 am
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sweettink28
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Re: Nex-husband has custody of my twin boys.
I know how you feel. It's gotten to the point that my 3 oldest children, 18, 16, and 14 are compltely against me and twist everything I say into some sort of slur. They falsely accused my new husband of hitting them and because of this, he doesn't want them around. It's hard, but I can't let them be so abusive toward myself and my husband either. I love them, but I don't know how to cope because they've all taken on these traits.
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Aug/15/2009, 12:20 am
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