mobo123
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N already trying to manipulate...
His first visitation is this Friday and it was from 5-7 pm. I asked him to swap one of his 24 hour visits with this one, making it a 24 hr and moving the 5-7 to next week.
He agreed but then wanted to keep son Fir and Sat, which is an additional day from the judge's custody order. I agreed trying to be nice. NOW he wants me to DRIVE 60 miles to pick up my son Sunday morning because he has to be at work at 630am..which BTW is only 10 miles from my house!
WTH??!!
I told him NO and stuck to my guns. Basically told him it was his responsibility to return him and if he couldn't make it then he can have him back home at 8am on Saturday...SO THERE!
He's steaming now saying we'll just take everything to court for the final orders and I will be the one who loses....RIGHT!
I know this is just the beginning..he will just keep pushing and pushing...
Does there ever come a point where I don't feel like I am being taken advantage of?
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Oct/8/2009, 9:36 am
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finding myself
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Re: N already trying to manipulate...
Do you have a lawyer? If not get a really good one fast and then go NC. These bully's try everything, I've been going thru it since March and finally got a trail date for next Feb. I only allow contact thru my lawyer and the court. My saving grace has been a restraining order that says XN cannot be within 300 feet of me or my house. Yes he has violated it several times and I reported it. I don't have children and can't advise about custody issues but others here will have advise for you there.
Don't try and go it alone, N's will lie, cheat and steal everything they can and then blame you.
Stick to your guns and stay safe FM
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Oct/8/2009, 11:20 am
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mobo123
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Re: N already trying to manipulate...
Yes I have an attorney. I actually only contact NSTBX through email. I refuse to speak to him as he will just manipulate what I say. He was so mad he decided he would go back to the 5-7 visitation. FINE! Idiot just negotiated himself out of an extra day of visitation! I sent attorney all email stream.
About an hour later I got an email stating he really wanted to work out the schedule and he could meet me Sunday morning to bring son home. LOL. Guess my attorney called his and he got a chewing!
What I hate is that I am trying to be rational and not use the attorneys for every stupid little thing. He turns everything into an argument and throws a temper fit where they have to get involved! This is going to be so expensive! And all because he's a child who can't see the big picture! UGH! Vent over!
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Oct/8/2009, 1:36 pm
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finding myself
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Re: N already trying to manipulate...
Glad you are not facing N alone and trying to limit contact. Try to remember that its a control thing for them, they want to exert control over you and your child, standing up to an N and saying "NO" inflicts NI. They are not getting what they want and throw a tantrum, just like a spoiled child.
I understand trying not to go thru the lawyer for every single thing and trying to limit costs but every time I tried to do that it just became more bewildering. STBXNH would change the rules and requests to suit his mood and to punish me. I couldn't handle his calling my parents with threats then having his buddy call me because he wanted or needed something. I had to go NC to save myself, and I have found that now all the BS requests have quieted down because XN doesn't want to be bothered or to expose himself for what he really is.
For me NC was a struggle in the beginning but pretty soon I noticed how much quieter my life was. XN could not send me into a spin whenever he liked to get a reaction and keep me off balance (they are pro's at this). I have had time to start recovering mentally, physically, and financially. STBXNH cannot push my buttons or try and wear me down and use it to his advantage any more. Oh he still tries and the BS seems never ending but I'm keeping my sights on Feb and what I hope will be the final hearing. As for the money, well the 5G I have spent so far on the lawyer has been worth it for my own peace of mind, its a drop in the bucket compared to what XN cost me in the last 5 years.
Hope this helps, keep reading here and posting we will be here.
Stay Safe FM
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Oct/8/2009, 8:07 pm
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MommaHorse1
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Re: N already trying to manipulate...
Its so hard but stick to using the lawyer. My divorce is going on 15 months. Every time we agreed to something early on without the lawyers involved he would change it and say you just misunderstood the agreement. Everything goes thru the lawyer and it makes my life so .... much easier. Good Luck!
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MommaHorse1
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Oct/9/2009, 5:34 am
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mgrofchaos
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Re: N already trying to manipulate...
I agree! Thank goodness I found an aggressive woman attorney who has 30 yrs experience with Narcissists. She takes credit cards- alleluia! As I have wracked up a small fortune with now ExNH. He fought me 2 yrs in court for custody of our 3 kids, wanted to pay zero spousal after a 22 yr marriage where I relocated 7 times for his career, etc.,etc!
I do believe its been worth every penny I"ve had to spend on legal fees. As he is controlling and sadistic at times- and now his tantrums all are exposed in court and to our attorneys.
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Oct/9/2009, 7:31 am
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