Sorsha Akai
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Location: Encinitas, CA
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De-volving?
I don't know what you'd call it, it's such a weird concept to me. I always thought that as an artist, as you grow, you get better. The more work you do, the better you get, etc. And while that's still true in many cases....why is it that I look back on my old work from high school in disbelief?
I believe I was a much better artist back then than I am now. (it's been a difference of about 10-14 years ago) It's just amazing to me that I can't even begin to conceive of how I was so capable of giving my art so much detail, amazing shading, and even more creative concepts. Where did I come up with this stuff? Why can't I do that now?!?
It makes me reflect on how much my soul has changed since then. You can see it in my past works. They were brighter, more optimistic, even the eyes looked different, though I still draw them the exact same way now. It makes me sad when I look at my old work, and it just makes me think "What happened?!?" and more importantly "How can I get that back?" Sad thing is, I can't get it back. I can't just take back all of the past life experiences I've had and change my thinking back to the way it was, so I guess I just have to work with what I've got now, and try and improve and adapt it as much as I possibly can.
I think a lot of the actual skills themselves have sadly fallen by the wayside since high school, because I don't live in Mr. Ratajkowski's art room anymore, lol! I don't have the time or the space to be as absorbed in my work as I used to be. Senior year, I had 4 classes a day, 3 of which were art. I was in that room so much I had my own cupboard!  And now wherever I've lived, and especially with living with other people, I've been confined to one room, and I've had to go out and get jobs and stuff, so it's just not like it used to be, and I miss it a lot.
Anyway, I don't know if there was a point to this little lamentation. I guess I just had to get it out to people who would understand where I'm coming from, and that's the whole reason I joined this forum, I'm just trying to "get it back", lol!
--- "Make Your Dreams Out of Paper Mache." - Beck
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2/10/2009, 7:27 pm
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DebbrahF
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Re: De-volving?
Any skill will get rusty if not used...I can see that being a major part of it.
I also think that when we are younger we have a simplier veiw of things, so we are better able to capture them. As we age we want to add all the subtle nuances and overcomplicate things. And we lose our voice. When we are young it is easy to crow "this is my vision" even if it isn't really anything all that unique. As we age, we tend to see things in a more nuanced perspective, we see other sides, we negotiate and know fear and want in a way we often miss as kids.
Few kids really ever produce the REALLY great art though.. that takes the depth we can find in reclaiming what was lost while not losing what has been found.
I think you can take the new you and grow it to something far more impressive. You'll just have to go through someo of the toddler steps again, relearn how to walk and run with it.
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For good or ill, luck and opportunity are 90%+ preparation...
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2/10/2009, 11:32 pm
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Sorsha Akai
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Re: De-volving?
Thanks Debbrah! Yes, I think you are very right. Because you can't keep doing the same things over and over again. Yeah, it was good once, but it's been done. That, and as you experience what other people have to offer in the way of art, you realize, you're not the only one that did it either. It seems all of it has been done before, just in different styles. I think when we're younger, we just haven't "been around" as much to know everything that's out there, so we think our ideas are so original and creative. Plus, when you're younger, you have such an un-realistic view of the real world. Especially in high school. So, with that unrealistic view, you tend to be more optimistic, and in turn, more imaginative, I guess. That's what I really want to get back, lol!
But, I've since seen too much of the world to think as fluffy and optimistic as I did back then. I think Modest Mouse put it best when they said "I know now what I knew then, but I didn't know then what I know now!" ....I love their lyrics, so full of wisdom!
Anywho, since I posted this today I've been thinking and I have kind of a neat experiment which might help me make those "baby steps" again. Look back @ all of my themes and motifs, and styles, and try to re-create some of those images now, and see how much different they look as compared to the originals I painted "back in the day." ....could make for an interesting thread for this board even! I'll let you guys know how it turns out!
lol, I realize that I'm able to solve a lot of my own problems, but I seriously couldn't do it if I didn't have a place to let these thoughts go into actual writing! The answers seem to be so much clearer when you can "see" the questions, instead of just thinking about them.
--- "Make Your Dreams Out of Paper Mache." - Beck
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2/11/2009, 2:44 am
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