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HollyBear21
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Darling mother-in-laws
Ok I dunno about anyone else, but my b/f mother and I despise each other. It started 4 yrs ago and it has grown year after year. She never has anything nice to say to me---at a family wedding the only thing she called me all day was "the little bit**!" Also at this wedding she went up to a friend of ours and said "I would love to have you be with Mike instead of that" ("That" was me by the way) She picks on my about my clothes and my hair--I take anything she says with a grain of salt,although I must admit I use to get really upset the first 2yrs and then I had it and let her have it one day---she hasn't said to much mean stuff to me since... I'm glad she only comes around 3 times a year or so...It was horrible, I woke up this morning and the first face I saw was her's. :mad I wan't to rip my eyes right out of the shockets!! I just needed to rant for a little bit! Sorry!!!  <------ she drives me to it!
Last edited by HollyBear21, 6/8/2006, 9:02 am
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6/8/2006, 9:01 am
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Tinkerbelllsweetnesstina
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
OMG I can sympathize with you there! My husbands MOM was the one who tore our marriage apart briefly, well he had a part in it too! For the past 3 years she drove me litterally insane! :pissed He MADE me see her with him. He insulted me and my family. She acted like she was romantically involved with him. Hubby didn't see it, thought it was in my head. I seriously was heading for a divorce. You have to wait a whole year here before you can get one.
Before I came back, he promised me that I would NEVER have to see her or talk to her in any form again. He'd just go visit by himself. I said, "That's all I ever wanted!" The woman held ***** session at my house and hers always whinning and making my life better.
Since all this got resolved, I have been a lot I mean A LOT happier. Things use to get to me so much before then, everything and anything! I would take it out on the wrong people.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that Holly, my husband's mom called me trash to him during the separation! Go figure! What you need to do, and from my experience is MAKE your husband stand up to his mom for you! It will never go away if you don't. My husband's mom could careless what I thought and would do things intentionally to piss me off! I'm telling you, he's going to have to tell her he doesn't appreciate what she's doing to you and saying.
It took a separation to wake mine up. I hope that doesn't come to that for you. Oh god girl, I know your pain! If he can do that, TRUST me it will stop or at least not be painful. You do NOT have to see her if you don't want to. That's what my pychiatrist told me. You don't have to be subjected to emotional cruelty. That's what it's called, and that's what it is.
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6/8/2006, 11:57 am
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HollyBear21
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Oh I stood up for myself finally and she hasn't been to bad lately. I finally told Mike you tell her or I'm gonna and he didn't so I spoke up and told her...lol....
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6/8/2006, 2:42 pm
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Tinkerbelllsweetnesstina
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
That's wonderful Holly! yeh my husband didn't do that for 3 years! FINALLY got him too! I think the problem also is I "never" stood" up to her, because I was afraid of having these long drawn out fights with my husband. I mean like 5 hours to the point, I started leaving.
I'm proud of you! You go girl! lol I should have too. But..... it's even better now, she's outta my life. Good luck sweetie!
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6/8/2006, 8:15 pm
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Blue Jeanz
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Geez Holly, that's awful. How cruel some people can be. I agree with Tina though, he shouldn't let his mother talk to you that way or talk about you that way either.
I don't care for my mother-in-law either. Jim and I have been married for 22 years now and about 10 years ago there was a big blowout between us. That cooled off our relationship a ton. Now I only see her twice a year. Christmastime is one and sometimes Mother's Day. When she calls here I make it short and brief and hand Jim the phone.
Dr. Phil tells mothers-in-law to butt out and that their son's marriage problems are none of their business. There are a LOT of mothers-in-law that are like this and it's a common problem that seems more with the guys mother than the woman's mother.
I hope things can improve for you soon, and if there are kids involved things get even hairier.
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6/8/2006, 9:09 pm
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Tinkerbelllsweetnesstina
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Yeh I was just going to say that, more with the guys mom than woman's mom. Mine did far too much to our marriage for me to have anything to do with her. They say when you first get married usually financial problems are a strain. It wasn't that it was his mother. We were only 3 and a half years married at the time and I had to make a decision. Is this something that I'm going to put up with the rest of my life and my husband catering to her every needs. I felt like I was the child here and they were they husband and wife. At the point, it looked like the whole thing was un natural, but it was "her."
