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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
But the boys did grow up to experience what their father had...and worse. Dad just didn't see it in time.
Man, some of these entries just give me the shivers!
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7/28/2009, 10:34 am
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
Nov. 29th:
We’re gone from Elgin. Where to, I don’t know. Wherever I can learn what happened to Mary, and kill whoever did it. The hunters are out there. One of them must know something about what happened to her. I’ll head back to the roadhouse first. Bill and Ellen will let us stay a while. After that, who knows?
Never been much for books, but then I never was much for keeping a journal, either. Things have changed. I started looking for old books like Fletcher has, like I saw some of the hunters reading at the roadhouse. I need to learn. Know your enemy. And I started digging around libraries. I’m collecting old police files, going through microfiche…. Looking for any fires, arsons, with similar MO’s to our fire. I’m gonna find this thing that killed my wife, and when I do…. God forgive me…..
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7/29/2009, 6:45 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
I'm loving the insight we're getting into Dad with this journal...very cool!
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7/29/2009, 10:30 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
Dec. 11th:
Sammy has finally started sleeping through the night, and now that Dean shares a bed with him, he’s out like a light too. But me… I close my eyes and she’s there. It always starts the same , I’m seeing her as she was before that night, beautiful, and happy and alive. And I’m not seeing it, I’m living it, it’s like I’m there….it’s so real. I know I can reach out and touch her. And so I do….I reach out…and suddenly I’m back to that night, to the blood and the fire and Mary, Mary is on the ceiling, and how did she get on the ceiling… she can’t be on the ceiling…..
Here’s the weird part. When I wake up, sweating and panting… I swear there is something there. I can feel it, hovering over me, over my boys. It’s watching, it’s waiting, I think it’s even mocking me. You couldn’t stop this. You couldn’t keep her safe. You can’t keep them safe.
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7/30/2009, 6:50 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Ok, now I want to hug Dad too. Poor guy. We really didn't to know enough about him in the show. I know they were keeping it about the boys but still...Dad is pivotal to the whole thing, it would've helped to get to know him a little.
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7/30/2009, 10:20 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Yeah, I know what you mean but now I feel like an idiot...my first reaction to Dad on the show was that he was such a wuss. It never occurred to me what he was going through.
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7/30/2009, 1:23 pm
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
True...as Sam said in "Nightmare" when they came across Max, the kid with telekenisis, he and Dean were really lucky that Dad didn't go off the deep end.
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7/30/2009, 1:28 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
Dec. 14th:
I actually fell asleep last night…. Then woke up in cold sweat five minutes later. Feeling that presence again…and thinking. I’ve been reading about fires, how they start, how quickly they spread… but one of the books talked about strange fires, fires with no explanations… it said that some people believe fire can be controlled by certain evil entities, beings, and used to harm people. It’s crazy, the stuff of fairy tales… like fire breathing dragons, right? But then I remembered… when I went back into Sammy’s room that night, when I tried to get to Mary…the fire leaped out. Leaped out at me…like it had a purpose, like it wanted to keep me away, to stop me from reaching her. Like someone was controlling it.
Dec. 20th:
I’m beginning to understand that there’s nobody else but me. Other hunters have seen things. A guy named Frank Guiterrez told me with a straight face that Route 666 is thick with devil dogs. But every hunter’s got a different story, and none of them have seen exactly what I’ve seen. If I want answers, I’m going to have to find them myself. Been reading about black dogs. Black Shuck. Old English succa = demon. Also know as barghest, a death omen.
Black dogs hunt roads. Sometimes they have a headless woman with them, or are headless. To see them means you will have a death in the family. Most of the written stories are British, but I’ve been asking around a little. Everybody’s goa a black dog story: in Macon County, Tennessee; Meriden, Connecticut; Long Island, Oregon.
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7/31/2009, 8:01 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Interesting...now we're beginning to get into the history/urban legends that are part and parcel of hunting...again, giving us a whole new perspective. Very cool! 
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7/31/2009, 11:35 am
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
Dec. 25th:
Didn’t sleep again last night. Woke up in cold sweat and realized it was Christmas. Where’s Mary? That was my thought all night, and it stayed in my mind all day. Christmas without my wife seems unreal. Our celebration was clumsy… a crooked two-foot tall plastic tree, a bunch of junk food stuffed in the stockings, and a pile of sports equipment for the boys.. football, basketball, soccer ball. My attempt to bring back some normalcy. Already Dean is too big for T-ball, this year we’ll be going to real Little League games. Or rather, I’ll be going to the games, alone.
Mary will never see Dean hit a home run. She’ll never see Sammy walk, or hear him say his first words. She won’t take Dean to his first day at school, or stay up all night with me worrying the first night he takes the car out. It’s not right that she’s not here, and that’s all I could think about today. I’m so angry I can barely see straight. I want my wife back.
