Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
 | 
|
|
The Journal (All New)
With a lot more detail in the days to follow.
November 16, 1983
I went to Missouri, and learned the truth. And from her, I met Fletcher Gable, who gave me this book and said: “Write everything down.” That’s what Fletcher told me, like this new life is a school and I’ll flunk out if I don’t have good notes. Only if I flunk out of this school, I’ll be dead. And the boys will be orphans. So I’m going to go back to where it started.
Two weeks ago, my wife was murdered. I watched her die, pinned to the ceiling of Sammy’s room, blood dripping onto his cradle until she burst into flames—looking at me as she died. Last week, we were a normal family… eating dinner, going to Dean’s T-ball game, buying toys for baby Sammy. But in an instant, it all changed… when I try to think back, get it straight in my head… I feel like I’m going crazy. Like someone ripped both my arms off, plucked my eyes out… I’m wandering around, alone and lost and I can’t do anything.
Mary used to write in these books she kept by the bed. She said it helped her remember all the little things, about the boys, me… I wish I could read her journals, but like everything else, they’re gone. Burned into nothing. She always wanted me to try writing things down. Maybe she’s right, maybe it will help me to remember, to understand.
Nothing makes any sense anymore… My wife is gone, my sons are without their mother… the things I saw that night. I remember hearing Mary scream, and I ran, but then… everything was calm, for just a second – Sammy was fine – and I was sure I had been hearing things – too many horror movies too late at night. But then there was the blood, and when I looked up, my wife….
Half our house is gone, even though the fire burned for only a few hours. Most of our clothes and photos are ruined, even our safe – the safe with Mary’s old diaries, the boys’ savings bonds, what little jewelry we had… all gone. How could my house, my whole life, go up like that, so fast, so hot? How could my wife just burn up and disappear?
I want my wife back. Oh God, I want her back…
At first I thought I’d stay. Mike and Kate helped me take care of the boys at first, and Julie’s been great too, but I tried to tell them--- tell Mike, what I think happened that night. He just looked at me, this look… like he’s sure I’m crazy. He must have told Kate something too. Out of nowhere she said this morning, I should think about seeing a shrink. How can I talk to a stranger about this? I never saw a shrink for everything I went through in the Marines, and I got through that. My friends think I’m going insane. Who knows, maybe I am…
The police quit on the case as soon as they couldn’t pin it on me. They don’t care that she was on the ceiling, they don’t care about the blood on her stomach or about any of the things I’ve seen. They want a tidy answer. Doesn’t matter to them, a week after she died, they asked me the same questions they asked me the night of the fire. Where was I? How was my relationship with Mary in the weeks prior to the fire? Any problems with the boys? I can tell where they’re going.
|
|
7/21/2009, 10:46 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Interesting to get the details. I loved the introduction of Missouri in "Home". I had kind of wished they'd bring her back into it again, she was a good character...loved the way she interacted with the boys.
|
|
7/21/2009, 11:09 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
…
I'll be giving you lots of detail from now on. And yeah, I loved Missouri 
|
|
7/21/2009, 11:10 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Nov. 17th , 1983
Mary’s uncle Jacob had a funeral for her in Illinois, where she. I didn’t go. Why? There was nothing to bury, and I don’t think I could have listened to what anyone there would have said. I’ve been drinking too much, trailing off in the middle of sentences. I hear things at night while I sit in Sam and Dean’s room Everything feels like those instances when you remember a dream a few days after you had it, but then you can’t remember if it was a dream or if it actually happened. I keep going over that night in my head…..why did I ever get out of bed? I left my wife by herself to go watch TV, and she died. I’m so sorry Mary.
Dean still hardly talks. I try to make small talk, or ask him if he wants to throw the baseball around. Anything to make him feel like a normal kid again. He never budges from my side – or from his brother. Every morning when I wake up, Dean is inside the crib, arms wrapped around baby Sam. Like he’s trying to protect him from whatever is out there in the night.
