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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
I’m the kind of father who shows them that when it comes to family, you go to the ends of the earth to put things right.
Well, hell...they sure learned that lesson! Literally!
And I think Dean would've pulled the trigger if Dad hadn't gotten there when he did. He's a lot stronger than Dad thinks.
Funny, I always thought Sam was older than 5 in that Shtriga flashback.
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8/25/2009, 10:56 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
May 17, 1988:
This would have been our tenth anniversary. Tin.
September 28, 1988:
Séance
On a clar alter cloth, place a small bowl filled with fresh herbs. Around the perimeter of the cloth, place black and white candles, alternating and equal in number. When all the candles are lit, recite the following:
Armate spiritus obscure te quaerimus.
Te oramus nobiscuim colloquere apud nos circita
At the finish of the incantation, pinch a tiny amount of frankincense, sandalwood, or cinnamon powder over one of the candle flames. Pythagoras also led séances in approximately 540 BC, using something like a Quija board. Using a wheeled table that moved toward signs set up in a rough circle. Pythagoras and his student Philolaus interpreted the motions as spirit signals.
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8/26/2009, 6:47 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
November 2, 1988:
Mary has been dead for five years. We were married for five years. I feel like I'm servaing a sentence sometimes, and the only way to get out of this prison is to find whoever or whatever took her away from me.
December 8, 1988:
Dean's teacher called to tell me that he got a subscription to the "Weekly World News", and had it delivered to the school. How is he paying for it? I could ask him, but he's already too sharp to give me a straight answer. And I could force him to tell me, but there's no point. If that makes him feel more at home in his world....
December 27, 1988:
A variation, supposed to be for summoning and speaking to Angels. But I've never met a hunter who believed in angels. Not even the ones who have seen Demons.
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8/27/2009, 6:53 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Well now we know when Dean started reading the Weekly World News...too funny! 
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8/27/2009, 12:27 pm
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Justbec
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…
January 24, 1989:
Dean turns ten today. Reagan out of office. A Crazy hunter told me a couple of years ago Reagan was an avatar of the Antichrist because each of his names has six letters. Ronald Wilson Reagan. Reagan also lived at 666 St. Cloud Road.
May 2, 1989:
Sammy is six years old today. He’ll start kindergarten in the fall. Wherever we are. He’s such a different kid than Dean. Quiet, watchful. He’s learned that there are things to fear in the world, but where Dean wants to fight them, you get the sense that Sammy watches, learns. He’s figuring something out. But when Sammy does ask a question, it’s a good one.
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8/31/2009, 7:28 am
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Catcherlady
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Ok, I LOVE that last entry...such a perfect encapsilation of Sam and Dean...Dean the fighter, Sam the observer!
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8/31/2009, 9:48 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
January 24, 1990:
Dean turned eleven today. He asked for his own gun and I got him one. A Seacamp LWS .32 automatic, the smallest gun I could find that offered any knod of stopping power. Dean and I poured silver slugs for it ourselves, and we loaded it with alternating silver and Winchester hollow points. He's got it in his pocket how.
May 2, 1990:
Sammy is seven today. I think we're going to get him through the 1st grade this year. He's a smart little kid, but we've moved around so much that he's a little behind in school. And I haven't been doing the stuff I need to be doing with him on that front. I need to be better about reading to him, stuff other field manuals and wierd newspaper headlines and poeple doing some wierd experments at the roadhouse and Pastor Jim's. But he needs you basic little kid school stuff. I'd ask Dean to do it but there's only so much you can pile on a kid. Having Sammy' life in his hands is enough for Dean, he can't be responsible for home schooling Sammy too. God this is one more time I am reminded how much we need Mary.
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9/7/2009, 7:41 am
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Catcherlady
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Aw, there are times like this when you really feel for Dad. He had a hell of a time dealing with everything...couldn't have been easy raising two boys and doing everything else he had to do.
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9/7/2009, 12:04 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
Sorry for the delay. Haven't had a lot of time.
