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MarcoPolo666
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
random krap I found funny. "History 101" rant :
How it all started:
Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
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Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.
Sir Winston Churchill
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10/23/2008, 3:00 pm
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Nine Buck
ALL TIME NASTY PIMP DADDY
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Registered: 03-2007
Location: Offseason Abyss
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
Maybe if the Cop hadn't terrified the thing and just stepped aside, the "masked burglary suspect" might have done as Elvis would do, and left the building?
Don't tase me bro ! Don't ammonia me either bro!!
--
Raccoon unfazed by cop's Taser during wild chase
Oct 23, 3:40 PM (ET)
DALLAS (AP) - Police learned something during a frenetic burglary call to an elderly couple's home: Tasers don't work on raccoons. Police arrived with guns drawn after receiving a 911 call from an 85-year-old man who heard noises near his front door Tuesday night. Officers surrounded the house but pretty quickly - in the words of the police report - "determined the suspect was a raccoon."
In the meantime, the masked burglar apparently made its way into the house through the chimney. And that's when things got really interesting.
With officers in pursuit, the raccoon took off through the house, ripping up Venetian blinds, pulling down drapes, knocking over a lamp and toppling a flowerpot. Finally, Officer Daniel Ek tried to let it out the back door when the suspect apparently turned threatening.
"While unlocking the back door, the suspect ran at Officer Ek," the police report says.
Ek used his taser, but the raccoon ran up the chimney with the stun gun's prongs in its back. An animal control officer tried unsuccessfully to flush it out with ammonia, homeowner Bill Hyde said in Thursday's editions of The Dallas Morning News.
A neighbor helped secure the front of the fireplace to keep the raccoon from returning. The next morning, when the neighbor returned to put a cap on the chimney, the raccoon had escaped.
"He got away clean," Hyde said.
--
(and smelling like ammonia with barbs in his hide)
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10/23/2008, 3:21 pm
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Nine Buck
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
This guy is a real Don Juan.
I wish I had known these important "keys to a woman's heart" before now.
Can't wait to try out this sure-fire method to get somewhere with women.
But, being the generous and giving person that I am-- I wanted to share the opportunity with you all, so you guys could try it first.
Let me know how it goes for you when you try his sure-fire methods:
__
Police: Man urinates on dog after owner spurns sex
Oct 24, 3:46 PM (ET)
MANITOWOC, Wis. (AP) - A 36-year-old man took revenge on his roommate after she refused to have sex with him by allegedly urinating on her dog, police said. Police said the man was arrested early Thursday morning on tentative charges of criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct related to domestic violence.
According to police reports, the man was drunk when he argued with the woman. After she resisted his advances the man went to the basement where he urinated on her dog and the floor.
Police said the argument continued, and when the woman's sister stood up in defense the man pushed her into a wall. He then allegedly stormed from the home and punched out a window.
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10/24/2008, 12:37 pm
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Redding Fan
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Registered: 02-2006
Location: Dark side of the Moon
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
This guy's camo really works!
video.stumbleupon.com/#p=stef0qxnrn
RF
Last edited by Redding Fan, 10/26/2008, 11:19 am
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10/26/2008, 11:16 am
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Nine Buck
ALL TIME NASTY PIMP DADDY
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
Funeral home parties with replica Elvis casket
Oct 28, 8:46 PM (ET)
BARTONVILLE, Ill. (AP) - The owners of Endsley Funeral Home in Bartonville wanted to celebrate the 80th anniversary of the business by putting a little "fun" into "funeral." So, for their open house Saturday, they put a replica of Elvis Presley's 650-pound casket on display and hired Elvis impersonator Dave Stovall to dance around it and sing a few of the King's most famous songs.
Stovall said he was so impressed by the casket he wanted to lie down in it for a while.
Nearly 300 people from Peoria and Tazewell counties attended the bash.
Embalmer Stephanie Van Oppen explained the apparent irreverence by saying the staff wanted people to have fun at the funeral home for once, and get to know that its employees aren't creepy and weird.
___
Brilliant. Mission accomplished.
(Because dancing around a casket in an Elvis costume is certainly neither creepy NOR weird)
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10/29/2008, 11:38 am
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byco42
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Registered: 10-2006
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
Hell hath no fury of a woman scorned ... by another woman.
--- 
I don't like my job. I don't
think I'm gonna go anymore. |
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10/31/2008, 4:56 am
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Nine Buck
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
quote:
byco42 wrote:
Hell hath no fury of a woman scorned ... by another woman.
222 times is ridiculous. I could see 218, 219, maybe even 220 tops.
But 222 is just sick.
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10/31/2008, 11:38 am
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Nine Buck
ALL TIME NASTY PIMP DADDY
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
Happy Halloween everyone.
Go Orange and Black!
.
Last edited by Nine Buck, 10/31/2008, 12:25 pm
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10/31/2008, 12:22 pm
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Redding Fan
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Re: The random krap and bizarre pics thread
This is the sickest piece of flying that I've ever seen! Was he wearing boxers or briefs? Depends! What a mess his laundry must have been.
www.chilloutzone.de/files/08102703.html
RF
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11/1/2008, 7:14 am
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Board's time is: 11/29/2009, 9:28 am
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I thought I posted it earlier, I guess not.