Sammy cries a lot, wanting his Mom. I don’t know how to stop it, and part of me doesn’t want to. It breaks my heart to think that soon he won’t remember her at all. I can’t let her memory die.
Nov. 18th , 1983
Woke up this morning with a nasty hangover, wasn’t in the mood to do much of anything, much less have a heart-to-heart with Mike, who jumped on me the second I walked into the kitchen. I guess that’s his right, since it was his house. He was going on about how I have to get myself together, for the boys… but he seemed more concerned about the garage than anything else. Accusing me of phoning it in, you’ve barely been into work… No kidding I’ve barely been into work…. MY wife is dead, something horrible happened to her, maybe my boys are at risk too… how can I forget about all of that and go to work for God’s sake? Anyway, I told him he could have it. That stopped him cold “Your’re telling me you’re gonna give up on your life’s work over this? Watch me Mike, it’s yours.
I walked out of the house with Mike’s check in my hand. He wasn’t so worried about me that he wouldn’t let me go. Do I blame him? I don’t know. I took the boys back to Julie’s and went to the first check-cashing place I could find. Walked out with enough cash to fill the back of the car with security. Two 12-gauges, Winchester 1300 pump and a Stevens 311 side-by-side. Spread of sidearms – good old Browning 9 mm, .44 Desert Eagle, snub Ruger SP101, and a little pocket 22. That will do for a start.
Haven’t ever written anything this long in my life, hope I never do again. Went to see Missouri for the second time and I can’t explain it…. It’s like we’ve been friends for year. She knew every detail, not just of my life, but also of me, my thoughts and fears. She was the first person that didn’t look at me like I was crazy when I told her my story. She just listened, and nodded, and then she told me she believed me. She also said if I wanted answers, I’d need to make a sacrifice. A blood sacrifice. So I pulled out one of my own fingernails, like I did that every day. She had a vision, and we found a bloody mess in the neighbors house along with the words ‘We’re coming for your children’ written in blood. I don’t remember anything between that and finding Sam and Dean safe, back at Julie’s. Thank God, but Julie, Julie was dead. Something just tore her apart. Missouri found a tooth in her body, I tried to draw it but I can’t draw. I took the boys, said goodbye to Missouri and got the hell out of Lawrence. If I never go back it’ll be too soon. Not for Dean though. The first thing he wanted to know was when we would go back home. But we don’t have a home anymore, Dean. The sooner you get use to that, the better. We don’t have a home until we find what killed your mother.
First stop, Eureka. Fletcher said we should start there.
|
|
7/22/2009, 6:46 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Wow...ok, I'm finding these journal entries REALLY interesting. Had no idea Dad had gone on a drinking binge after the fire, but it doesn't really surprise me.
Of course the whole thing about Dean climbing into Sam's crib just breaks my heart.
And that last part with him going back to Missouri...what is it with these Winchester men and pulling out fingernails? Geeze!
|
|
7/22/2009, 10:08 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Well Sue, Sam didn't pull his fingernail out by CHOICE. 
Nov. 19th
I’m going to try to write this down just as it happened, no matter how unbelievable. Because if I can’t believe it myself---if I can’t rationally write down what I saw, how is anyone else ever going to believe it?
Jacob showed up looking for the boys. I talked him into coming with me to a cemetery where I thought there might be some answers, and I got him killed. The hellhound – that’s what Fletcher calls it, came out of a crypt and it tore holes in him like I haven’t seen in a human being since Vietnam. Then H was there. I don’t know who he is, but he saved my life, like I couldn’t save Jacob’s. But he wouldn’t let me take Jacob to a hospital. He said Jacob was dying, and that whatever we were looking for, it was keeping him alive to prolong his suffering. I didn’t want to believe him, but he’d been right about what happened up until then. There was nothing we could do, H said, and God help me I went along with him and I stood there and watched my car roll into a quarry with Jacob dying inside.