December 25th, 1990:
Battled a nasty little bugger today. Kicked the beast back to wherever it came from. But as I looked into that stinking mouth, I wondered for the hundredth time: when's my turn gonna come? And if soemthing happens to me, who'll take care of the boys? Dean tries to be the big man a lot, but he's not even twelve. And Sam's just seven. Just trying to do this without you is hard enough Mary... Mary...
Focus. The Beast of Bray Road. It's the Black Shuck and the hellhound all over again. Where do these black dogs come from? Agrippa had a black dog, said to be his familiar -- he freed it from his deathbed and ti trotted outside, never to be seen again. If you can believe anything anyone says about Agrippa. Even Churchill called his depression his black dog. What was really getting to him? He maybe needed a hunter around.
Some Christmas.
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9/21/2009, 7:06 am
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Catcherlady
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No problem. 
Nice to see another entry, though...I'm loving this stuff. Poor Dad...we really didn't get enough of a look at him on the show, so much you just didn't realize about him.
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9/21/2009, 9:50 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
January 3, 1991:
Somthing new yesterday. I took out aa nest of succubi -- at least that's what everyone I talked to says they were. Sexually predatory, voracious demons. They can change their appearance, and they all transformed to look like Mary at one point. God help me, I was weak. It was like seeing her there again, in the flesh, and I let myself believe for just a minute. Or not believe, really, I agreed to their deception. And then, when I'd gotten my head straight again, I killed them. All of them. Was going to stay here for a while, but I think we'll need to be on our way. I'm going to stay in the West. Maybe New Mexico next, so we would be close to Daniel. I'm learning a lot from him, even though I've still never seen a vampire.
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9/22/2009, 7:20 am
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Catcherlady
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Very interesting...succubi, eh? Now there's a creature I hadn't considered before. I'm surprised they never showed up on the show.
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9/22/2009, 10:42 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
January 24, 1991:
Dean turns twelve today. School has started again, but we're going to move on. Next week, the Winchesters are going to be residents of Albequerque. Dean's going to be a normal sixth grader for at least the next couple of months. He even talked about wanting to play baseball this spring, but I'm not sure he's serious. I think he's taking his cues from me, talking about every day stuff when I try to keep us in one place. Then when we're on the road again, all he can talk about is hunting.
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9/23/2009, 7:19 am
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Catcherlady
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Man, what a life...amazing Sam and Dean turned out as normal as they did.
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9/23/2009, 9:03 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
March 17, 1991:
In the last week, Sammy has played a sunbeam in the school play and I killed a demon inhabiting the body of an old woman. It knew something about the succubi, I think. We're being followed. Or are we? Am I getting paranoid? I have every reason to be, but it's something I have to guard against. The boys are doing well. Sammy's talking about doing a scienc project to enter in the fair next month. He's really taken to his teacher, Ms. Lyle, and shes's encouraging him. Smart kid, Sammy. It was warm today, and the boys kicked a soccer ball around. That's one of the nice things about Alburquerque. I picked up a job working construction. Feels good to be punching a clock again, actually. The regular rhythm of it. Part of me needs that. I thought about going back to turning wrenches, but it didn't feel right. I think a lot of things died in Lawrence, and that dream was one of them.
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9/24/2009, 7:13 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Awwww...ok, Sammy playing a sunbeam...somehow that just fits!
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9/24/2009, 10:37 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
April 1, 1991:
Monday I walked away from another job, and my younger son almost was kidnapped by some kind of demon. Sammy qualified for this New Mexico Science Fair, and his teacher, Mrs. Lyle asked if she could take him. Only she started to take him somewhere else. I don't know where, but I caught up to her at a crossroads. She whould have killed me, and taken Sammy, but Dean came through. I don't have any words for how proud I am of him. His brother's under some kind of spell, thre's a giant monster made of trian parts coming after me, and he has the presence of mind to find this journal and read the exorcism out of it. I almost lost both of my boys today. Mrs. Lyle, or the thing calling herself Mrs. Lyle, wanted Sammy for something. It reminds me of the variant stories about succubi taking children, or killing children. And if I'm honest with myself, I have to take that train of thought all the way, the stories also say that succubi come to claim the children that have been fathered by incubi, which is ridiculous.
I still don't know what Mrs. Lyle wanted. She just said Sam was special.
