LeftHimIntheDust
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I hate sharing my children with that vile man
halloween is my favorite day of the whole year. i love the trick or treating, the costumes and the excitement. this year, my boys were with their dad for the weekend. i tried to call to wish them a happy halloween, to tell them i love them but he refuses to answer the phone. i sent a text and i know he won't even show them that.
today my youngest was supposed to participate in the mass at church, and the xn would not bring him to church to participate. my heart was in my throat for much of it. watching all the other children, and mine not being there. it was heartbreaking for me.
this lousy man, who has been a lousy father, smacked his kids around, been vile and hateful. he is undeserving of the love of his children. i hate that the kids go to him and there are no rules so they come home to me and challenge me on everything from dawn to dusk. i feel like i am not strong enough to do this, be a single mom.
i feel like xn broke my spirit, i feel like an empty shell. it is hard for me to have the energy and emotional strength for everything i need to do for my kids.
thank God i have a place to vent.
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"You tasted insanity. Spit the taste out. You'll be fine." Anewthingforme.
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Dusty
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Nov/1/2009, 2:25 pm
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bellvireo
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Re: I hate sharing my children with that vile man
Hi Left,
I'm so sorry. I can hear how painful this is for you.
Kids are smart. They know who loves them. If n-dad thinks he's fooling them that mom didn't call, then he really is a fool. I'm sorry your babies are pawns in his manipulations.
Try not to let your boys see that their dad upset you in any way. Let them see that you know they love you, and that you're not afraid to enforce your rules. Maybe you and your sons can sit down and negotiate some new rules. You can't compete with their n-dad. Don't play into his games.
He doesn't want to take your son to his mass? So be it. You make that portion of your son's life something special you do with him. Take the weapon out of n's hand. If you don't let it bother you in front of him and your kids, then he'll quit using them that way. Tall order I know.
Hugs to you,  bell
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Nov/1/2009, 3:04 pm
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serenity318
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Re: I hate sharing my children with that vile man
Dear Lefthim Hang in there. I am in the same boat and my NH has turned my oldest boy and even the middle one against me. The oldest is at college but I see the 15 yo and he is very very very slowly starting to come around. Trust me, the time you put in being a loving parent who doesn't bash the other parent will pay off. It was explained to me that the fact that they can get angry at your house says that they trust that you will love them unconditionally and they on some level know the N cannot. It will be two steps forward and one step back but it will be progress.
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"This above all else, to thine own self be true"
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Nov/13/2009, 9:36 am
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StrongHeart
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Re: I hate sharing my children with that vile man
Me too, Mama. Me too..
I wish the courts would take the N's past abuse into consideration. I really don't feel like he is a fit person to have visitation. I document everything, everytime and hope that someday I will have enough to go back to court, or when my son is old enough he will stop visiting on his own.
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Nov/18/2009, 2:21 pm
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MommaHorse1
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Re: I hate sharing my children with that vile man
I'm in the same boat. My XNH convinced my DD (then 13) that OW and her 2 DDs made a perfect family. Lots of laughter, fun, no rules etc. She fell for it hook, line and sinker. I continued to contact her for 14 months. Every day I sent text messages telling her how much I loved her and hoped she was having fun. Every Tuesday and Thursday I would call and leave a message on her phone. Due to legal issues not relating to the divorce, I now have her home. She has fun and seems to enjoy her time with me as long as I am not affectionate (hugs and kisses are taboo to her from me). I still give her quick hugs and kisses when I feel that it is appropriate and each time the chill has thawed just a little. In 9 weeks, she has had no contact from Dad. Yeah, 7 of those he was under a restraining order but since it was lifted he hasn't made an attempt. She knows that he can call. The OW's DDs have called. She is starting to see the light but it is a slow, slow process. Remember how long it took us as adults to admit to the problem. The kids have lived with this their entire life and that's what they know. It makes it even more difficult for them. Just reassure them and ALWAYS let them know you love them.
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MommaHorse1
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Nov/19/2009, 6:25 am
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