justmenmydogsnow
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 91
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Abandoned By My Lawyer--
The judge met with me and my lawyer yesterday. Basically, she was trying to coerce me to settle instead of going to trial, and my attorney just sat there and agreed with everything the judge said.
They say that the only way I can have unmodifiable spousal support, where it cannot be vacated by bankruptcy or job loss, is if he agrees to it. That will never happen, so the judge says basically I will never get any spousal support because as soon as the papers are signed, he will walk into county court, tell the judge he's unemployed, and the judge will say, "OK, come back when you have a job". He doesn't have to pay support and I'm just out of luck. Why isn't there any kind of protection from this?
They (including my lawyer) are waiting for ME to come up with a settlement offer to buy out support for a small amount because "he has no money", which is a huge lie but how do I prove it? Oh, wait--He offered me $300K to go away--Gee, where did THAT money come from?
The judge said that if it goes to trial, I will get 100% of the money he stole (our savings) plus 100% of my attorneys fees. So, I asked my lawyer, what about proposing 75% of the money & 75% of attorneys fees? Then he can decide whether or not he wants to roll the dice and go to trial. My lawyer said, "OK". What am I paying her for? I feel so alone in this!
I have HUGE medical issues, medical bills and I REALLY need support! Isn't there any protection for me?????
I had started looking for another lawyer, but it takes time, and I'm still waiting for people to get back to me. Is anyone going to be willing to take my case at this late date, since we're so close to either settling or going to trial?
|
|
Sep/9/2009, 7:52 am
|
|
mariemarie
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 12-2008
Posts: 261
Karma: 7 (+7/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Hi justme -
I'm so sorry that the news from the conference with the judge was disappointing -
But was it helpful to hear the judge's opinion? It sounds like at least you learned something.
"Is anyone going to be willing to take my case at this late date, since we're so close to either settling or going to trial?"
Generally, a change of counsel constitutes good cause for getting a continuance of the trial date. If there's lots of work to be done, a new attorney will request a continuance to allow time for the additional discovery (interrogatories to get the financial documentation, depositions, etc.)
The question still remains for you what it's worth financially and emotionally to do the footwork necessary to go after the assets, and I know that's a question only you can answer. It's really a difficult one, and I'm so sorry you are in this situation!
Until the divorce is final, do you have medical insurance from N, or are you footing the bills yourself?
|
|
Sep/9/2009, 8:26 am
|
|
justmenmydogsnow
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 91
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Hi, Marie. No insurance from him; having lost my job, I'm on COBRA.
I'm dealing from fear, here, which is a bad place to be. If I weren't going to need a transplant in the future, if I didn't have MS also, I'd walk away today. But I'm so fearful that I won't be able to live, afford the medications, etc.
Yes, I did learn some things yesterday. I guess I just need to accept the fact that he successfully devalued all assets and income and that's just divorce with an N who has no conscience.
Thank you for your reply, Marie. It really does help to get some support--I appreciate it very much.
|
|
Sep/9/2009, 3:55 pm
|
|
mgrofchaos
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 04-2009
Posts: 20
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
If I were in your spot, I would be changing attorneys within the next 24 hours!
Weak counsel is worse than NO counsel!
You are in the financial fight of your life with a STBXN! You need an attorney who doesn't just 'talk the talk,' you need one that fights to WIN!
Change is GOOD! Find an attorney who truly understands NPD! ( and it's true- once you hire someone else, they usually ask for a continuance righta way and judges are very good about granting those!)
|
|
Sep/9/2009, 4:04 pm
|
|
justmenmydogsnow
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 91
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Thanks, Mgr! I'm working on it--still waiting for the possibly new attorney to contact me.
I have a question, though--I have read many times that it's best not to label the ex with the "narcissist" label, that you should only describe actions and not give a "diagnosis" since we're not professional psychiatrists, that a lawyer would look negatively upon ME, if I gave that label to my ex-NH. Do you think it's best to actually say straight out that you're fighting a narcissist?
|
|
Sep/9/2009, 10:42 pm
|
|
mgrofchaos
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 04-2009
Posts: 20
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Hi- Yes I see what you mean about going into an attorney and using the N label. What you could do instead is ask, "How often have you gone to trial with the other party being an extremely self-centered, controlling, compulsive liar who is completely lacking the sensitivity chip?"
Find an attorney who has alot of 'life seasoning'. My attorney, who is a woman, is in her late fifties and she assured me she had dealt with the likes of my N many a time in court and trials!( she divorced an N herself!)
She LOVES going to trial- she only does divorces and she is usually in a trial at least once a week or more. Most of her second husband's family are local attorneys or judges so she has alot of connections. I am so fortunate to have found her.
Good luck and choose WISELY!
|
|
Sep/11/2009, 5:16 am
|
|
justmenmydogsnow
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 91
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Thanks, Mgr! You are so lucky to have found your lawyer. Any chance you live in California??? I'd love to hire her--
|
|
Sep/11/2009, 4:31 pm
|
|
mgrofchaos
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 04-2009
Posts: 20
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Sorry- I'm in Columbus, OH. Although- I grew up in Denver and lived in several western states before moving to Ohio 9 yrs ago for exH's career. So much for that! I'd love to move back West but I can't for 6 more years due to our parenting plan because he could try to get it overturned even though I have the vast amount of custody time compared to him. ( which he fought me for!)
At least I have a great attorney and counselor here though who both understand NPD.
Hope you find someone great!
|
|
Sep/13/2009, 11:02 am
|
|
minnie6
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 10-2009
Posts: 2
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Dear abandoned, not sure if anything will work. Went into my marriage with a beautiful home several rental properties (almost paid for) my abusive husband had a car. After 13 years of marriage and many times of leaving I finally realized I could not take anymore. Yes, I liquidated all my assets to get all the things he wanted cars, a big beautiful home, horses, businesses and in the end I fought hard to get my share, but he was putting everything in corporations with partners and after I filed for divorce he liquidated all the assets. After 3 long years went to court the judge's final decision was "there was nothing to get." I lost everything I worked about 35 years for and was left with $35,000 of debt in attorney's fees. I thought for sure the judge (a woman) would see through him but she did not. My attorney's response to the judge's decision was "flabergasted". Of course, he hid all the money and assets I know that for a fact but proving it in court was another story. If there is any way you can get him to give you money do it. Unfortunately I have lost faith in our court system it has been 9 months and I still cannot get over this I go to sleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about it. At my age (should be retiring) I am almost penniless. I hope your outcome is much more favorable than mine. Good Luck!
|
|
Oct/16/2009, 6:51 am
|
|
justmenmydogsnow
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 11-2008
Posts: 91
Karma: 4 (+4/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Abandoned By My Lawyer--
Minnie,
I am so sorry. Oh, my gosh--To be abused by your XN and then further abused by the courts is so awful. I can't even imagine how you go about letting this go. I hope you've got a good support system around you.
Your situation sounds very, very similar to mine. I hope I'm getting close to the end, but who knows? I could get the same result as you--It remains to be seen. My judge is a woman, too. I hope she sees through him, but I don't know. The court system is so incredibly flawed.
This is a lesson in not counting on getting justice. It's not a court of justice; it's a court of law. Two VERY different things. Don't count on the courts to give you your justice.
|
|
Oct/16/2009, 6:41 pm
|
|
Add a reply
Link to us
- Blogs
- Hall of Honour
- Chat
|
You are not logged in (login)
Board's time is: Nov/29/2009, 6:47 pm
|
|
|
