2tired2care
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Watching a mother grieve
This weekend, I went with my oldest D to a funeral for her step-brother. He was killed in a car accident last Monday, he was buried the day after his 20th birthday.
I did not know this kid very well, I know that oldest D's dad helped raise him and thought of him as his own son. D's dad and the mother of this boy seperated 2 yrs ago after over 10 yrs together.
This was a good kid. Star basketball player, took the small town high school to the state play-offs. He gave much to the community by means of helping with the Special Olympics basketball, coaching younger kids in basketball, being an all around good kid.
So, this weekend, I watched a mother grieve the loss of her son. My heart was breaking for her. In my mind, I keep seeing her standing at the cemetary and howling in grief when they lowered him into the ground. Mother and son had a falling out months ago and never got it resolved before he was killed. I keep thinking, what was so terrible that they left things unfinished?? She will never be able to fix or finish things with him....ever, it is done, over, finished. She will live with that until the day she dies.
With the closing of this frazzling weekend (I posted about ground hogs day in the N board), I just can't brush away the sight of this mother crying so hard at the cemetary that she was having to be held up by others. The sobs and howls that escaped her stil ring in my ears.
Nothing with our loved ones, especially, our children should be left unresolved. My heart is breaking and hurting for this mother.
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Apr/12/2009, 5:33 pm
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oldgrowthforest
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Re: Watching a mother grieve
I do not believe that she will never be able to resolve or fix things with him. She may always regret that she didn't do it differently, but she and he will not only see each other again, nothing but love will be between them.
ogf
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May/2/2009, 1:20 pm
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NotCreativeNameLOL
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Re: Watching a mother grieve
I read this back when it was posted - but couldn't gather myself to comment. I don't like to talk about it much yet - I'm just finally able to kind of - say what emotions I feel over the loss of two kids (my youngest's older sibblings; all 3 same dad). I know those sounds - I heard them come out of my own body. Its like an animal's wail - and it scared me. I remember finally sneaking away alone to take a shower and no one was around to hear. I screamed and cried and - it wasn't even screams and cries. It was these 'sounds' that come out when children are gone. Terrible. Its been a few years now. I never dealt w/it really. Nope - not at all. I couldn't. I was afraid. I let it get interupted when I think I was about to deal with it - step out of numb - and instead opened my eyes to an N and a lot more pain. Losing a baby started to open up the feelings I needed to deal with. But still, I couldn't do it. I would tell the few that I let near me - I was certain there was a giant black hole and if I started to mourn and cope I'd fall in maybe and never come out. I'd ask people - rarely, since I demanded not to speak much about it until I could and stayed away from anyone that pushed me - how in the world COULD I mourn or feel that. I still don't go into it on the boards.
Finally, I made a big step in my grief. Just admitting that what I feel is, like laying down and dying. Like 2/3 of me is already dead - and that begins guilt for the son that is left? and since I wasn't admitting to myself how much I wanted to lay down by some pictures and close my eyes for good - yet I too wanted to show great strenght, and enjoy my son - it was a cycle of confusion I just grew numb to. I feel a lot of weight off me just admitting that. I finally get that mourning per se doesn't end - but we manage it.
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May/4/2009, 12:46 pm
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dazed4days
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Re: Watching a mother grieve
(((((Notcreativename))))))
I am so sorry.
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May/4/2009, 3:02 pm
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NYBeauty02
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Re: Watching a mother grieve
Hey 2Tired, I think we may be from the same town. The same date you posted, a kid died in a car accident and was buried the day after his birthday. I didn't know him - but I know people that did. If it's not the same kid, eerie coincidence!
---
"I apologize for the confusion; I thought for a second you'd be something I'd regret losing."
formerly: RAYANNEGRAFF2
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Aug/31/2009, 5:46 pm
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