Shamu577
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hi looking for some friends here
Hi I pay Childsupport and Maintenance to my STBX. Our divorce is not final yet but this was temporary court order.
I don't have any probalems paying him but he has not paid me the childcare cost. He just drop off checks here and there at my younger son's daycare. Keeping me and the daycare director off-balance. He is supposed to pay 50% of childcare. He is not following that. Since August, he paid only 2 weeks worth of daycare cost.
Anyway I am looking anyone out there paying their ex childsupport or maintenance? What is your experience like? Does you Ex pay you 50% of the child care and medical cost?
My fear right now is that I ended up paying him child support every month promt but he will not pay me his share of child care and medical cost.
Thanks, SHAMU
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Sep/23/2009, 2:16 pm
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justmenmydogsnow
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
Hi, Shamu. I was hoping someone would answer you who has had a similar experience. But I know how much you want an answer after you've asked a question here, because everything discussed is so important and stressful and challenging.
I paid child support, but not maintenance to my ex, but my daughter was older, so didn't have the problems with daycare payments, etc.
The only thing I could offer is that you most definitely need to talk to your attorney about this. Perhaps if you can show a pattern during this temporary court order time, that would be taken into consideration when permanent support/maintenance is set. Or maybe the support orders could be written taking this into account, that if he doesn't pay what he is ordered to pay, you don't have to pay him support, or your support can have his amount not paid deducted from it (of course, worded in lawyer-speak!).
Best wishes to you--
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Sep/24/2009, 7:15 pm
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mariemarie
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
Hi Shamu,
I was waiting, too, since I haven't been through the same as you.
I do think it's important, though, from reading what others have done, to make sure that he is billed directly by providers for half of the expenses he is required to pay. You can take a copy of the court order to the provider and explain it to them if you need to.
I would guess that he is trying to bully you into paying his share. I wouldn't allow it. Once you do, you're letting him know he can get away with it, and he won't stop the behavior. These Ns are such children!!!! It's maddening.
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Sep/25/2009, 9:00 am
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Shamu577
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
Hi thank you both. You always help me.
Any answers are so important. Just to know someone is out there listening. Thanks.
Well, it's tough that I don't see the end to our divorce but it might work well for me too. I can documetn his patterns and fight for the permanent maintenance.
When the judge ordered me to pay him support and maintenance in exchange for him paying me 50% of daycare, my lawyer congrats me. Now I am still paying most of daycare cost in addition to support and maintenance. Just hard to swallow.
Oh well. Thanks. SHAMU
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Sep/25/2009, 9:49 am
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justmenmydogsnow
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
Shamu,
That IS very hard to swallow. So many times I've wanted to stamp my feet and shake my fists and yell, "It's not fair!" It never will be when dealing with an N. Mine has fabricated so many documents, falsified others, lied about so much, etc., but will never be completely exposed because I can only do so much and can only find out so much, and the lawyers and judge do not investigate. I naively thought that they would when I started this process. They DO NOT! They only shuffle papers and don't really care. If it looks like I won't get a good settlement, I'm thinking about hiring a private detective.
But I think Marie had some great advice, to give the daycare provider and the doctor's/dentist's offices a copy of the temporary order, showing that he is to pay 50%, and have them bill him directly. Take yourself out of the loop for his responsibilities. If he doesn't pay, you won't be paying his part; it will be his debt. I realize that may mean that the daycare provider may ask your child to leave. But that would be because of HIM, not you. And that would show the court the consequences of him being responsible for the payment. I would think that would be much more convincing to the court for your attorney to argue that your support to him should be lessened by the amount of 50% of the daycare and medical costs. Then you wouldn't be paying double.
Hang in there--
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Sep/26/2009, 9:53 am
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mgrofchaos
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
I've had a horrific time getting mine to pay what he should- both during our 2 yr divorce AND after we had finally a legal settlement in place.
I had to file for contempt 9 separate times during our divorce.( he was legally required to give me a check for the rent to pay for the place where I moved with the children- but he had every excuse in the book and refused to pay!) If he gets ANYMORE contempts, I think the judge will have at him finally by imposing a large fine on him! ( He got away with so many during the divorce without a penalty because the judge we had at that time was slacking off and got fired- then there was a long time with no judge there until they finally hired a new one at the end of our divorce.)
Also- his belief that fabricating documents is OK came back to bite him in the butt~! During our divorce/custody battle- I decided to make HIM get our son's medical forms filled out for scout camp and signed by our son's doctor. He was so lazy, he told me he was going to forge them - and forge them he did! He made up ALL of son's medical info. and meds- and signed the forms with some doctor's name that son had never even been seen at!!! I went to son's camp and made copies of it for my attorney,his attorney and the attorney apointed to us by the judge to assess our custody dispute.
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Sep/28/2009, 5:25 am
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Shamu577
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Re: hi looking for some friends here
Hi Thank you..
I am still having hard time.
I know one step at a time and I came this far. I can do this.
Just one of those bad days.
take care, SHAMU
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Sep/29/2009, 2:09 pm
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