We're on the road again. How am I going to explain to Sammy that we're not going back to school? How am I going to explain Mrs. Lyle?
To top it all off, I had to give Sammy a sharp lecture on not talking to strangers. While I was on the phone with Bobby, he just got out of the car and went up to a black Seville. I read him the riot act, Dean too. He let it happen and it's his job to watch Sammy. All Sammmy would say about it was the guy wanted to know where we were going.
Last edited by Justbec, 9/26/2009, 12:35 pm
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9/26/2009, 12:05 pm
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Ouch...you really have to feel for Sam. He's so trusting. I think he just wanted a normal life even then. Had to be really confusing for him.
And you have to feel for Dean too...it's a hell of a lot to expect from such a little kid.
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9/26/2009, 12:15 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
April 7, 1991:
In Sioux Falls to meet Bobby, boys along since it’s not safe for them to be in Albuquerque anymore. Between the two of us, Bobby and I hashed out what’s been going on with Mrs. Lyle and the others. Bobby thinks I’m a fool for not wanting to believe that demons really exist, and he’s not shy about telling me. Probably he’s right. All the signs were there with Mrs. Lyle. But if you buy demons, you have to buy Hell, and if you buy Hell, you have to buy Satan, which means you have to buy God, right? I can’t sign on to one belief if it means I have to take the others. Only Bobby says that he’s never run across a demon who’s laid eyes on the Devil. Most demons apparently don’t even believe he exists. The way Bobby put it is that demons are a lot like us where belief is concerned. I don’t see it that way. If demons exist, they are nothing like us.
But I guess I think they do exist. And I think Mrs. Lyle was one. I was in bed with her… that thing… and it was a demon. I let it trick me away from the mission. I let myself be led, I let myself be convinced that everything can be normal again, and it was all a tactic. She wanted something from me, and she thought she knew how to get it.
And she was almost right. I’ve been lonely since Mary.. I wanted to be touched. Just contact. And looking back, makes me sick.
Have been reading up on crossroads out of Bobby’s library. There’s nearly universal folk-magic tradition that crossroads are gateways between worlds. A midevil note: criminals and suicides used to be buried at the crossroads. A sacrifice to the spirits that used those Gateways?
Papa Legba in voodoo magic is the loa of the crossroads. You go to him if you want to talk to the iwa, the gods (going back to Yoruba traditions). He is the gatekeeper, also perhaps a psychopomp… like Eshu (sometimes called Ellegua in the Yoruba/Lukumi, later Exu in Brazilian folk magic). Eshu is the patron of travelers, god of crossroads. He’s also a trickster, sometimes a cruel one.
Both Eshu and Papa Legba must be the first of any spirits invoked it a magical or divination ritual is going to work. The Symbol is called a Veve. Veve is inscribed on the floor in some kind of powder. It can be anything from flour to gunpowder, depending on the ceremony. Hoodoo traditions prescribe certain actions at crossroads to gain gifts in music, love, or power. Or money.
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9/28/2009, 7:36 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
So Bobby even had to slap sense into Dad, I see. I knew there was a reason I liked him so much!
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9/28/2009, 11:55 am
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
April 18, 1991:
Went to see Silas last night. He’s an old friend of Bobby’s, some kind of soothsayer who sells tires. I went to his place and his daughter told me he’s been in a coma… since last November 2, the seventh anniversary of Mary’s death. When I went to see him at the hospital, he snapped out of it long enough to tell me a couple of things I didn’t want to hear.
One, he thinks that Sammy is special somehow.
Two, Dean and I need to be ready ‘for what’s to come.”
Then he was gone again, out cold. What the hell does he mean? Why Sammy? What does he have to do with any of this? And what is coming? Silas either couldn’t say anything else, or wouldn’t. He said I brought him out of his coma, and then he was back into it.
Tomorrow I’m going to leave Sammy with Bobby so I can take Dean deer hunting. It’s out of season, but the Dakotas are lousy with deer and Dean needs to pull a trigger to sharpen him up. Also I need to think about Sammy. Why was Mrs. Lyle so interested in him?
