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Ladyhawke
The Gates Sharpshooter
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Thoughts on love
Posted this at the new Mabus site, and felt like sharing.
But seriously, love. Poets for thousands of years have pined and toiled verbally over this topic, myself included. I've written many musings on it myself and I still don't know much of anything about it, giving it or receiving it. Seems the older I get the less I thought I knew.
There's a big difference to me between first love and profound love. I've been in several arguments with people over this, especially Feral. ("What's that mean, you don't love me as much?" "Please.") First love is that lovely rush, that jittery, oh-dear-heaven-I-can't-be-without-them-for-three-seconds-I-love-them-so-much---sort of feeling. It's infatuation, it's sexual magnetism, it's sweet to the point of a diabetic coma. But often it doesn't last more than a few weeks to months. Those who say it does are extremely fortunate, or taking some wonderfully strong drugs. Profound love to me is what you do after you come out of that coma. It's the acceptance, the building of trust, the feeling of comfort. It's being in the same room with someone and not having to incessantly fill the void with needless chatter (something I can't stand.) It's finding out about the person, and finding out about yourself in the process. It's seeing yourself growing old with them. Of course it might also be seeing them get their ass booted right out the door as well if you find them intolerable.
I personally have loved (besides my mother and God and all that,) two people in my life with no regrets whatsoever. Truly. Because to have a regret about something only happens when you learn nothing from it. Every person on this planet whom you come in contact with can teach you something about youself and life in general. Might be good, might be bad. But in the end it's a lesson of the heart.
Christ tells us to love our enemies. Easier said than done, that's for certain. But supposedly if you love them rather than smite them then seeing that not only did they not achieve the intended result in hurting you, but in the end they might have some sense of looking at their own lives and possibly changing it for the better. I personally haven't seen this happen too often. Though maybe of course it's happening when I'm not looking. Maybe I'm not doing it right. Whatever be the case it's human nature to retaliate when someone wrongs you. But it's more beneficial to take their hate and make it a motivator for us to do good. Again, easier said than done. Of course simply ignoring stupid people works pretty well too.
Other than the two people above that I mentioned I loved truly and wonderfully and to the best of my naive ability, I've had what everyone has...the dating game. Ugh. I get gassy every time I think of it. There's the poet, the rock star wannabe, the guy who didn't realize that he truly was gay, the gibbering idiot who wouldn't look me in the eye, the blind date (that was the worst experience of my life, no joke,) the Vegas guy, and the pimp-daddy, among others. We're all searching you know. Searching for that soul-fulfilling love that makes for great movies and books and makes the romantic poets inspired to write. Does it exist? I'm not for certain myself. I know I have loved, and have been loved. I know that a life without some form of love is a lonely existence indeed. I know that animals are more than capable of loving their masters, though that won't satisfy anyone's sexual itch unless they're a freak show. And I know that the countless old couples (you know, the ones who go shopping for Geritol together) that sit together on their rockers and spin stories of the good old days...all had their trials. No relationship is perfection. No man or woman is the perfect image of who we want out of life. But every one of those couples say it was worth it. Why? Because "they stuck it out." Mind you I'm not saying that if someone you're with is a whore or a ridiculous bore or an abuser you should tough it out. But if two decent people can just stick with it, it can work. you might not have that perfect toe-popping kiss in the movies every night, but love goes beyond the special effects and sees past the faults and loves the person. Past the dirty socks being left on the floor or that time of the month when a woman is her *****iest. Past the imperfections to the spirit in other words.
I think that if you can have a conversation with someone over more than simply, "How was your day?" "Fine dear." and you truly care about them in a deep way, then you're more than halfway there. And if someone isn't willing to do what they can to be with you, then they never really were that into you in the first place. Hence, they're not worth your time. Compromise, trust, communication. Three things love can't live without.
Good grief I've written a sermon. Well just some thoughts on love in my stupidly honest opinion.
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7/27/2008, 12:31 am
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Sometimes love can stink though 