And all H said was “Guess you got a new car.” That cold blooded bastard. I may learn from him but I’ll never like him, and I’ll never trust him. He started talking about demons, hellhounds, demons ….
I let Jacob die. Could I have saved him? Maybe not, maybe H was right. But I didn’t even try. What am I becoming? I always tried to conduct myself so that if the boys asked me why I did something, I wouldn’t have to lie to them. But what am I going to say if they ever ask me about their uncle Jake?
|
|
7/23/2009, 7:09 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Well true on Sam...that wasn't his choice! 
As for this latest entry...I wonder is this Jacob Jo's father, Ellen's husband? Kind of sounds similar to the story they told of his death. And who the hell is this H?
Geeze, they could almost do a whole seperate show with Dad's experiences.
|
|
7/23/2009, 10:41 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Yeah, now that you're saying that...I do think it was Bill. My bad.
|
|
7/23/2009, 10:51 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
…
Glad you guys like it. I'll add some every day
|
|
7/23/2009, 2:26 pm
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Oh I'm loving it...giving me a whole new respect for Dad, I have to admit.
|
|
7/23/2009, 2:42 pm
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Nov. 20th
I killed a man in cold blood tonight. No. I killed a shape-shifting monster tonight to protect all of the people who don’t know things like that exist. But it would have looked like a man to any of those people. And Dean saw it happen.
It looked like Ichi, a hunter H took me out with. We were looking for a heeler, a kind of something. Not a man. It attacks, kills, then springs away before anyone can react. Springheel Jack, Jack the Ripper, was a heeler, according to H. But H is the same guy who had me roll Jacob into a quarry, still alive. He was going to die. I know he was going to die. But he was still alive.
And then tonight, Dean walked out of the roadhouse right when I put the final bullet into the shape-shifter’s head. And he said, Why’d you kill him, Dad?
How am I suppose to answer that? Because he wasn’t a man, he was a monster who looked like a man? My boy walked out the door and saw me shoot someone in the head. Maybe I’m the monster who looks like a man.
Back up. Write everything down.
H said he was going to start showing me the ropes. There are people who hunt monsters. They have a kind of network, moving through places like Bill and Ellen’s roadhouse. Bill is a hunter, and they have a little girl, Jo. She’s not much older then Sammy. The hunters swap stories about what they’ve seen. They’re all damaged, broken. They hate the things they hunt. I’m just like them.
Ellen’s niece watched the boys while H took me and Ichi out looking for this shape-shifter. Mary, you know I would never leave the boys with strangers I couldn’t trust. You know that, right? I never would.
|
|
7/24/2009, 8:08 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Apparently not. I never really thought she was younger. Dean would have been after cradle bait
|
|
7/24/2009, 8:52 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
…
Right...that was all Jo, Dean was never really serious. As Sam said, he looked at her like a little sister.
I'm surprised Dean didn't remember the roadhouse if he'd been there when he was a kid...but I guess he was too little to really remember.
"Maybe I’m the monster who looks like a man. "
Damn, if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about the Winchesters...all three of them have had that thought at one time or another. They all doubt themselves...and they all need a good kick in the pants so they can see the truth! 
|
|
7/24/2009, 10:30 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
Nov. 20th
I killed a man in cold blood tonight. No. I killed a shape-shifting monster tonight to protect all of the people who don’t know things like that exist. But it would have looked like a man to any of those people. And Dean saw it happen.
It looked like Ichi, a hunter H took me out with. We were looking for a heeler, a kind of something. Not a man. It attacks, kills, then springs away before anyone can react. Springheel Jack, Jack the Ripper, was a heeler, according to H. But H is the same guy who had me roll Jacob into a quarry, still alive. He was going to die. I know he was going to die. But he was still alive.
And then tonight, Dean walked out of the roadhouse right when I put the final bullet into the shape-shifter’s head. And he said, Why’d you kill him, Dad?