The police have officially declared our case closed. What a Christmas present, huh?
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8/1/2009, 7:29 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Ouch...as if the Christmas epsiode wasn't heartbreaking enough, this is just worse! Poor dad...and the poor boys. Having seen that episode and knowing how much they both just wanted a normal Christmas just makes this entry tug at your heart strings that much more!
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8/1/2009, 11:37 am
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
Dec. 29th:
Back at the roadhouse. We’re going to stay here for a while. I can’t just drive around in circles. The boys need a place they can think of as home, even if it doesn’t last. And I need a place where I can learn what hunters do. The only holiday spirit I have is bloodlust. I want to kill. The last time I remember feeling like this was Vietnam. But I think we can stay here for a while to get our feet on the ground. Or I can get my feet on the ground, anyway; I don’t know what it will take for the boys to feel normal again. Dean hasn’t been the same since he saw me kill that shape-shifter. I don’t know how to talk to him about it. He’s not even five years old. Most kids his age don’t even have a clear idea what death is, and he’s seen it up close and personal. What do I say to him? How old does he have to be before I tell him the truth?
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8/2/2009, 8:21 am
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
I don't think he knew them all that well.
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8/2/2009, 11:36 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
I wonder how much time they actually spent at the Roadhouse. If Dad was trying to make it a "home" for the boys, you'd think they'd remember it. They must not have stayed there very long.
Last edited by Catcherlady, 8/2/2009, 2:24 pm
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8/2/2009, 2:20 pm
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Justbec
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The Journal (All New)
Jan. 1st, 1984:
Today a new year begins. Mary loved this time of year; she loved the idea of a fresh start for everyone. She always made a resolution, one a year, and unlike most people, she kept hers. And every year she tried to talk me into making one, but I could never see the point. I wish I could have seen her diary. Maybe it would help me remember her. Maybe it would clue me in to some of her secrets. Maybe that’s the point of a diary. Keep your stories, your life, from dying. So that other people don’t forget.
God I wish the boys could have known Mary longer. This year I’m finally making a resolution. I’m going to find out what happened to my wife.
Jan. 24th, 1984:
Dean turns five today. I was thinking about where we’re going to be in the fall, because he should start school. Then I realized that I can’t leave him in a school. Anything could happen. Maybe a place that has half-day kindergarten. Maybe that I could do. I know I should. I know he should be able to run around with other kids, who don’t know how to field-strip the Browning. Well, Dean doesn’t either, yet. But he’s learning. He’s got a talent for guns. I can see it already. And he’ll need it.
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8/3/2009, 7:24 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Geeze...Dean was already developing a talent for guns at 5?! Ouch!
I wonder if Dad ever knew about Mom being a hunter. Maybe if he'd had a chance to read that diary of hers. That point was never covered, even in the episode in Season 4 when we find out about Mom. Intriguing...
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8/3/2009, 8:43 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Ellen mentioned having a room out back when Sam and Dean first got there in the beginning of Season 2. So I guess it would've worked.
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8/3/2009, 1:46 pm
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Well I doubt they'd have been there too long. I don't Dad was ever going to stay in one place very long.
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8/3/2009, 2:43 pm
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Justbec
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Re: The Journal (All New)
May 2nd, 1984:
Sammy is a year old today. We spent his birthday in the mountains, because I had to meet a guy named Daniel Elkins. The hunter culture is weird about how it breaks in new blood. Everyone you meet says you should go meet someone else, and learn something else, and every time you meet someone else they say take you out to hunt their favorite kind of monster. This guy Elkins lives in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere in Colorado, and according to him, he’s the greatest vampire hunter alive.
Vampires.
They’re real. I’ve never seen one, but Daniel says they’re real, and I believe him. He also says that the hunter’s journal is for research as much as for recording day to day whatever. So I copied this from a book called Harleian Miscellany:
We must omit Observing here, that our Landlord seems to pay some regard to what Baron Valvsor has related of the Vampyres, said to infest some Parts of this Country. These Vampyres are supposed to be the Bodies of deceased Persons, animated by evil Spirits, which come out of the graves, in the Night-time, suck the blood of many of the Living, and thereby destroy them.
Vampires, four hundred years ago. There are other records even older. Peter Plogojewitz, the Shoemaker of Silesia…..
May 17, 1984:
This would have been our sixth anniversary. Six, is iron. Sammy took his first steps yesterday. He walked toward Dean, then fell flat on his face and started crying. Life is tough, kid. Do I sound like a proud dad? I am.
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8/4/2009, 6:51 am
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Catcherlady
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The Journal (All New)
Awwww...poor Sam. And why does it not surprise me that he took his first steps toward Dean? Even then, he was leaning on big brother.
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8/4/2009, 10:13 am
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