She wasn't an normal pain in the butt mother-in-law she would send emails (keep in mind she only lives 20 minutes away) saying how painfully she misses him and that they just don't get enough time to spend together. I'm thinking "how" much time does she need, I mean he IS married. We seen them the same equal amount of times we seen mine. they lived only 10 minutes farther than mine. We would see his parents 2 times a month sometimes. She would send stuff like, "I find every moment special to me that we spend together. I cling on to every moment and second of my life knowing your love for me, helps me get through each day." If that isn't a love letter I don't know what is. It litterally drove me insane and into someone I didn't want to be. I was molested and raped by a relative, my mother's mom. I felt in some sence it was happening all over again. I was turning into something I didn't want to be. I became hateful to everyone! All I wanted was revenge. I couldn't take it out on her, so I took it out where ever I could. I know that wasn't right. So that's when I had the separation. It actually did both of us a lot of good. I don't have to deal with her anymore. She doesn't email those sickening love letters, that made me just want to throw up. I'm already suffering from PTSD, so I don't have to have anything to do with her, see, or talk to her in anyway ever again. You can't imagine how much that has improved my emotional health. He goes sees them, but not as much as he use too. The woman was a living h$%^ and nightmare.
Holly, I really hope things get better for you, and I will pray for you darling. I know how a situation such as a troubling MIL can be. :sorry
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6/9/2006, 7:18 am
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HollyBear21
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
GOOD NEWS!!!!
Mike went with his mom yesterday to the mall and I guess they had a nice talk. She told Mike that she didn't think I liked her. Mike told her that I didn't like her much b/c of how she treated me. Of course she tried to act all shocked, so he told her, no mom your rotten to Holly, it's gotten to the point where she doesn't even want to come with me for holidays b/c of you. He told her to get over it b/c I was the one he wanted to be with and that we ARE going to get married and that we ARE going to start a family....she told him that those were the 2 things she didn't want him to do and he told her to get over it....its not her life it's his and if she can't be happy for us when she's around us then she doesn't need to come around at all!!! Finally...I've been waiting almost 4yrs for this day to come! So we'll hafta see what happens the next time she comes around.... :wink
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6/9/2006, 9:54 am
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Tinkerbelllsweetnesstina
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Not an un expected reply from Mike's mom!  That's how they are! WOW that is WONDERFUL Holly! I am SO happy for you! That is great that Mike stood up for you and confronted his mom about this, before things got really bad! Oh girl, you don't know how happy I am for you! I KNOW your joy!
Haha that's what my husband's mom said about me during the separation, he told her we were talking again and he prayed for us to get back together. She said, "Well maybe you shouldn't pray then!" He told her, "Maybe YOU were praying for the wrong thing!" He basically told her to step back too! See Holly, if they really love you, they WILL stand up to their mom. He deserves a BIG applaud for what he did. You ought to do something really special for him. Make his favorite meal or something really nice. Guys love to be appreciated too. :yes =D
Yeh I know the feeling, I have those doubts too, but my doctor said, "Enjoy what you have! Cross that bridge when you come to it, otherwise you'll worry yourself too much." I had all these what if's, especially when I'm not going to be around. She made a good point, "He loved you enough to fight for you, trust in that." ;) Oh I'm so happy for you! I hope everything works out and continues too!
Hey I got great news today too! I found my wedding ring I lost 2 weeks ago. woo hoo!
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6/9/2006, 12:38 pm
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Blue Jeanz
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Holly, that is such good news!  I just hope she can back off and not start anything again. It may take a few times telling her that same thing for it to sink in and for her to know that he's serious though.
And Tina, I felt so sad for you when I read your post, you poor thing to have to go through something like that in your childhood and then have to face a mother-in-law from H e l l as an adult. I'm glad you are handling it the way you are. You're doing the right thing.
If only these people could see the damage they cause - what are they thinking!
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6/9/2006, 9:12 pm
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Tinkerbelllsweetnesstina
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Re: Darling mother-in-laws
Thank you sooo much Val for the kind words.  Yes I went through a lot. I got blessed by my hubby agreeing that I don't have to see, talk or have anything to do with her.
My doctor said it was damaging my emotional health, seeing his mom act like she's in love with her own son.
Yes I am doing wonderful now, and oh sooo much happier! Thanks Val! 
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6/10/2006, 8:17 am
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