How am I suppose to answer that? Because he wasn’t a man, he was a monster who looked like a man? My boy walked out the door and saw me shoot someone in the head. Maybe I’m the monster who looks like a man.
Back up. Write everything down.
H said he was going to start showing me the ropes. There are people who hunt monsters. They have a kind of network, moving through places like Bill and Ellen’s roadhouse. Bill is a hunter, and they have a little girl, Jo. She’s not much older then Sammy. The hunters swap stories about what they’ve seen. They’re all damaged, broken. They hate the things they hunt. I’m just like them.
Ellen’s niece watched the boys while H took me and Ichi out looking for this shape-shifter. Mary, you know I would never leave the boys with strangers I couldn’t trust. You know that, right? I never would.
Nov. 21
The boys are with Pam and Bill in Elgin. I haven’t spent a whole night away from them since Mary died, and I can feel it like a hook in my gut, wanting to get back to them, protect them. But H says I need to talk to Mary again, and if he can make that happen….
He goes on about demons. A demon killed his wife, he says, and just expects me to believe it. But what he looks like to me is someone who let grief turn him into a monster. Whatever happened to his wife, it doesn’t explain what he’s done. And I can’t let myself become like him. I’m not a hunter. I’m a husband and father who wants revenge for his wife.
Here’s what I wish I could say to Dean… Your brother’s too young to understand any of this, but you’re beginning to. And that scares me. Since your mother died, I’ve seen unspeakable things, and now you’ve see them and that’s my fault. I feel the darkness of the road I’m traveling on now. It’s not a place for you. One day you’ll see, I had to leave today., but when I’m done, I promise you the day will come when I never have to leave you again. Until then, I can only pray that you’re strong enough to look after Sam. One of us has to be.
|
|
7/25/2009, 7:51 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
Crap...that whole entry makes me sad. I never realized just how torn up Dad is. Of course, when we found out at the beginning of Season 4 that he wasn't a hunter it should've made you think about how hard this all was on him but it just didn't dawn on me.
And the last sentence just confirms what I'd thought all along. And it makes you realize that Dean's just as much an innocent victim in all this as Sam is...they both had a ton of crap piled on them before they even knew what was happening.
|
|
7/25/2009, 11:51 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
Nov. 24th
We’re on the way to somewhere, H and me, but I’m the rookie and I don’t get to ask where. He says he’s taking me to meet someone, who’s going to let me talk to Mary, but before that we need to do a couple of things.
A hunter never passes up a hunt. Never.
This is what H says. So tonight we took on a strange kind of undead thing. H said it was a revenant, maybe? I don’t know what that is. Yet, I’ll find out.
People called it Doc Benton. He wanted to live forever, and when he couldn’t make alchemy work, he turned to organ theft instead. He kept himself alive by replacing each of his organs, as they failed one at a time, with organs harvested from unlucky locals. According to H, this has been going on since 1816. The doc was trouble, until I took him apart with a chainsaw after H burned the copse of his most recent victim.
Lesson: burning the victim weakened the doc by depriving him of the power he’d gotten from those organs. According to H, you can solve a lot of problems with gasoline and a match.
I need to learn more about revenant, I need to learn more about everything.
|
|
7/26/2009, 8:14 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
Guess he learns from H.
|
|
7/26/2009, 10:05 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
And from the library...just like the boys do. Can't beat hitting the books!
I wonder how Doc Benton managed to show up again at the end of Season 3 if Dad and H had destroyed him. Guess he really could live forever!
|
|
7/26/2009, 12:35 pm
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
Guess he put himself back together.
|
|
7/26/2009, 12:46 pm
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Nov. 25th:
Today, in a town called Blue Earth, Minnesota, I met a crazy priest who brought Mary to me. His name is Jim, but what he did wasn’t like any church ritual I’ve ever seen, and I doubt he learned it in a seminary. He cut himself, and his blood turned into fire, but it didn’t burn him. And then the fire turned into Mary.
Mary.