I’ve been hearing about a magical gun. The story goes that Samuel Colt one Halloween night made a gun and thirteen bullets that could kill anything. Wonder if that gun exists, or if it’s just a hunter’s legend. And if it exists, I wonder where it is..
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9/29/2009, 9:30 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Ok, Dean needs to "sharpen up" his shooting skills at 12?! Geeze! What a life...poor guys.
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9/29/2009, 10:19 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
April 19, 1991:
The hunting trip was nearly a disaster. Dean missed his shot. I sent him after the buck, a beautiful twelve-pointer, and he dropped the gun when he tripped on the trail. Then out of nowhere comes Sammy, who picks up the gun and lays that big buck out. A seven-year old… well, almost eight.
Then he tells me that he thought the deer had taken Dean’s gun, and that Sammy had to protect him. It’s moments like those that kill me. I taught him that, Dean too. I taught them that everything should be seen as a threat. And now Sammy sees a deer and thinks it’s trying to hurt his brother.
God.
Things got worse from there because Sammy told me he’d gotten up, wanting to come after me and Dean, and found the man in the black Seville outside Bobby’s house. He rode in the Seville to the trailhead, and found us from there. I don’t even know how to get my head around that. I feel like I should punish him somehow, but the truth is I should be punishing myself.
We get home, and Bobby tells me to go see Silas again. I didn’t want to do it, but when I got to his house, there he was, awake and standing in his front door like he’d never been sick in his life. I don’t know how to explain it. He said again that Sammy was special, and he wanted some time to talk to Sam and understand what was happening. So Dean and I left for an hour, and on the way back I saw the Seville.
When we got to Silas’s place, there was Sammy, sitting on the porch. He said he and Silas talked for a while. I went inside, left Dean out with his brother to catch up. Inside…. I’ve never seen anything like it. Or if I have, it was after an artillery strike in Nam. Silas was just in pieces, little bits of him stuck to the walls and floor. Scrawled in blood on the kitchen cabinets, the words KILL HIM. Now I’ve got to find the sonofa***** that killed Silas too.
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9/30/2009, 12:30 pm
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Woah...you've really got to feel for Sam...all this stuff going on around him and he was never really aware of it all or couldn't understand it. Poor kid.
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9/30/2009, 1:51 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
April 20, 1991:
Been on the run, running harder even then usual. The driver of the Seville called himself Anderson, said he was a hunter... and he was hunting Sam. He said Sam killed Silas, but there's no way that can be true. No little boy could have done what I saw in there. But Anderson wouldn't listen, and now in the last twenty-four hours, I've committed kidnapping, grand theft auto (well, semi) and murder. That's five hunters I've killed, if you count H...but who really knows what he was? And I don't know that Anderson was what he said he was either. He passed up two chances to take Sammy out. I didn't give him a third chance. And I didn't give any of the three Dowry brothers a chance at all.
It was Dean who killed Anderson. My oldest son is blooded. All I ever write about is death. Because all I ever see is death, and you know what? I did that to myself. It's go to end, but it can't end until I settle what happened to Mary.
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10/1/2009, 11:54 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Woah...his first kill at 12. Damn, Dean...what a way to live.
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10/1/2009, 12:47 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
May 2, 1991:
Sammy is eight years old today. Happy Birthday, kiddo.No matter what the demons and soothsayer and lunatic albinos say, you're special to me just because you are my son. And I'm never going to let anything happen to you.
Mrs. Lyle was after Sammy because he has something she wants. She said he was special. So did Silas. What's different about him?" He's just a boy, my boy.
Have started reading about demonology because of Bobby. I still have a hard time believing it. So far I'm sorting through a couple of different books that he says are important.
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10/5/2009, 10:25 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Sam's eight and Dad STILL hasn't picked up on the whole concept of demon's? Geeze...just a LITTLE slow on the uptake! 
But I love the comments about Sam meaning so much to him...if only he'd said that directly to Sam a little more often.
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10/5/2009, 10:29 am
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
Well Dad hasn't encountered Demons yet and he doesn't know that's what killed Mary. Agree though he should have told Sam how he felt a little more often.
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10/5/2009, 10:35 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Oh I know, but you'd think by that time he'd have encountered demons at least ONCE.
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10/5/2009, 11:20 am
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