mobo123
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Should I go to dinner?
So I sent my first draft of what I think our final orders should look like. He's going to review them and get back to me. He wants us to meet for dinner tonight (he's supposed to have son visitation from 5-7 anyway) to discuss the orders.
My first thought is NO WAY, but then I thought maybe if I play nice and appease him then he will agree to more in the papers. He's been asking me to "go on a date" or have dinner with him and I have just stuck with texting and emails, and short words when exchanging our son.
Opinions of any BTDT?
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Oct/13/2009, 9:29 am
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bellvireo
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Re: Should I go to dinner?
Hi mobo,
I would say don't go, but that only comes from what happened to me.
My stbxnh wanted to meet me for dinner to be "friends" a couple of times. I didn't know anything about n's and I was still trying to save my marriage at the time, and thought that I could handle it. The first time it was my birthday. He took me to a really nice place, but he didn't even bother to iron his shirt. He walked in front of me to the door and didn't even wait for me to get inside the restraunt. At dinner he was nice and pleasant in front of other people. On the way out, same story, walked to his truck like I wasn't even there. My instinct was to turn around and go call for a cab. Should have listened to it, but I didn't.
As my life swirled deeper into despair he asked me to lunch to "work things out" I played along, said "oh sure, mediation", toasted our divorce, and acted like everything was totally cool as he talked with his little twinkie on the phone in front of me.
I can't tell you how used and abused I feel about that whole scenario now. And I helped him abuse me. That's what's so haunting.
My guess it's some kind of manipulation that he's trying to pull. But if you think you're strong enough to do it, that's up to you.
My vote, politely decline via email. And no excuses. You don't owe him any. They don't do "friends".
b.
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Oct/13/2009, 10:16 am
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justmenmydogsnow
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Re: Should I go to dinner?
I would totally echo what bellvireo said. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me. And yes, it does feel shameful later.
She's absolutely right--They don't do "friends", and they don't do "nice". Count on it being a manipulation tactic. The more you try to play "nice" and appease him, the more he will try to get out of you. Nothing is ever enough.
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Oct/13/2009, 5:49 pm
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mobo123
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Re: Should I go to dinner?
Thanks for the advice. I didn't go. I sent my son on his visit and we spoke briefly in person. We emailed most of the day and agreed on a few things for the final divorce. I will keep it to written communication. He's playing "too" nice and I am wondering what he is up to.
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Oct/13/2009, 8:31 pm
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mariemarie
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Re: Should I go to dinner?
XN met me at a restaurant for lunch when we did the final settlement payment with the house - It was awful. I thought in a public place it would be "safe" but he verbally abused me and everyone working in the restaurant was stealing looks at our table -
Don't do it if he asks again. You're doing it right to protect yourself.
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Oct/13/2009, 9:51 pm
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