She said my name. I think she said some other things too, but hearing her voice say my name again….I can’t describe what that was like. But it only lasted a few seconds and then she turned into a ….I don’t know. Like the Black Shuck, a devil dog. A hellhound. It spoke to me, and said “Soon you will come to me.”
After it was gone Jim looked at the hellhound’s tooth. There are numbers on it: 1127. Mary died at 11:27, according to the police report. H and Jim agreed that the numbers were some kind of coordinate carved into the tooth, but what does it mean?
Written in blood: In olden times in the West, people use to say “I put my hand an seal” as on a document when signing it. In the East this is literal in some cases. Te emperor of Japan in ancient days “signed” important documents by dipping his hand in blood and putting a full bloody handprint on the page. In the history of pact with the Devil, people were suppose to sign their names in blood. I have seen a couple of alleged pacts from earlier centuries and neither, as far as I can tell, was signed in blood, though they do bear signatures of people. Blood undoubtedly stressed the seriousness of the signing. You were giving away your soul. “The Blood of Life.”
|
|
7/27/2009, 6:41 am
|
|
Catcherlady
LIR
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: At the ship's wheel
Posts: 9929
|
|
|
|
|
The Journal (All New)
A hellhound. It spoke to me, and said “Soon you will come to me.”
Interesting...so apparently, Dad's fate was already sealed, or at least the demon already knew about it. I wonder if Dean ever read this entry...might make him feel a little less guilty about Dad's sacrifice. Then again, knowing how Dean beats himself up I somehow doubt it.
This was the introduction of Pastor Jim, I take it. I'm sorry we didn't get to see more of him in the story...he seems like a cool character.
|
|
7/27/2009, 10:03 am
|
|
Justbec
Warrior
Global user (premium)
Registered: 06-2006
Location: Paradise Lost
Posts: 9048
|
|
|
|
|
Re: The Journal (All New)
Nov. 27th
1,700 miles in 24 hours flat, me and H handling the wheel back and forth, from Blue Earth to Tempe. Fletcher Gable. He showed us a map of cemeteries – Devil’s Gates, he called them. Places where demons can get through to our world. I don’t know about demons, but the map was divided into sectors, and cemetery 112 in zone 7 was in Hope, Colorado, near Four Corners.
I don’t know how to explain what happened there. The Fore Inn, set on the edge of a town full of dead bodies, hallucinations…we found the inn, and there was the hellhound, the Black Shuck, and it came to H like a spaniel. H said it didn’t kill Mary, but he set the dog on me, and said he knew “some of the players involved.” But they weren’t demons, he said. I killed the dog, and then H changed his whole tack. Said that everything he’d done, even siccing the dog on me, was a way to get me to hunt. He said he wasn’t H, he was something else in a hunter’s body. A man’s body. All I could think of was shooting the shape shifter outside the roadhouse, with Dean as a witness. I killed H, and I burned the hotel. I’m writing this at a rest stop on I-76 outside Juelsburg. I killed H, and I’ll ******* well hunt alright, I’ll hunt, and the boys will hunt, and we will find whatever killed Mary and we will send it to Hell. And on the way, we will kill every monster and ghoul and ghost and demon and anything else. My boys will not grow up to experience what I have. They will not lose what I have lost.
This black dog, or the divel in such a likeness (God hee knoweth al who worketh all,) running all along down the body of the church with great swiftness, and incredible haste, among the people, in a visible form and shape, passed between tow persons, as they were kneeling upon their knees, and occupied in prayer as it seemed, wrung the necks of both at one instant, clean backward, in so much that even a moment where they kneeled, they strangely died. – England 1577, Scratch marks left on the church door, know as the “Devil’s fingerprints.”
|
|
7/28/2009, 6:49 am
|
|
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Link to us
- Blogs
- Hall of Honour
- Chat
|
You are not logged in (login)
Board's time is: 11/28/2009, 8:30 pm
|
|
|
