starzlookdown
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Registered: 05-2006
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nor a lender be
Hi, its been a while since I visited -- but that's another post. Right now I need to gripe.
I have a long term house guest and while she has many good qualitites, what they say about guests and fish turns out to be true. Its taken over 2 months, but I'm starting to wonder about her. She was kicked out of her mother's house because she didn't like her mother's new man and she and her mother butt heads a lot. She got off to a good start with us, voluntarily cleaning the bathroom and getting up before dawn several wednesday's in a row to get the garbage and recycling out on time. But then there were other days when I would be out all day and come home to find they hadn't even put their own dishes in the dishwasher, let alone run it and empty it. She has been waiting for a bar to open who have hired her, but they are still setting up the place and it took longer than expected. It is arranged that she will be starting a live-in nanny position in a town nearby in January (as long as it doesn't fall through). She is polite and clean and intelligent, her only flaw being that I recently discovered she smokes, and when the odor is on her coat, it spreads to all nearby coats. Since I don't smoke, this smells strong to me while she may be totally unaware of it.
After living here a month or so she and my son became involved (unless they already were, and were keeping it from me). They spend a lot of time together.
Last week my son was using her car when the muffler, which wasn't on properly (and she knew that) got caught on hard snow and was pulled almost completely off. My husband offered to get this fixed for her and she could pay us later on. The day I expected them to drive to his shop, they didn't. My son told me that she didn't want to owe money, so she is looking into borrowing her mother's car while her mother goes on vacation. The problem is that I have allowed them to use my car a few times, and now its starting to be taken for granted. It is helpful to me if one of them is willing to pick up my youngest son for me, or pick up groceries when I've had a busy day, so I don't feel comfortable saying "no" if they want to stop in town for a while and see friends, you know? Still, when he said she didn't want to owe us money, I thought "I'd rather have her owe us money than borrow my car"but it felt kind of churlish to say it.
Meanwhile, I've been waiting with bated breath for my son's car to finally be repaired and road worthy so that even HE won't be borrowing my car. One day he gave a friend a lift and I complained later that my car smelled like cigarette smoke. He told me his friend didn't smoke in my car but it must have stuck to his clothing. A few weeks after that I found that she smoked. She must have a lot of self control if she abstained from smoking in or near the house all that time, but now that she's out of the closet her coat smells like cigarettes more often.
So earlier today she went to get groceries for me and when she got back she explained that she likes to drive with the windows down because of her allergies and the way she gets stuffed up when the heat is blowing. Apparently some guy ahead of her tossed his cigarette out the window and it came in the driver's window and landed in her lap. She was trying to get it off her lap while driving, and trying to keep it off my car seats, but a bit of it got between her legs and there is a small black mark on my car seat. I went along with this story, which may be completely true (but maybe not) and said "I have some upholstery cleaner with a brush attached. Hopefully that will clean it." I don't know if its a burn or an ash smudge; I haven't yet gone to look. I just know that I find it hard to stop wondering if she was smoking in my car, trying to blow the smoke out the window, and the strong winds we're having today just blew it back in again and made her drop her cigarette butt. If she is lying to me, it bothers me how smoothly she did it. I honestly can't be sure.
I just know I'm starting to feel a little sour on the pair of them and if they are not both working in January, my attitude will be changing pretty sharply.
---
Lo's Road (at Multiply blogs)
The point of the journey,
is not "to arrive"...
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12/15/2008, 7:13 pm
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Blue Jeanz
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Registered: 04-2006
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
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Hmmm, I find it very hard to believe the story about the cigarette from another car landing in her lap. What would be the odds of that? A zillion to one probably. I'm sure she just didn't want to tell you she was smoking in your car. I would have to call her on it and admit I didn't believe her story. That would be my reason to say, sorry, I don't want you to use my car anymore since you disrespected me by smoking in it. The end. Don't be an enabler. These kids that take advantage think everything is owed to them. It's not. Go get a job, get your own car. Sorry, I'm pretty stong on my opinions on this stuff. How old is she anyway?
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12/15/2008, 11:21 pm
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Blue Jeanz
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 I would love to hear that you took an assertiveness training course! Do it! It will help you in many ways. You can probably find a course online.
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1/2/2009, 11:07 am
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iowakansas2006
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I think she needs to grow up and take responsible for her actions. If she is going to smoke she needs to follow the rules since she is living in your home and driving your car. Otherwise it's time to go someplace else. Sometimes a guest can be a pain.....
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1/30/2009, 8:07 pm
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